it is almost 2012...wowo
oh wow
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
giving thanks chaos is abundant
just wondering if there was a secret in the moon yesterday, the stars all lining up to hit me, many home runs to the heart yet i still won this game, somehow, not
it was real that real friends came to listen and my sister was a calling, it was real that someone took the time to just let me banter on my heart broken as it was and i am grateful and thankful to the universe for that friend of the heart. it tears at me so to live in craziness...
my son my grandson my new grandson to be, the mother in the situation, i can't help any of them so distant as they are not so far in mile but in attitude and interferance i just can't do
i am here but i am not calling
i am not looking for more stress
or anxiety or anguish, or disappointment or worry
do i care
yes i care
i always care
i wish i could change things but i can't
money rules the world it really does
but i have none so...
God Bless us all
it was real that real friends came to listen and my sister was a calling, it was real that someone took the time to just let me banter on my heart broken as it was and i am grateful and thankful to the universe for that friend of the heart. it tears at me so to live in craziness...
my son my grandson my new grandson to be, the mother in the situation, i can't help any of them so distant as they are not so far in mile but in attitude and interferance i just can't do
i am here but i am not calling
i am not looking for more stress
or anxiety or anguish, or disappointment or worry
do i care
yes i care
i always care
i wish i could change things but i can't
money rules the world it really does
but i have none so...
God Bless us all
Thursday, December 29, 2011
after the rush and glow
after the rush and glow there is a let down
and then you wonder why you feel like .... what
all the good times and then the bad times mix up
and become just a remembrance of what was
some how my family went from being together to fractured
again, i'll with stand it all and i'm letting things go
but it makes no sense to me,
kids, they are the children, they grown up and make decisions
if you try to guide them they get angry
when things don't work out they blame the parents
there is no sense of responsibility toward their choices
and now this. ughhhh just let me get through the new year so
i can deal with this better
i would just like to retire
i really really can't stand my job, my boss arghhh
she makes me crazy
and then you wonder why you feel like .... what
all the good times and then the bad times mix up
and become just a remembrance of what was
some how my family went from being together to fractured
again, i'll with stand it all and i'm letting things go
but it makes no sense to me,
kids, they are the children, they grown up and make decisions
if you try to guide them they get angry
when things don't work out they blame the parents
there is no sense of responsibility toward their choices
and now this. ughhhh just let me get through the new year so
i can deal with this better
i would just like to retire
i really really can't stand my job, my boss arghhh
she makes me crazy
Monday, December 26, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
youth and parents
It is Christmas day ...oh and I am soooo exhausted, all because of Christmas Eve but it was a wonderful night. Sometimes it is better to be older, I feel as if I have a better perspective. Thank you wisdom for being on my shoulders.
The best part of my night was having Little Andrew sit on my lap while we sang Christmas Carols. oh my that child stole my heart.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
The best part of my night was having Little Andrew sit on my lap while we sang Christmas Carols. oh my that child stole my heart.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve
twas the day before Christmas and all through the land
millions and millions of people questioned, where do you stand
everyone has worries, everyone has fears, everyone has
problems or issues, or cares,
but the question remained,
where does it stop, when can people say Merry Christmas and not worried they are wrong,
How foolish it is to always be on guard, why can we just share what it is our hearts, Happy Holidays to be politically correct, it just doesn't cut it, it's make shift at best,
Happy Happy Happy
enjoy your day of rest
pretty soon we will have tape across our country stating
Caution, Don't Guess...don't ask
Boo hoo and bar humbug to those that can't see beyond themselves to others, just wish them well... and if you say Merry Christmas don't feel guilty about it.
twas the day before Christmas and all through the land
millions and millions of people questioned, where do you stand
everyone has worries, everyone has fears, everyone has
problems or issues, or cares,
but the question remained,
where does it stop, when can people say Merry Christmas and not worried they are wrong,
How foolish it is to always be on guard, why can we just share what it is our hearts, Happy Holidays to be politically correct, it just doesn't cut it, it's make shift at best,
Happy Happy Happy
enjoy your day of rest
pretty soon we will have tape across our country stating
Caution, Don't Guess...don't ask
Boo hoo and bar humbug to those that can't see beyond themselves to others, just wish them well... and if you say Merry Christmas don't feel guilty about it.
