Joy

The Birth of my new Grandson, Alastair.

June 22...23....24....

I cannot describe the ride I have been on for the last few days. My well of emotions is over ridden

with love I must say thank you to all those who so generously shared their support and gave to my daughter and myself and my family.... so much to write...so many pictures to upload... but i'll give it a try...
tonight i'll write
tomorrow I'll load...some and i'll try not to be too long with it all...
on the 22nd of June I woke at 430 am...dressed, went to work, did my floor, but was a bit out of tune....as...
It really all started there...on Wednesday at work, my rush

Jimmy G --- came to me,his cell phone in hand.... my husband was on the phone, Dd has to go to the hospital right away, she has merconium in her water....
So I left and went to BW... where all my children were born...so much has changed

In labor now they let you drink and eat if you want,.... not I, I said... robbery...but anyway...this isnt about me, or is it... well of course it is, because my blog is about me...it is my space...enough though...

Arrived at BW and my baby DD was already in the triage where they access the situation,
was it bs, and would she be sent home, or was it really something and she would be kept...

DD was a keeper...

She was moved into a room with a hospital bed with removable parts, so she would be able to deliver in the room, the room also contained two chairs, one sleeper chair, the was not at all comfortable to sit on, and one chair that ended up being my chair that was not too bad for sitting on, but for sleeping on, or napping on it as I did, well ...it could not mold or stretch out so... to say the least... it bit me a few times...but
anyway...DD was doing ok, having contractions, but she had contractions in her back and she was very uncomfortable....
she changed into her old nightgown she brought because she thought she could do that...and she could for a while === until the reality that things don't always turn out the way you think they are going to turn out happened and it did happen...and it happened to her....

The hospital staff was sloooowwww in starting her on pit...which is what they give to try to kick up labor..but of course...it was 3 pm by this time....and Dj, her mate was late, and her friend, Kitty, i'll call her was taking the bus in from NYC... it was going to be a fun time...

DD would get to labor easily, take showers, and drink juice, and sit on a labor ball... but the reality was


After almost two days of laboring, Dd had two internal monitors, a catheter, oxygen mask, an epidural attachment, 4 different fluids in her IV, saline, antibiotics,2 types---- just in case because they thought she had an infection, and pit, she was as I say wired up ...and she needed to stay in bed..plus she could not move from her right side or the baby would go into stress and his heart beat would disappear...

they tried 3 times to have her go into heavy contractions, but it wasn;t happening...
Dr Feinberg came in and strecthed her to see if that would help kick things along and he even said that baby had coned... he was right there...and Dianna was in a lot of pain....so it was decided that a c section would be done...and that was postponed 3 times too because of different reasons... i just highly recommend that if one is having a child that person should skip the midwife clinic and go to a private because At the end of all this I ended up getting pretty upset and my daughter was completly exhauted, both physically and emotionally..and needless to say, so was I.

But the best part is that Alastair was born, healthy even though he did have to spend a few hours in the baby ICU because he was having a little trouble breathing but now he seems ok and even though my daughter has some how become atheiest in her 21 years, I prayed and I do pray because every little bit helps.

For my dear Daughter, my baby

Labor

for dd's labor and delivery
and the birth of Alastair Anthony

Bells bells all I hear are bells
bells the bleep beep mAchine
wired-- you're the keep.
Bells bong as big ben is broken
night into dawn --- bells
bells bing bong ping
pong from here to chair
to bed then ears and snared.

Bells bells not from the Dell
chime away calling
the nurses come -- nurses stay
bells bells bells
pressure low not pressed tight,
Pressure go from day through night
low
low cuff no help,
higher with the doctors help.

Quiet bells, quiet site, drapery hanging
in the light, quiet want, quiet eyes,
tears drip silent
want delight
clips do not clatter, knife does not scrap
beep beep beep beep
soothing steady beep beep
ears perched, sweet call waiting to hear a
cry, beep beep beep beep,
not a peep, but then
in the quiet, a small wah and then another


Doctors ooooo oooooing, nurses awwww awing,
mother soooo waiting, wanting
Hand held tight, then tighter still
Words not soothing,
eyes not seeing, trying to peek beyond,
Listening waiting, mother anxious,
she seeks him, then sees him,
her eyes employ
he is
Alastair, her child, her newborn boy.

