morning

hello morning that i am choosing to not shower before getting on the computer and blogging
hello morning that i am choosing to have a slice of toast and a cup of coffee before starting my day
hello morning that will soon find me in the shower, and blow drying my hair and running out the door to a job that i hate...at least at the moment...
it is unfair the way they are doing things, just completely unfair...
my son ....my eldest son ... had brought us into the the world of shadow again... and cursed as i feel because of his addiction, angry as i feel because of it too...my own family that one i grew up in, they just haven't got a clue. they do not know of the torture or the resentment or the horror that we have lived through and under, and i don't want their sympathy not do i want them to try to understand because their pity doesn't make it any easier, or thier horrification makes me angry ...it is a disease and it grows into being one, a need, as i wrote years ago, it will be him against it and there is nothing i can do...he cannot make it here we have been here too many times, and this one is the last, because i can't take it, it is just killing me and i dont even want the holidays to come but i have to put on that smile and do it and get through it when i would just asoon lay in bed and just stay there and let the world float on by