Friday, December 23, 2011
highs and lows
last night was one of those nights that i consider myself blessed... Fred called it, I was asking an awful lot requesting him to fill the big guy's boots, that big guy meaning the Claus...and it all came off excellent--- nothing can take back the excitment of the kids at the Cuddler's house screaming it is Santa Claus, and Little Ricky Talking with Claus and even little Alastair pulling his beard and waving. I am still smiling. That was a Christmas gift to me. Thank you! thank you Thank you!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
wipe out
There was never a more fun dance when I was a kid than....WIPEOUT... what watta fun we had...and right now I am there...on the wipeout. It is Thurdays and wow again...mostly stuff wrapped just have to mail the things and be done with it all.not bad. almost finished..nerves are shot... have to make another list now for dinner..hahah..tonight the Claus is going out! what fun we should have.!Yah
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
exhaust......
when the body runs down does it let out exhaust... like the breath we exhale.. i am trully exhausted...have to get stuff out in the mail and i am very disorganized...ouch...but at any rate, i now have a few duckets in the bucket even though it was a cheapo check and well at least i can pay my bills ha... have to mail and sort out stuff today a little late but maybe not too late this i do not know...but off I go...
my Mom liked her new slippers --- she said to me, Is this my Christmas Present and I said Yes! and she was sooo happy.... I will remember that for the rest of my life. her face so happy
so the exhaustion is worth it, every moment. off to the grind, if i can find some Christmas in work I will be lucky.
my Mom liked her new slippers --- she said to me, Is this my Christmas Present and I said Yes! and she was sooo happy.... I will remember that for the rest of my life. her face so happy
so the exhaustion is worth it, every moment. off to the grind, if i can find some Christmas in work I will be lucky.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
What is Christmas?
Christmas for those of the faith is the day that is the celebrated birth of the Christ Child. A Child who came to us free of sin, to teach us of many things, love, forgiveness, sacrifice, ... a child without vice...
So what is Christmas to others... that I have yet to know but this is what i've seen,
Christmas is about giving and sacrifice
Christmas for some is about receiving, mostly the young heheh
they do not mean it maliciously, but we breed the, I want this and that...
Christmas is about forgetting about the self and thinking of others.
so i am working on that
This year for Christmas my husband went and bought a tree and put it up and also put up the lights on the house... Somethings he has never done, at least never alone, and I applaud him for his work because I just couldn't do it, i don't have the strength in me. That was a gift of giving ...and that is Christmas.
So what is Christmas to others... that I have yet to know but this is what i've seen,
Christmas is about giving and sacrifice
Christmas for some is about receiving, mostly the young heheh
they do not mean it maliciously, but we breed the, I want this and that...
Christmas is about forgetting about the self and thinking of others.
so i am working on that
This year for Christmas my husband went and bought a tree and put it up and also put up the lights on the house... Somethings he has never done, at least never alone, and I applaud him for his work because I just couldn't do it, i don't have the strength in me. That was a gift of giving ...and that is Christmas.
rambling
Dropped the D off at the bus...she texted me at 550 will you?
I didn't do it for myself, I did it for her because she is working very hard. I think she is handling it well, but I also know that she is discovering that working every day is hard because you get tired, and then there is stuff to do at home and sometimes you are just too tired to do that. it is a different world when you have a child... or children, sacrifices must be made and routines too or else things gets typsy turvey.... have so many thoughts, the need to be creative is pressing, when i have the mooments, they float and then disappear like bubbles in the air... like skid marks and the culprits that create them, like an itch scratched, like the smell of someone in the room and then dispersed, thoughts that disappear, what are they
are they dreams
are they shared
are they going someplace else for someone else to think them but perhaps in a different way because maybe they speak a different language, maybe they will float and twist and what was the purple yellow blue red orange green rainbow will be come rainbow, yellow blue, red, orange, green, purple.... do we share thoughts or do they just belong to one...
that is the question. can they be snared and kept, no one knows the secret?
what is the secret? is the secret one of love, one of giving, one of truth, or trust, or happiness? or is it evil one of lying and deception, onre of pain or sorrow or mean...
