the horror of it all

Monday

B my trainer was off. I worked with the other supervisor, T who is very nice and the manager, S J who is great too. The day went relatively smoothly. I was not responsible to work the floor.
The area manager, J called and apparently said to T that I should be running the floor. T said it aloud.
We laughed, and I said, “They did tell us they wanted us to run the floor when we went to our next station.”
S said, “We’ll give you time to know the place.”
T ran the floor; I help as much as I could. I have a lot to learn. T said they count the sprs here in the dispatch. I don’t know what to thing or do, mixed messages. T was just as unsure, she didn’t even realize that she needed to count the curtailed mail for Dois. She is new too and usually does only the financial.
I’ll ask B when I see him tomorrow. All stations are little different, that I know.
I used the DCD without writing down the numbers for the first time and made a mistake. I knew it but I didn’t know how to fix it, although I tried, the other supervisor didn’t know how to fix it either. It was a relativity ok day. S J. is very supportive

Tuesday

I met B while coming through the door. I hung up my coat and went to find him. He was counting the mail in a hamper. I asked him if they counted sprs, as I had been trained to not count them in W R. He told me that he counted them as flats, 115 pieces. He also said there was a certain amount of letter mail at 1.75 feet per tray. I said that “I was previously taught that there is 2 feet of mail per tray.” He was still moving the mail in the hamper and the clerks were there. He told me specifically, “Where did you learn that?”
I said, “W R.”
He said, “I don’t care what you learn in West Roxbury or anywhere.” Adding “and I don’t want to know who told you what.”

I followed him into the office and explained that I had never used the DCD as in W R they didn’t have one, but I had tried the day before. I also explained about the DCD mistake, I had made the day before. He went through various processes and fixed it. His tone was gruff with me. Again he said to me, “I don’t want to know about W R” And I said,” I guess there are differences in every station.”
He replied brusquely,” NO there are no differences in any stations.”
Then I said,” But I was taught it was 2 feet per tray and you say it is 1. 75 so that is a difference.”

As B sat at the computer I mentioned that there were a “ton” of service talks in the office. He asked,” What do you mean?”
To be more specific I said, “We’ll there are two here a VOE and an OSHA, and also three on the clip board. Can I give one today?”
“No,” he said without any explanation. I was taken back by his response and as I had no reason as to why he wouldn’t let me or want me to do a service talk especially when there were so many to do. I mentioned that J called the day before and said he wanted me to run the floor.
B said, “Yeah” and I shrugged my shoulders. And then I added that “that was what they told us in class.”
B told me sternly to be quiet and listen and added, “I have to grade you on your listening skills and the feedback I am getting from you is that they are not where they should be.
By this time I was upset, and I was defensive as I said, “I am a 48 year old woman, who has 4 kids. I am a certified teacher and I have excellent listening skills.”
I added that, “I didn’t know what his expectations of me were, and that I was fearful of him being my trainer as he had already deep sixed someone in my class.”

He asked me boldly,” Do you think that is what you deserve?” And I said “No I do not’ just as sternly back.

He barked at me to stop talking and to listen to him, leaning his face toward mine, reiterating that he “didn’t want to hear what I had to say. He instructed me to “be quiet and listen. You are still in training and I am your instructor.” I fuddled words,” Are you saying I can’t ask you questions” I was nervous as he was speaking to me as if to put me in my place.
Sternly, he said, “See you are still talking back to me, when I told you to sit and be quiet and listen. What I heard from you was that you are telling me that I don’t know my job.”
I said, “I didn’t say that.”
B reprimanded me again. I sat quietly, in shock from the exchange of words, totally berated and washed out. A little while went by I didn’t say another word, and then about 9 or 9:30 B left as he said to me he had a Drs. Appt.

I was upset, but did what I could on the computer and the workroom floor. B left me no instructions.
I was so upset I called my coach and left a message with my cell phone number.
I also spoke to S J.. He knew I was upset. He listened with understanding.

When I got home I called a classmate and also T Q, my old manager, who gave me advice and support.



Wednesday

I arrived before 5:30 and immediately found B counting the mail. I asked him about the count. I followed him around while he went into the office. He sat at the computer and did the entire computer work. I was pretty quiet. I asked if I could count the mail with the DCD. He said, “Yes” but never gave me any instruction nor did he try to talk to me about using the DCD. I counted the mail and gave the DCD to him to check. He never said a word. About 10 or 15 minutes later he came to me and said I had “missed something on the floor and I was to go and find it.”