_jw 6.11

New baby

Alastair is here. DD suffering a little bit. Emergency csection. I am so tired. So emotional. Will write lots later

Still at the hospital

A little freaked out. A lot over tired. I pray for my daughter and her child. God give them strength and keep them healthy. It is scary going through this. Just friggen scary

Still at hospital

Long day for my dear Dd. Long labor unlike mine. Have to bite my tongue a lot. Oh well

Hospital

Still at the hospital. Longer here then birthing my own babies.

At hospital

New baby. A little nervous. Worried for DD. God watch over her and her baby

June 22...

How did this happen, nearly a month has gone by...finally off antibiotics and still a small lump in my elbow... arghhh...next week to the drs and then we shall go from there... a bit depressed about it. my leg is doing ok, i just get tired and my back is sore... being off the humira i think is good for me, ive actually lost 5 lbs... so it was probably that drug that was putting weight on me...back to work and just continuing on ..what more can i do...waiting for the baby to decide to come... soon i hope.

used to have a video link now missing must do more research cant believe how little time i have boo hoo

Mom's Day

The weekend was like a day -- was one of sunshine from beginning to end... It began with the Bruins winning the cup and Mom's beautiful birthday bash. Who could ask for more?

June 20th

still waiting for Remy... when will he decide to come... soon i hope... Took pics that I have to post... unfortunately no time to do so...day off..swimming ...rug cleaning.and keeping the burning foot happy..whoya...
loving life

the Great Birthday

Started out decorating Mom's cake... then the ride... then the cake melted and everyone took it in stride for a great Happy Birthday tune and a Sun that was to sing to... Happy Birthday Mom ... it was a great celebration on Saturday with the bruins too... What a weekend... even with work! Pictures tell the story.

Father's Day

Really fighting back the tears today. I still miss my Dad after all these years. My kids are doing ok and that is ok, but Dad...

Today we will celebrate Mom's 84th birthday. It has been such a horrible year for her, she deserves diamonds and clouds to lay on, she deserves sweet ness and hugs and kisses until she says I dont want anymore.

I am sooo happy she is home. She was so sad when she was away her voice broke my heart. I'll never forget the "If I have to live like this I don't know--" I am so broken hearted in so many ways...but in others I will survive and just go on. But My Mom... God I just love her and I dont ever want her to go away ...ever

Two apps

BillBelichek

Man has class

Bruins, Bears, and Sports

Congradulations to the Boston Bruins! May every player be blessed by their hard work and never ending agility. They worked hard and it paid off. Tim Thomas is a superhero and do I need to say any more. HOORAY!!! bring on their parade....

Reading last night --- only three of the Bruins are actually us citizens. They are mostly canadians..ok.. What a difference since I was a child when I watched the best of them. I actually got to watch Bobby Orr and Phil Espisito, Ken Hodge, Gerry Cheever, Derek Sanderson and more I can't think of, and I watched Carl Yaz... and George Scott and Tony Conigliaro ex spelling dont have a lot of time here..baseball...
But growing up with a Dad who loved sports, and only 1 tv, I learned to love sports and my Dad didnt care if I asked him question either about the games, how else was I to learn.
Sports
Westerns
Cop shows
News
that was it

My Mom taught me how to knit and sew and crochet and cook ..i best not forget about that... but tonight i will be baking her birthday cake...84 years old she made it. I am so happy.

Have it

I've got this app but it really sucks. Tired during my days. Foot on fire off and on. Sometimes ok but the ins make me exhausted. My elbow is finally feeling cured. Thank god no surgery. At least I am hoping. Next week will tell being on antibiotics for over a month has played havoc with my stomach.
Tomorrow make moms cake. And I have to go to babies are us. So much to do.

Fairy

Test

mobile blog

mobile blog is working for texting but not for pics...boo hoo... i wonder..i will keep on trying... hot flashes severe this am... stressed obviously... pool going, johnny is back around and i just love him so... all is right in the world

Exhausted

So tired tonight ii came home did diner helped with the pool and had my Johnny here but sooooo grouchy. Fell asleep to wake up after 11. Crazy great day. So much happiness and exhaustion in the city. Gotta love it

And they Won!!!