some people are trully mean, it is really horrid how they can be that way. it makes me want to throw up
some people are forgetful and you always have to forgive them, but sometimes i don't feel likfe forgiving them because there are moment in ones life that you need to pay attention and if you really care about someone they you don't forget----some people just opt for the new thing that has popped up because it is fresh and exciting, almost like an affair i would say...it is healthy to keep learning, and people can become obsessed with what they are doing and let everything else slide, then there is focus, some have to stay in focus or else they loose it...so they forget things ... then there are excuses... and mine is time got away from me and often it does, but then i am sorry for the moment has past and i wish i could back track to the time and change what ever i did so that i remembered and that would set off a different reaction then the one i feel or received because i forgot....
but that might be me and not someone else...another would be like so i forgot who cares and there may be a group who forgot so are they sectioned into the forgetful slots, what is it really about this collective conscience.... why do i believe so strongly...because i know we are there
I didn't do it for myself, I did it for her because she is working very hard. I think she is handling it well, but I also know that she is discovering that working every day is hard because you get tired, and then there is stuff to do at home and sometimes you are just too tired to do that. it is a different world when you have a child... or children, sacrifices must be made and routines too or else things gets typsy turvey.... have so many thoughts, the need to be creative is pressing, when i have the mooments, they float and then disappear like bubbles in the air... like skid marks and the culprits that create them, like an itch scratched, like the smell of someone in the room and then dispersed, thoughts that disappear, what are they
are they dreams
are they shared
are they going someplace else for someone else to think them but perhaps in a different way because maybe they speak a different language, maybe they will float and twist and what was the purple yellow blue red orange green rainbow will be come rainbow, yellow blue, red, orange, green, purple.... do we share thoughts or do they just belong to one...
that is the question. can they be snared and kept, no one knows the secret?
what is the secret? is the secret one of love, one of giving, one of truth, or trust, or happiness? or is it evil one of lying and deception, onre of pain or sorrow or mean...
some people are trully mean, it is really horrid how they can be that way. it makes me want to throw up
some people are forgetful and you always have to forgive them, but sometimes i don't feel likfe forgiving them because there are moment in ones life that you need to pay attention and if you really care about someone they you don't forget----some people just opt for the new thing that has popped up because it is fresh and exciting, almost like an affair i would say...it is healthy to keep learning, and people can become obsessed with what they are doing and let everything else slide, then there is focus, some have to stay in focus or else they loose it...so they forget things ... then there are excuses... and mine is time got away from me and often it does, but then i am sorry for the moment has past and i wish i could back track to the time and change what ever i did so that i remembered and that would set off a different reaction then the one i feel or received because i forgot....
but that might be me and not someone else...another would be like so i forgot who cares and there may be a group who forgot so are they sectioned into the forgetful slots, what is it really about this collective conscience.... why do i believe so strongly...because i know we are there
Sunday, December 18, 2011
temper temper
I can feel my temper being up, Christmas is not about what they give me...really I am angry because why would someone say that to me... to see how i would handle it.
the bottom line on Christmas...some Christmases are great, the joy, the friends, the family, the gifts, the not so exhausted Christmases are perfect but they are rare too... right now i am mifted at the people I work with, but really who cares, if they don't why should I ....And my employees, who are self righteous, etc... why would I care, they are not going to change who i am, i have no expectations, and that is the bottom line about that. I care about my babies, my grand sons and that is about it, even my kids, they are grown ups, they need to get over themselves, really.... I don't own anyone anything, Christmas is not about gifts, it is about giving, sometimes it is giving of yourself, or your time, or helping someone in need. that's all it should be but... of course the reality is there...so i am not trying to spoil Christmas, I just believe that the magic is there in the people not in the things...so let the bells ring.
the bottom line on Christmas...some Christmases are great, the joy, the friends, the family, the gifts, the not so exhausted Christmases are perfect but they are rare too... right now i am mifted at the people I work with, but really who cares, if they don't why should I ....And my employees, who are self righteous, etc... why would I care, they are not going to change who i am, i have no expectations, and that is the bottom line about that. I care about my babies, my grand sons and that is about it, even my kids, they are grown ups, they need to get over themselves, really.... I don't own anyone anything, Christmas is not about gifts, it is about giving, sometimes it is giving of yourself, or your time, or helping someone in need. that's all it should be but... of course the reality is there...so i am not trying to spoil Christmas, I just believe that the magic is there in the people not in the things...so let the bells ring.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Smiles away
Oh last night was sooo much fun. Went to see La Cage with George Hamilton who was very good even though I thought ....he is really getting up there, but it goes to show that up there is not so up there any more.