I found I had not counted a tub of mail the clerks had dispatched to the carrier since the count, when I told B, I found a foot, he said and what about rte 21, and he took me there and reprimanded me in front of the carrier and then walked away. I was following him as I tried to explain that that mail was not originally there.
B smirked at me.
I said, “I am not making an excuse, but that mail wasn’t there.”
He reprimanded me by saying,” You are saying you are not making excuses but you are. You are responsible for the mail count.”
I agreed, and felt belittled and unfairly criticized as the mail he was referring to was mail that the clerks had place near the cases after I had done the original count.
I had not counted the mail the carriers were to sweep at 7:30 upon their report. I felt disheartened and confused. I had no specific instructions and B’s attitude made me feel insecure as if I was hanging by a thread. Instead of supporting my efforts, and specifying instructions to me, he let me fail to count the mail for the carriers’ first sweep and he emphasized my mistake.

( I had no idea of the procedures for the carriers in this office. I figured it out that they like W R punched in and swept. In N Q where I worked prior, the carriers usually went to their cases and then swept.)

I followed B to the office where he continued to do the computer work.
I looked at the reports and reported to B, just as S J popped into the office, that the street/office scans were low. S gave a service talk about scanning. B did all the computer work. I watched quietly. Later B did some stamp counts and transfers and I watched and asked questions. We did not argue. Later, we talked about next week’s area safety talk and he said “Why, you have never been?”
I said, “No, why would I?”
He said, I could attend the one next week and I said I thought that would be good. I also told him about my conversation with one of the carriers using a broken u cart and the conversation I had with the union steward about the situation of the Ucarts in the unit being a safety hazard. B emailed someone to find out about getting more.
He made no comment good or bad.
He left about 12:30 as he said he had to order stamps. He didn’t ask me any questions or give me any feedback on the day.
The day was someone ok.

Thursday, I arrived at my usual time before 5:30 and started counting the mail, I didn’t see B. I took a count sheet out of the office, as I am new, and I don’t remember the numbers and I want to have a reference for the mail count coming into the office. I counted the mail and B was there. I said hi and followed him into the office where B and I had, what I thought was a productive conversation while he was checking his email and we did check the delivery truck.
It was 7:10 when B said that he hadn’t done the DOIS and TACS and I could do it adding the he “couldn’t actually understand why I wasn’t already doing it.”
I just looked at him, but I wanted to say, “why didn’t you say that earlier?” and also “how could I when you have been on the computer?”
I felt under the gun, but was grateful for the opportunity to perform some supervisory tasks.
I printed out reports; B left the office and went to the other side of the building. I had questions. I felt that if I dare make another mistake B would reprimand me again or give me another sign of his disapproval and make me feel more stupid and incompetent.

At 8:30, S wanted his reports. I felt as if B set me up by not allowing me to do the work earlier, but I did have it complete except for one transaction in Tacs.

An aside: B stated in my evaluation that I had made some mistakes in DOIS. If this is true, he never pointed them out to me. It is true that I made two mistakes on the mail count entries into DOIS, but I identified these mistakes immediately and worked to correct them. He never pointed out any mistake I made without me recognizing them first.

I could not get into CSDRS.

I informed B that he would have to do the CSDRS as I had no access. He came into the office and started writing out numbers from reports and I started to ask him questions about why he needed those numbers. He said some for the DPS. I said that I had done that report and I pointed it out to him. He was visibly annoyed with me for pointing out the report. He didn’t say that I did it correctly or incorrectly. I asked him “why?” again about the more numbers he was putting on the back of the Early/Late leaving report and I asked him why he didn’t use the CSDRS delivery helper report. He moved toward my face and sternly told me “When I am instructing you, you are to be quiet and listen. Do not ask me any questions or interrupt until I am through. I was upset, the phone rang, I said, ”Do you want me to get that. He said, “No.” and covered the phone with his hand.

(He did this numerous times when I asked should I get the phone or said “I’ll get it”}

B answered the phone and was talking with a customer. I had a customer request from My PO that I had printed out earlier and I didn’t want to miss the truck driver so I went to take care of the parcel while Brian was on the phone. I left the office to try to find the parcel. The parcel rack is only 10 -15 feet from the office door at most. I labeled the parcel and as I was walking back into the office B called me.
Back in the office, he reprimanded me for leaving while we were doing the report, even though he was on the phone. I said that I was trying to get something else done. He said that I shouldn’t have left because the CSDRS report was due at 10:30 and it didn’t make a difference if he was on the phone. I said, “But I can’t do the report.” B looked at me and told me to sit down and be quiet while he instructed me, he picked out my ASP evaluation from the file rack and read aloud the section on oral communication and pointed out the listening sections. He said to me, as he held the paper in his hand and repeatedly pointed his finger upon the paper, “Look, I have to give you a grade from 0 -4 and I’m telling you, you are not going to make it. I have spoken to K S about you …” at this moment S J was at the door.

