getting over myself

exhaustion ... i was exhausted and slept for nearly 4 hours
tension, stress, relief --
talk talk talk
blathering on and on about things i cannot change
my husband is a patient man
he gives great shoulder rubs
and has more faith in me than anyone
not withstanding my Mother and my Lil Sister who are wonderful
supporters of me too. thanks Mom and Jo

i am thankful for my Husband though
for when I am suffering some internal crisis He knows how
to handle me, and when suffering something so internal, so mental, that it
hits me physically----
He knows when to take me for a ride
and when to hold me tight
He knows when I need him more than I do.
He likes the independent me, but loves it when
I say "what would I do without you" he knows i would survive
without him, but I dont ever want to have to---
i hate that he smokes
he should quit
i sadly admit that i wonder if it is too late
his mother died at 65, his uncle too,
lung cancer they smoked
they say lung cancer starts small--
when detectable ...sometimes too late
my chest is crushed
i hate cigarettes

my son has been wearing my favorite long overcoat outside to smoke
"Hey, You are wearing my coat, and making me smell like cigarettes."
Him: Does it really smell?
"Yes,you owe me a coat.
If i wanted to smell like cigarettes I would smoke, but I dont"

It will be a long wait ...I think I'll take the coat to the cleaners tomorrow.

I suppose I need to make my husband happy and do our taxes.

I just dont want to ---

Oh well off I go