The Bruins are number one today! They won the Stanley Cup, the creme de la creme of Trophies for Hockey. And it was awesome how they won, they skated and played their pants off. What a game! Thank you Boston Bruins. You are number 1... Thank you

Steph and Dianna respectively

both adorable babies

Pic test failed

Pic test

Checking out this app

Wow found app

Will see how it works. I wonder about pics.

frustration

hummm trying to figure out how to blog from my phone..... i think that would really be fun and i would blog lots more...not that anyone reads this stuff, but i like doing it. ive looked at other blogs and some are still going ...some have disappeared and moved on. i'm just hanging in here and still trying to get a mobile product working...will try other idea.... don't give up

june 13

really tired today... Mom's birthday which is wonderful
so happy she is home in her own house. this weekend is her party...
i am not feeling well...but off i go to work.
drs later... foot and back a little weak and this makes me nervous... good weekend with the kids except for dianna working over my head all night has given me a headache...ouch...do not like it.

Summer Rain

It isnt summer let, yet for days it was, heat and humidity, cook outs and lethergy
the night has brought cooler air and pitter pats, humming wind, and trickling of a river with out borders to my ears
i wake unable to sleep
pitter patter of childs feet
and I wonder, maybe it would be better in Florida, at least for the winter.

some thoughts

some how in my head this week I can't get the thinking out... that some people are mean, just mean. And mean people are evil.

It is unbelievable that I know people who actually feel good when they are mean to other people. They are twisted in their thinking and justify their actions of cruelty and rudeness with defensiveness.

I am making it a point to not have these types of people in my life. I would never ignore anyone because he or she was mad at me. I would never tell my mother to go fuck herself either if she spoke her mind....and I would never pawn my kid off to someone else because I'd rather have a good time drinking for myself.
Do I judge others, yes I do when that other deliberately ignores me and hurts me, yes, I judge people that do that to be cruel hence they are evil.

How great it would be if the Bruins won the cup. I drive Bus crazy. But right now it's sports and westerns sic fi and the pool. The bub graduate heart start. Waiting for baby Remy :)

june coming along

the pool is coming along
my back is coming along
the baby stuff is coming along
my mom is coming along
work is coming along
my medication is coming along
the cat is coming along
some things are not coming at all...

tomorrow is the test

Tomorrow I will hobble back to work, part time at least for now, I really dont know how many hours I will be able to work, hopefully 5 or six... it just sucks...
who ever heard of an infection in a bursa that needs to be operated on if it doesnt clear up, of course Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, but they are football players and it was in the bursa of the knee... bus says he learns something new everytime something is wrong with me.
blah is what i say, blah blah blah
i have so much to do and no motivation... i really have to get myself together.

just some thoughts

it's saturday night and the Bub is here sleeping over... he gives me so much joy... the little things he says and does
today he went to the movies with his mom and dad... as today was their family day and they went to see Pirates of the Carribean... and he liked it and only had to leave the theatre once because he was scared of the mermaid...
but he came yesterday in his red suit, the shorts and top i bought him and then he puts on his tony hawk pjs that i bought him too. i did of course let him pick them out and he just loves them and wants to wear them all the time. i just love him so
he is such a blessing

now pretty soon we will be having another blessing in the family a new little baby and i cant wait til he is here...
come on baby Remy... grammy is waiting for you

bus isnt feeling very well i think he has the flu the others had...i hope i dont get it as i have so much other crap going on...

i want to go back to work even if i dont get the block i think i could manage but i have to wait until the elbow biospy and all that gets settled
but i did make some killer chili today the best ive ever made i think ... and cornbread for Di and she loved it
Mom is doing well since arriving back home and she is doing more stuff for herself which is what she needs to do to get stronger

thank you God for watching over us

what

biopsy monday blah

now what

found a lump in my elbow...geesh louise... is anything ever going to get easier for me