I am sure I looked at S, and B, in some horrid way. I felt threatened. The phone rang; it was my coach Joe S. on the phone. I felt as if the phone call was an act of God, the higher power intervened.

I was rescued by my coach. He saved me from another round of B’s whims and moods. He saved me from more reprimanding, belittlement, confrontation, antagonism, and out and out disregard for me as a person.

I was so upset. that as I spoke to J, I could barely talk. We agreed to meet at 1:30 on Friday.

B and I never finished the “discussion” that he began by pointing out to me that I was not going to make it.

Later, just before he left, B said, “Why don’t come in at 6 tomorrow because you will have that meeting?”
I said that, “I feel I should be in at 5 because I want to get used to working the floor and I want to have enough time.” B didn’t say anything else about my desire at that time. Little did I know that he would come back to me with my statement later, and use it to say I was "telling him what to do."

B was leaving at 11:30 or so as he had a meeting in town.
He said, “We’ll start again tomorrow.” Which I thought was a positive, but I was shaken and upset.

I ended up voicing my concerns with S J again, telling him I was upset with how B was talking to me. I felt that if he was my trainer he should be more supportive and less critical.

I called K S in PEDC; I also called one of my classmates, and D P, my trainer, while I was in W R.

I asked DP to please criticize me and tell me what I did wrong as I am doing something wrong. D reassured me that I had the skills I needed to be an effective supervisor. I voiced to D that I felt like this guy was going to give me a bad evaluation and that it didn’t make a difference what I did. D told me to call K S as she was sure my instincts were correct.

K S called me later. He voiced his concerns about my pre-attitude toward B and also stated that he didn’t want to take me out of M. I agreed that I did voice my concerns to V when I was told of my assignment. But V said that “He is a good trainer.” So I said “OK, I’ll go.” Although I was on guard, I do not feel and I still do not feel that I had a pre disposition toward B.

It was my experience with B this week that has lead me to believe that B, no matter what I do from now on, will always view me in a negative manner. I did say to K at the end of the conversation that B did say when he was leaving “We’ll start again tomorrow.” Which I thought was a positive.

I was upset all evening, but still maintained a good outlook. On Friday. I was hoping to let bygones be bygones. My thoughts were, I was going in early so I would have enough time to be organized and run the floor. I would only ask B questions when he was not instructing me. Maybe things would be better.

Friday

I reported to work, took a count sheet, counted the mail, did scheduling with the help of B and did all the reports and followed all the protocol I had learned in W R. B had never given me a protocol nor did he discuss any mistakes I had made in DOIS or Tacs or anywhere else.

When B saw that I was writing down the mail count from the trucks, he informed me that they don’t use that sheet; they just put it into DOIS.
I explained that I wanted the sheet as a reference.
I found I had made a mistake on one seq set in DOIS even though I had B look over the DCD. I saw the mistake and worked to fix it, finally B came into the office and with his help, I did fix it. I thought every thing was going well. I had Tacs and DOIS complete before 7. I had all the mail counted by the time the carriers came in.
I stood at the cases and said hello to everyone so I could see them and get use to calling them by their names.
I went back into the office and tried to complete all the paper work. In-between, I also tried to go out onto the floor to make sure all was working properly. One letter carrier on the schedule didn’t show up because of some miscommunication between certain parties. S and B discussed by the carrier had not shown up. B said he had talked to the carrier Thursday afternoon. B decided to call back a carrier from NQ. I asked should I call her. B said, “Yes.” I did. I thought things were finally working out ok.
Hours needed to be sold, etc. I asked B if I could do a service talk, but he said, “I have some stuff to talk to them about.” I took that as a “No.” I didn’t dare ask him why or say anything else.

B talked to the carriers. I managed DOIS and Tacs and other functions I could perform. I wrote down the numbers for CSDRS on a buck slip. B came in and printed out the Early/Late Leaving report and did the CSDRS. I watched and asked no questions. He didn’t explain what he was doing. He left the office. I found him on the other side of the building doing my evaluation. T, the late supervisor was there.
I asked should I put in the splits, router time and auth. OT or does the late supervisor do it, and I looked at T. He said, “The morning supervisor does it.” I left and continued working in the office.

