Sunday November 27 ---- I think I've made it but then something happens...and here I sit with a million things to take care of. I don't know when I'll get to see the Bub again as the gf is being a jerk and they actually have both been jerks for a while, not the Bub but the mother and father of the child. Why must I forever fight this battle? A question that I can't answer because I could just not bother, just not care, and not fight at all --- would that be giving up and giving in --- Is it my own stubbornness that keeps it all going on? Another Christmas and wow --- I'm just feeling so sick. I knew it and I said it, and of course denial set in around the house, like something shrink-wrapped with Teflon or even encase in formaldehyde....just disgusting my heart is ripped to shreds again. And the disappointment, the worry, the feeling out of control is back. I try to let go of the anger but I cry.
I try to let go of the sadness but the anger comes back and then I just want to fight.
I work with unscrupulous people sometimes. I want to shout at them and tell them off but I don't ...8-9 years until retire ment....am I going to make it? Doesn’t seem so far away really.
guess ill go make breakfast. just want to scream
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