Steph, Syb and Kathy went too...Ill have to get the pic from Syb with the Queen oh she was lovely... I just laughed so hard and I didn't cry this time as I remember the first time I saw it I cried, but it wasn't that the show did not tug at my emotions it is just that the characters kept it so alive and lively oh my the one who played ZaZa... Fantastic just fantastic. The other ladies enjoyed the show too. It is funny how we remarked that we dont think our men would enjoy that show... sad, coz in reality the music could fit any relationship. just wonderful.
off to work a little late... but oh well
smile smile smile I could feel my lips just smiling and my teeth showing...laughing and grinning like a fool. just loved it! thank you
Steph, Syb and Kathy went too...Ill have to get the pic from Syb with the Queen oh she was lovely... I just laughed so hard and I didn't cry this time as I remember the first time I saw it I cried, but it wasn't that the show did not tug at my emotions it is just that the characters kept it so alive and lively oh my the one who played ZaZa... Fantastic just fantastic. The other ladies enjoyed the show too. It is funny how we remarked that we dont think our men would enjoy that show... sad, coz in reality the music could fit any relationship. just wonderful.
off to work a little late... but oh well
smile smile smile I could feel my lips just smiling and my teeth showing...laughing and grinning like a fool. just loved it! thank you
Friday, December 16, 2011
good and bad
My phone link is not working and I don't know why... that bits though because it limits my posts... Yesterday was a wonderful day until the jerk almost ruined it, but I am not going to let his addiction ruin my life or anyone elses if i can help it. Little Ricky Johnny and Alastair were all there to sing Happy Birthday, they are so sweet each of them. And I thank God for them because the big ones can just drive me mad. Steph ...oh no, Ricky...brat boy 1, Mikey runaway (don't blame him) and the all righteous Di...how did I create them. Giving them minds to think on their own perhaps I should have drilled the robot system into them then maybe they wouldn't be such brats. My new dr martin's boots gave me a blister on my ankle boo hooo...and now off i go to work...yek.
i believe in celebration, i believe celebration of youth and age, in celebration of good, and the hard working
i believe in celebration of freedom, of giving and grieving too.
i believe in joining together and laughing and remembrance and
saying how do you do
i believe in breaking bread together and gathering to touch and hug and just say, you are wonderful
i believe in the young and the innocence and i believe in protecting them too for the world is not a very nice place, it will stab you when youre down if you let it...
the wind is howling out my window...what is waitng for me out there, it sounds like a horror story.... eeek.... im scared, hold my hand and we will walk together through the mire, hold my hand and squeeze it tight and know you are with me even though you might not see me. Hold my hand and I will hold yours back and guide you coz i know sometimes you are lost and it is hard to find your way back again.
like any traveler on the sea in a ship blessed be.
i believe in celebration, i believe celebration of youth and age, in celebration of good, and the hard working
i believe in celebration of freedom, of giving and grieving too.
i believe in joining together and laughing and remembrance and
saying how do you do
i believe in breaking bread together and gathering to touch and hug and just say, you are wonderful
i believe in the young and the innocence and i believe in protecting them too for the world is not a very nice place, it will stab you when youre down if you let it...
the wind is howling out my window...what is waitng for me out there, it sounds like a horror story.... eeek.... im scared, hold my hand and we will walk together through the mire, hold my hand and squeeze it tight and know you are with me even though you might not see me. Hold my hand and I will hold yours back and guide you coz i know sometimes you are lost and it is hard to find your way back again.
like any traveler on the sea in a ship blessed be.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
december 15
Thursday December 15... so much stuff going on ...getting the christmas stuff done, today i am 54 who would believe it...arghhh how did this happen. In the middle of cleaning and decorating and just trying to get ready for the holiday...