Off and on through the day S J asked me how things were. I told him ok. And I thanked him for listening to me and supporting me. I also asked him some questions in regards to the procedures for handling a new scanner that came into the office as B was at the other end of the building filling out my evaluation. S gave me some instructions. I did what he told me to do. And I didn’t think that it was out of line for me to ask the manager the question as B was busy.

Later I told B what I had done and he said to me, “I don’t do it that way. S has his own way of doing it.” This lends me to believe that I had again made the horrid mistake of asking someone how something was done in the office without asking B. I was fearful of the reprimand that he was going to give me.

It was after 12:30 when B came into the supervisors’ office with my evaluation. I was finishing up the OT auth in tacs. He told me I didn’t need to put the times in at the end of the day for the OT auth as I have been previously taught. I didn’t not argue with him or ask him any questions but did as he instructed. Then he gave me my evaluation.

I looked it over and felt myself flush. I am sure my distress was visible. B said something to me, but I didn’t even hear him.

I told him that his evaluation was unfair and I state even stronger that it is truly unfair and non objective.

The facts below support my assessment of my trainer’s opinions of my performance, beyond the fact that there is not one positive remark on the evaluation.


I pointed out the homework. He originally checked off, “completed unsatisfactorily.”
I argued, “I didn’t complete my homework.”

I told B about the homework on Wednesday and he said he didn’t know where to find a 2608. I explained that I had looked for a 2608 in the office, but couldn’t find one. He said he didn’t know where to find one either. I also said that I asked, the manager, S where I might find one. S did not know. I also said to B on Wednesday that I found a step A in the plastic tray and pointed to where it was, but we never went over it. And I said that I knew I could find a 2608 on online but I never downloaded it nor did B discuss the situation again as he was out of the office and I felt too intimidated to mention it.

As I reviewed the homework section I said, “My homework was incomplete, not completed unsatisfactorily.”
B retorted,”Why is that? Whose responsibility is that? “
I knew my homework was incomplete but I didn’t care. I knew that I could work on it later and I wanted a chance to talk to J and K about my situation.

I feel that B deliberately set me up to have a negative on the homework evaluation, because although I mentioned it to him three times, he never gave me any feedback about it.
When I argued with his assessment on my evaluation, B was willing to change it because I said to him, “It maybe not completed, but it was certainly not completed unsatisfactorily.”

I would rather have a not completed on my evaluation then to try to discuss the 2608 with him as have to maintain a subservient position as B’s trainee. I have every intention of completing my homework but I wanted to discuss the situation with my coach first.

As we went over the evaluation, I wanted to say to B that he was unfair about the remarks he made as far as Dois and Tacs were concerned as he never showed me any mistakes I had made in DOIS or Tacs. But I remembered earlier that there was an error on a particular carrier, D G. The error didn’t show up in the daily error report. S just happened to be coming by the office and I said, “This is so weird.” I showed him the clean report from earlier. S agreed. He went into Tacs and took out the changes I made to see what would happen. The weekly report showed the errors but not the daily. I made a note of that. B didn’t say anything to me. I apparently made the mistake again of talking to S when I shouldn’t have. I did not do it deliberately but I think that B, because of his statement on my evaluation and also his implicit instructions before I left on Friday that I was not to speak to anyone else but him, was offended.

The DCD evaluation I thought was fair for the time because I had made two mistakes.

The Safety evaluation was unjust and misleading, as he wrote that I “asked to do an OSHA talk on Tuesday but I had yet to do it” or one.

We argued about this, as I said,” I asked you about this Tuesday and you said “NO’ and today when I asked again, you said, ‘I have some things I want to talk to them about’.”
He replied,” I never told you NO.” B’s behavior and answer was a signal to me that he deliberately did not say ‘no’ for a reason. He also did not say “yes” which I would have liked to say to him but I didn’t because it wasn’t worth arguing about.

B did not mention in the evaluation the positive conversations or actions I displayed toward safety while I was in the station.

After the safety talk discussion the agitation grew.

We argued about me reporting to work at 5 instead of 6. He stated “you are not supposed to work ot.” I replied, “Actually, I was told I could.” I pointed out to him that he never said a word the day before when I said I would rather come in early in order to make sure I had enough time to manage the floor.
I said, “I didn’t care about the time that I would see my coach on my own time, that the money didn’t matter to me.”
B said, “If you get into an accident you will be covered under OWCP and you should be on the clock.”
I replied,”It really doesn’t matter to me.”