June 3

24 days til i am a new grandmother ... could be sooner could be later... i would prefer sooner... nerve block scheduled for next week... better sooner than later..
Mom made it
home dispite tornados just crazy crazy

mom coming home

Dianna is a designer and she should be proud of her work...the above copyrightDCW2011
Mom is coming home...of course there has to be tornado warnings... pray pray pray
went out with B to the drs. my wbc 8.9 whooppee on line for the nerve block and back to life. the end of this up and down stuff... relief in a number
i suppose it comes all too quickly

still have not taken that walk down to the corner but am contemplating it still...
must write my thank you notes etc

once this is done i should be all set. build on the positive forget the negative and work within the possibilities

cant sleep

between cheetah nails and window sills with flowers
and cards and thrills
and prayers i give thanks to all who have prayed for me over the past couple of weeks
it truly has been grace given to me by others that has enabled me to keep myself together.. and even though i am weak and i am going to try to walk to the store tomorrow that will be a hugh feat on my part and then some
God give me strength... i can't believe the condition in the front of my house and the fact that my plants are dead.... how horrible a spring just how much deader could they be...ouch..

another overwhelming day

i was just laying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself, thinking of pizza instead of the ribs, Bus planned dinner... but... and the door bell rang, not once but twice...and there was a big little ole man holding a beautful pail of flowers... and on the card it said, "from your favorite Charlestown customers" and right then I knew it really came from my favorite Charlestown carriers but i am overwhelmed...I wonder if I have really died and didnt realize it....
since this happened to me i have had so many people sending me cards and flowers and fruit... and just all in all well wishes i am most humbled and appreciative

memorial day 2011

it is humid so hot ugly really... we have a pool but it isnt up yet..this back has done it again... put me out of the running...backed me up not ive got your back.. not too again----watching parenthood with the B man... yup old movie that still rings true
kids sleeping quiet

in the quiet i hear the sun shinning
i hear the clouds roaring overhead
i hear the silence in the quiet
the steps creaking
the birds tweeting
the cat running up and down the stairs
tail behind
in the quiet

pics

pics from 2010

it's really almost half over... 2011 and i never put anything in here from 2010...
so here i go

sat

it is saturday may 28th pugsley is 10 years old today... that seems nearly impossible to believe. uploaded all my iphone photos so i can blog them while stuck here-- back and leg not doing so well.... hope i can get the block and get back to life the week after this.

here is a pic of steph's and my nails she is soo funny!

getting settled...sorta

not feeling well at all---sick to my stomach not sure of the pain... it is there but i can't even determine what it is doing to me...so weak...nothing tastes right and my head weighs one thousand pounds. I really want to refuse to go through this again, but it happened, like a breathe, my leg just kicked out from underme, consummed in pain, unable to stand, sit, walk, just lying on my side hurt. nothing like it ever and i don't want to go through that again. still did not hear from the sports club about the cellulitus. and that is not right either. will dither my days trying to write in here keeping myself, my mind from going wild. best day of this week, Steph 33 Ricky 30 wow can't believe it.

wow wow and then wow again

lots going on

will update all later...

sept 10...

well well... today is the day before the wedding... all things must be packed and ready by 5pm our leave time... it should be fun to say the least if not interesting aside.

the best man severed his tendon in his finger creating a chain reaction of events... as he was a driver and he can no longer drive...so my brother is now picking up the slack and driving for two...so i will be worried all day....driving back and forth and round and round is not my cup of tea...

a good drive is motoring to a place--- pondering the roadside along the way, relaxing in the mire of the hills and curves and traffic if you must...and then you arrive....to the comfort of the place you've anticipated, even if it is a crowd such as in times sq, at the stadium, a sandy beach, overstuffed chair, bed or the arms of someone you love --- greeting you...

turn it around and travel home

home sometimes unappreciated... and why... housework...if only we had maids... too much commotion.... so many children.... but those are the things we love too... clean house and bright smiles.. and a dinner table with stuff to chew on...mentally and physically...

since i am avoiding all the things i must do by writing here i must say adeiu

thrusday

so very tired today, those 12 hour days kill me lately... lots to do between work and getting to the drs and finishing getting ready for the weekend...Mom has decided to go with my brother to the wedding... i would have liked her to spend some time with my family but it is her choice and it will probably be better for her.