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
dec 13
well i am off til my b day..haha..figures.but at least i might get some stuff done, now that i know it is not my back i am much happier. F is driving D to her job...oh my not good...grumpy grump...Thia is making me late for my Mom's ...entire day will be late now...arghhh
Monday, December 12, 2011
love and christmas
i love Christmas music. It speaks of joy, of beauty, of peace, of forgiveness, of giving, of sacrifice, of comfort, of light, of love, of remembrance, of angels, of Christ, of gifts and stars, and thoughts of others and what makes people happy..beyond the toys for children and the other gifts that people may want.
today F took me shopping or he tailed with me...oh how i like to shop by myself, but it worked out ok. I got the most awesome walking doc marten's and i am not ready to rock the streets.... can wait to enjoy them. hip hip hooray for me. So many good things..I keep praying every day. it is sad how nervous i am but i am very happy that my back is not the culprit that is ailing me and i just am going to have to focus on getting myself in shape and well ...no more goofing off in life even though it can be alot of fun...i have to look for new ways to enjoy that is for certain.
today F took me shopping or he tailed with me...oh how i like to shop by myself, but it worked out ok. I got the most awesome walking doc marten's and i am not ready to rock the streets.... can wait to enjoy them. hip hip hooray for me. So many good things..I keep praying every day. it is sad how nervous i am but i am very happy that my back is not the culprit that is ailing me and i just am going to have to focus on getting myself in shape and well ...no more goofing off in life even though it can be alot of fun...i have to look for new ways to enjoy that is for certain.
December 12
Only ...13 days til Christmas and I am falling shorter than I thought I would but I am managing still... Have a drs appt about my back which is scaring me...is it going to fall, fail, like a row of dominos...each disc letting go so that will only be able to crawl...that is what it feels like...i am nervous. without certainty where should i go from here. Time to get some stuff done ... maybe my hair...maybe my outside lights, i have to get my wreath for the front of the house, but maybe this year i wont maybe ill just decorate with the big bulbs i got...
today is mw's birthday...and i laugh as f called him the old man... just love it.
rip paul navarro
two deaths already this month, how many more?
death takes a ride through the month of december in between Thanksgiving and Christmas different than the other times of the year. The call for family and friends to be near is the theme and it gets ripped and changed and shatters dreams. So many deaths take tolls on the mind, and no wonder depression is high this time.
Feel for the families, cuddle the young, laugh and be merry and look for fun, don't dwell on the negative, look for the positive in every day, some day someday you will see the sleigh. an angel in white or a devil in red is Santa only in someone's head, lets give gifts of joy and be happy we live for tomorrow the reaper could come creep in your bed. dont ask where this dribble comes from, i'm just having some fun right now free writing.
today is mw's birthday...and i laugh as f called him the old man... just love it.
rip paul navarro
two deaths already this month, how many more?
death takes a ride through the month of december in between Thanksgiving and Christmas different than the other times of the year. The call for family and friends to be near is the theme and it gets ripped and changed and shatters dreams. So many deaths take tolls on the mind, and no wonder depression is high this time.
Feel for the families, cuddle the young, laugh and be merry and look for fun, don't dwell on the negative, look for the positive in every day, some day someday you will see the sleigh. an angel in white or a devil in red is Santa only in someone's head, lets give gifts of joy and be happy we live for tomorrow the reaper could come creep in your bed. dont ask where this dribble comes from, i'm just having some fun right now free writing.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
ugh
my nerves are unsettled... i dont think anyone could know how this feels ...well not true -- that was a selfish statement...
my son i dont know where he is...he doesnt call...it is so painful i could just scream i want to call around but he is an adult. i am afraid... and i wonder should i be or am i just making it out to be more upsetting than i need to be...being emotional just doesnt help. plus the refereress are being unfair to MY Patriots....arghhh
my son i dont know where he is...he doesnt call...it is so painful i could just scream i want to call around but he is an adult. i am afraid... and i wonder should i be or am i just making it out to be more upsetting than i need to be...being emotional just doesnt help. plus the refereress are being unfair to MY Patriots....arghhh
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Saturday Dec 10....