B verbally bashed me more by pointing out and manipulating situations that took place. He took this time to point out that I had written the CSDRS information on a buck slip instead of on the back of the Early/Late leaving report. I said to him, “But I didn’t do that report.” And he said to me, “but you did write the information down here, which tells me regardless of what I tell you, you are going to do it your way. You changed the overtime desired list; you took people off because S told you to.”
I said, “I was just doing what I thought I was supposed to do.”
He reprimanded me sternly, “The quarter is coming up and those people are just going to ask to be added to the list again.”

I sat there quietly and was instructed again that "You are not to talk to anyone or ask questions about anything from anybody.”

As B’s trainee, I am not allowed to show any initiative, communicate with anyone else but him, and/or ask questions about anything. As B’s trainee, according to his instructions, I am to “sit and be quiet when he is talking to me or instructing me.” I am “not allowed to ask him any questions until he is through instructing me or talking to me.” I am also “not allowed to ask anyone else any questions about anything.” I am not allowed to freely answer the phone if he is in the office with me. If I say “I’ll get that.” Or “Do you want me to get that?” B’s response is always “No” and he puts his hand over the phone and waits for it to ring one more time before he answers it, which tells me that B dismisses my presence as a viable source in handling any phone communications.

As B’s trainee, in the approximately 24 hours I have spent with him, I have been chastised so many times for my actions that I cannot make a sound or move the only acceptable behavior is to be quiet. B gives mixed and no signals about his expectations, and I honestly feel that no matter what I do, I am doing the wrong thing.

In the end, I told B that I thought “he was overly critical, and that in my opinion, a trainer is supposed to support a candidate not just criticize and chastise.” We had many more words between us during which B said, “That is how you feel, but I didn’t make you feel that way, and also it is a matter of perception. He also retorted to me that, “I didn’t need to hear from you, that you are a 48 year old mother, with 4 kids and a teaching certificate.”

I wanted to reply, you left out the part about “and I have excellent listening skills.” But I didn’t.

I just wanted to leave.

We argued about signing the evaluation, for I didn’t want to sign a copy until I talked to J S. He questioned me on why was that. And I said that,” Joe was my coach and I wanted to see what he had to say.” B pointed out the clause about not agreeing with the assessment, so I did sign a copy for him. B tried to give me a copy for J, but I told him that I had to sign the evaluation first. I took only the original, and left the copy with Brain.

I gave the original to my coach J S.. I signed it with the statement that said that I felt the evaluation was unfair. I do not have a copy for myself. I feel humiliated and ashamed.

It is my opinion that B did and will continue to evaluate me from a negative point of view.
It is my perception, that I annoyed B by asking questions and asking to do tasks that are part of my job. B established the routine of telling me “No” the first time I requested to do any action or task, intimidating me from wanting to ask if I could do anything again.

If I interrupt B while he was instructing me, it was for clarification of what he was doing.

B has given me implicit instructions that I am not to speak to anyone else but him, but B never gave me a tour of the station, nor did he give me the procedures that are followed on the day to day activities in the station.
I learned about how the station works by my own investigation, asking clerks what they do, asking carriers, how do you do this? In my opinion, the inability to ask questions and talk to employees is an impediment in my learning process, because to get to know the employees and my peers in order to be a team player and an effective supervisor need to be able to communicate with them.

Numerous other incidents took place in the short time I spent under B’s guidance that were positive instances of my effectiveness as a supervisor. These incidents also support that I was willing to work with B, but that B chose not to acknowledge these situations in my evaluation or even on a personal note to me.

One, in particular, was when a letter carrier was arrested. I received a phone call from a postal inspector. The other supervisor was out of the office, and S J was in an area managers’ meeting. Although, I knew B was at training, I called him on his cell phone and gave him the information and also asked his advice, “Should I leave the office to investigate it.” He said,” No” and that he would call me back. He called me back as he had the info, that it was a carrier out of R, but hung up with out even saying goodbye after I told him that T had just come back into the office. The next day B never mentioned the incident to me but told the letter carriers in the office about the incident while he gave his ‘service talk.’”

During the hours I spent in M, B my trainer never said one positive remark to me about any supervisory situations or tasks I addressed, communicated or accomplished with customers or employees.

B also only stated half truths on the evaluation.

Before I left, B also informed me that he trained, ”D , L C, J D,, M D, and J F who are very successful at what they do.”
I listened and collected my things to go to my meeting with Joe S.
As I turned to leave I said to B, “I do not want to argue with you.”
B replied, “I do not believe that.”
He said,” I’ll see you at 5:30 on Wednesday.”
I replied, “I guess so.”