i feel a slight change in the weather ... a bit cooler but i think i will survive...only 12 days til f and i take off and try to relax ...there is always a crisis here it is very exhausting.M has a job interview ...i hope all goes well...and then there is school for di tomorrow... i dont know what is really going on... i worry every day my stomach churns and i wish things were easier in the world... the world isnt nice...if you are one who never has to struggle you are lucky...i feel as if my entire life has been a struggle... and that kind of sucks... it shouldnt have to be that hard ...it shouldnt....
found out Andrew likes to paint...that is funny...not many men admit it.

sept 8

i missed yesterday,
but i wrote for 2 on the day before
is that cheating?


i am late this morning, lethergic, no desire to battle with those who just dont get it, why no do it in 8 that's it

anyway,
the wedding is just two days off... i am working only today and tomorrow then i have a mini vaca with the family...
i hope they have resolved their issues enough to be together for so many days.

it is different...adult family, adolescent family, young children family, tween familys...they all have different dynamics...
and i wish i didnt have to go to work as i could stay home and get stuff done...but that aint happening...
on ward

goal

my fiscal year.

write everyday even if i have nothing to say
even if there is no inspiration
even if it is insignificant
write
here
on paper
something
play

labor day

Morning...
starts slowing
sunshine slipping through the window
swaying sway sill in the pool deep
breath
scent soothing lotion peppermint or roses
on the feet
dew --- the grass newly cut
sausages frittering in the pan
eggs rolling over
muffins brown edges waving
white plates silver clicking
coffee and juices and conversation
lingering on the best of days
long hush why don't you stay?

September

This has always been my favorite month, the heat of the summer usually wanes, we close the pool, kids go back to school, even though there is more traffic in the morning, the days seem less crowded and the nights more peaceful, restful...this summer was the busiest summer on this homestead.... between people moving in, the 90 degree temps and the availability of the dinner table, the house has been jumping: nine for dinner nearly 5 days a week, the pool being used at all hours of the day and night, and the air conditioners pumping... whew... i am taking a deep breath....

the best view of this summer has been the watching of my morning glories that blumed slowly, lack of rain most likely the culprit.... but now they'r in full blume and every morning when i leave for work they are there to greet me wide awake --- a treasure to my eyes...

august 31

last day of the month and i have barely written...all year really.... there are so many thoughts but never that easy time of pen and paper..just busy busy busy all the time...last night sooo tired just dropped to the sheets... chivalry ---that is what my husband needs more of... and right now im not changing that song...if i wanted to be independent and self sufficient i would just be that way...there is nothing wrong with helping someone out.. too much stuff going on and i am stressed..i hate my nerves when i am stressed...ladda ladda

shot nerves

my nerves are shot, but for no reason except for the changes around here... managing but would be easier if i didnt worry so much... going to the airport to pick up Jeanne from Hawaii... nice vacation for her so i am glad... i think sometimes the perfect vacation for me would to be to just go away to a beach by myself... but now i cant even sit in the sun after going to the beach with Jo for 3 hours i got a nice burn..not a bad one, but red and i never get red... perhaps i will be totally brown by the time i return to work...

Ricky got a job and starts today, i am a nervous wreck... Mikey is challenged once again with his sybling rival...oh my i wonder how i will make it...oh well got to get into the shower..and fred has awaken... i dont want to miss a minute of not having to work...silly but true.

June 10th...

a moment of alone time because i need it, i just do...
very sad...
Aunt Ruth died... 83 is a good life but she was sick for 12 years that is a long time...and my Dad well he has been gone as long so perhaps that is why the hole feels very vacant very sad... I barely saw my Aunt Ruthie but when I did she always told stories that made me laugh...and I remember when I was very young going to her house and they always had snakes, turtles and other creatures my cousins would collect and store on their porch and of course I would always hang out with them.... Then they moved to Scituate and we didnt see them much after that.... i dont know ---things change--- life goes on...let go let go let go....

none of my brothers showed up at the funeral, Jeanne and I and Mom of course and it was just too fn sad so many memories
my cousin Danny said he didnt realize that my Mom was from the old neighborhood, how little he really knows --- do they ever talk?

all my cousins have the white hair...they all have those blue eyes like my Nana and the family just looks so much the same and just older

another day will go by and then another and I wont see that side of my family again until there is a death at least that is the way it seems ..its been a dozen since Dad died.....it should never be that way.... it just shouldnt and i dont really give a damn what the rest of my family thinks, my brother and his wife are anti family snobs and some day it is going to hit them right in the face because something is going to come along that they wish they were invited to and they are not going to be invited because why invite those who think they are above the rest. that is not charitable but it is just the way i feel.