So my sis went away for her 60th birthday, lucky girl...I on the other hand had three days off after today.... one day for cleaning and getting christmas stuff together, one day for going to the doctors for my back which bites because that was supposed to be a day for me which is not going to happen now, and one day for Mom.Not happy with myself for the progression of my weight but only I can fix that...and the steriods and stress have a lot to do with that, but I am one of those people who has to exercise --- so the gym is there, but i really would like my treadmill back...please try to fix it.
Fred cracked me up yesterday as he dressed like Santa, and I got to kiss him too... So I can kick kissing Santa off my bucket list --- as that is something I thought would be fun and ticklish too...I will send pics later, Right now I am off to the boring ist place on earth...but i know i will find some entertainment there with my carriers...they do crack me up...even though they tick me off sometimes too.
my daughter is sleeping late
i am very proud of her for taking charge of her life
i worry as does her father but i am not going to fight
i see her growing as a person and that is how life should be
bless her and keep her even if she doesn't believe
for there is a spirt there, a higher power than me, a higher power than just you alone, there is the collective and i've seen it, i've experienced it, it many different ways, so trust and have faith, press on every day,
keep her safe, keep him safe, and hopefully someday she will see.
Fred cracked me up yesterday as he dressed like Santa, and I got to kiss him too... So I can kick kissing Santa off my bucket list --- as that is something I thought would be fun and ticklish too...I will send pics later, Right now I am off to the boring ist place on earth...but i know i will find some entertainment there with my carriers...they do crack me up...even though they tick me off sometimes too.
my daughter is sleeping late
i am very proud of her for taking charge of her life
i worry as does her father but i am not going to fight
i see her growing as a person and that is how life should be
bless her and keep her even if she doesn't believe
for there is a spirt there, a higher power than me, a higher power than just you alone, there is the collective and i've seen it, i've experienced it, it many different ways, so trust and have faith, press on every day,
keep her safe, keep him safe, and hopefully someday she will see.
Friday, December 09, 2011
sometimes some time
sometime some times would be like skating on ice
how i miss it
and how i would love to be able to...but this weight is keeping me down
i have to get over my fear and just get up and go that is the fact
knowing the my back is falling apart just isnt helping.
thank God it is Friday even though I have to work Saturday, I still have Sunday and Monday off...and then Tuesdays with Mom.. it will be good.sometimes people say the wrong thing....not because they intend to, but they do, so sometimes it is better not to say anything at all. off to the tombstone of my life...no creativity, none.
how i miss it
and how i would love to be able to...but this weight is keeping me down
i have to get over my fear and just get up and go that is the fact
knowing the my back is falling apart just isnt helping.
thank God it is Friday even though I have to work Saturday, I still have Sunday and Monday off...and then Tuesdays with Mom.. it will be good.sometimes people say the wrong thing....not because they intend to, but they do, so sometimes it is better not to say anything at all. off to the tombstone of my life...no creativity, none.
Thursday, December 08, 2011
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
hummm
I thought I posted pics of the Christmas Parade but I guess I didn't ...humm I have to do that today. lazy lazy after the drive yesterday, my leg is killing me so that isnt good, but not as bad in someways...however I haven't even started my day. Syb says it is my back that is doing this, yowzaaa...who needs it.
lots to do. drs tomorrow and then fri and sat and sun mon tues...off
yes, time off!!!! i need it.
Mom doing ok but not as strong as I would like her to be. She knows it too. still not able to drive. still having hot flashes...two years now. when will they ever stop.
37 ...7 minutes past the time i should stop
will it make me late for what is not
will i continue to just while away without a care
everyday not trying, not tending, not doing anything but working and coming home and being exhausted. ive got to stop and get in shape, is it really my back causing this pain in my leg...ugh....
onward today that is certain.
lots to do. drs tomorrow and then fri and sat and sun mon tues...off
yes, time off!!!! i need it.
Mom doing ok but not as strong as I would like her to be. She knows it too. still not able to drive. still having hot flashes...two years now. when will they ever stop.
37 ...7 minutes past the time i should stop
will it make me late for what is not
will i continue to just while away without a care
everyday not trying, not tending, not doing anything but working and coming home and being exhausted. ive got to stop and get in shape, is it really my back causing this pain in my leg...ugh....
onward today that is certain.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Morning thoughts
Off to Mom's will bring my page for my sister's book. just too tired. busy lately. Have so much to do. Giving to my mom while I can.
