getting by

well i was almost axed from the program. my coach who is supposed to meet with me a bunch of times during this process did not approve of my promotion. it went before the board and they voted ok to let me pass with reservations. i have my own reservations. but i am going to be quiet still....and just go in an do my best to do a good job, i dont know how i can learn anything from someone who doesnt see that he doesnt want to teach me. i am the loser though because i do not have the power that he has ...or bc had that obvicously went elsewhere. but what hurts me, what truly hurts me deeply is that my integrity has been questioned. And I said that to my coach. You have questioned my integrity. That bothers me. It is going to be a long day, and Valerie says, I have been labeled. I think that is absolutely true, by whom I do not know. Censured is what should be written. No new job is easy but i am worried about selling out my soul. more because i am not recognized for what i know but what i dont know. and well i just cant believe dg said anything bad about me..