God Bless my god son Brain a great kid he give me hope

May 20th how can that be

I can not believe it is the 20th of May... wow... Ricky will be home on or about July 19th so that is Two Months... I am behind in everything. Sunday is Steph's bd party and then she will be 32 on Monday...and Ricky will be 29... on Monday too... I remember when I was 32 that just seems impossible to me.

Went with Steph to Open Door last night. We had a good time...

Have to go to the hospital today for the halter...I wasnt going to do it, but I suppose I should for safety sake. I dont want anything being wrong with my heart and me just having a heart attack some place especially since things are not inorder.

I think I am suppose to take Fred's car so I best get going because I have to switch stuff around.

I wish I was still in Disney.

just another day

there is never just another day for me... every day is big... i have to live this way and i am certain it drives my husband mad... i might not be here tomorrow, i might not be able to walk tomorrow, i might not be anything tomorrow and how i wish tomorrow would never come so that i can just continue to live...

i am not afraid of dying, i do not feel as if i have accomplished everything that i should have while ive been here as me, but certainly i have accomplished much so if it were my time to leave then so be it, i would not want others to grieve for me so much as i would want them to remember me

but anyway the first day off ive had in ages it seems even though we went to Disney and I did have a couple of non work days that were of course scheduled with activities, well...it seems absurd to me that my husband would not allow me to go visit my mother, your car is not fixed...oh yeah i forgot...good enough for work not for travel...and again, ride my bike..disallowed...someone might knock you off it... so now i am in a bad mood..this really has to stop...overprotective husband... i said, you will let me go to nyc alone but you will not let me ride my bike which i havent been able to do for 10 years.... arghhhh... something has to be done...

it is now after 3 and my day had been impeded so much that i am exhausted from the disagreement... i will ride my bike, i will and i will find a way...the bike rack is coming out of the basement and then he wont be able to say a word.

least i forget to mention, he did say a little at a time..and i do agree however, i dont need him sitting on the front steps watching me like i am a 6 year old...help save me from the retireee not nice but i must vent dont worry i am emailing this post to him.

another little disney movie

alittle disney movie

Mother's Day

Well today is Mothers Day...a day to celebrate mothering-- ... not just a day for mothers etc... anyway...yesterday a trip to Derby Street.... I guess I am a snob...there is nothing like classical music being fed through the open air as you stroll....

Fred and I went to the Summer Shack which has bad reviews on most of the web sites I have read....but I liked it, of course we did not go to the one at the casino or vacation hot spot so maybe that was the difference...

The clam chowder was brothy, not alot of cream --- excellent... and the full bellied clams ( I ordered the starter --clams only --- no extra stuff that I couldn't eat anyway ) were light and not overly breaded...Fred got the fried chicken, they made it to order....steaming even as he bit into his third piece....tasty.... He passed the wing onto me knowing I am partial to wings...mmmm tasti-too, I shared a few of my clams.... i must stop excusing my bad dieting...

We went into Williams and Sonoma.... and bought a donut cake pan...20 bucks..two pans --- 1 cake mix makes two cakes... or one big huge one so silly that i would not make it so big....so i created a chocolate sprinkle cake, a glazed cake, a coconut donut cake, and a rainbow sprinkled choc frosted yellow cake...what we are going to do with all these cakes i do not know...

We went into Brighton Collectibles where I tried on a perfect neckpiece that is now in my jewel collection along with a fantastic bracelet Fred picked out and earrings.... so it was a spending day but it was fun...now onto the big savings plan, tuition coming up soon enough...

on the dark side I worked over 54 hours this week for the kitty... and next week looks almost as bad but with two college tuitions to pay I must take it when it is offered...

It is a blustery day here... I dont know when I am going to get my journal from Disney blogged...when i read it I laugh...i guess it is great to be able to laugh at ones self...

and a few more unedited pics

WDW