Monday, December 05, 2011
Addiction
An addiction is a curse. Affliction at it worst. God I am in so much pain. So much worry. I get so pissed off at other people because they judge. They have no compassion only judgement. They look upon it as a weakness of character. And it is in away but once it starts it is a cancer. A cancer if the mind. Of the body that is an evil more powerful than a nuclear bomb. It changes thoughts corrupts and weaves. It is a virus no antibiotic can kill it. No medicine can quell it. No amount if love or money can control it. I believe religion can help but religion can create problems too. I worry for my grandson. He loves his father. He is innocent. I want to protect him from the pain but it has taken root and I feel it seeping up. Spongelike absorbing. I wish I could squeeze it out
Today
It is gorgeous out. A nice day for taking a walk. Breathing in the air. It is just beautiful the cool wind carries sing me soothing me
December 5
The fifth of December, such a busy month...Tomorrow to Mom's .... and then Wednesday to Waltham for Jeanne's birthday...surprise. It should be good. But today I have to get the living room ready and go from there...So much baby stuff in the house it is congested. But not as bad as Karen's I don't know how she is doing it, I would be over the edge by now.
no response...figures... I tried but sometimes it is not good enough.
no response...figures... I tried but sometimes it is not good enough.
Sunday, December 04, 2011
December 4 2011....
off to the cape with the Bub and Johnny and Steph....
to see the Christmas Parade and then to visit Mom
Hope we have a nice day.
My stomach is a little weird and that is bothering me
Sometimes I wish I did have a van it would be better for traveling with the kids which appears that is what I will be doing a lot of.
not bad but the other side of me wants that mini cooper...the four door one is the best hahah
to see the Christmas Parade and then to visit Mom
Hope we have a nice day.
My stomach is a little weird and that is bothering me
Sometimes I wish I did have a van it would be better for traveling with the kids which appears that is what I will be doing a lot of.
not bad but the other side of me wants that mini cooper...the four door one is the best hahah
Saturday, December 03, 2011
Aunt Helen
Rest now, beaway from those bones that grew old
be away from the eyes that could barely see
and the knees that cried, no i'm tired.
Rest now and be safe be warm
be comforted above us all
with the spirits that you cleave to
linger in love
days no more a struggle
just love and loved
be away from the eyes that could barely see
and the knees that cried, no i'm tired.
Rest now and be safe be warm
be comforted above us all
with the spirits that you cleave to
linger in love
days no more a struggle
just love and loved
Saturday...all ready...
December...and so much to do..hang christmas lights, shopping which i did start by purchasing 5 Hess Trucks which are pretty cool...cards and cooking, dinner planning...i love it and i just can't wait! All the kids are getting bigger and that is the best part... Except for my jerk of a son that threw me into a funk like a baseball shattering glass, deceit is an awful thing... now to find a way out of it. to even be deleted by my kid as if we are nothing and no one ---
do the dance come on lets run lets go and have some fun
do the dance come on lets run lets go and have some fun
Friday, December 02, 2011
Ughhh
Pretty pissed off right now. It just cracks me up how people can be complete jerks and think they are justified. Reasoning isn't always sensible. So done with the craziness. So much want to get on the straight and keep going down the path so weary of steps and hurdles. Can it ever be just a road less travelled which is often a lovely drive full of adventure.
Choice
We make choices in the hope that the correct decision is being made. Not all decisions are correct. They may be right and they maybe wrong but still correct. One never knows. Just do your best to do the right thing even if others don't agree. Even if you are wrong you may be right Left
Thursday, December 01, 2011
ugh
not feeling well ...still stressed...husband stressed too. it is ridiculous --- my boss is driving me mad. I am worried about my mom and on top of that things are crazy at home. What difference does it all make? none what so ever. I can't change anything. Right now I don't even want to go to work because I don't want to deal with the bs. Oh please let her back off of me. I can't stand it.
then there is heather writing on facebook. I am beginning to lose my mind. arghhh
then there is heather writing on facebook. I am beginning to lose my mind. arghhh
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