sept

i am tired it has been a long and busy day.. i was knitting hshs...i am the slowest knitter on the planet...but Mom enjoyed helping me with my questions and mistakes. I was always the seamstress so to speak much better at sewing than knitting but if this little doll comes out ok i will make some more. havent started reading have just been busy making sure Mom does not walk on her foot. Ive caught her a few times...ugh...typical... guess i should get to bed.

it is so dark down here i wonder if stars are in the sky.

eight years ago

found poem

undate poem When did I write this?


Wonder

Like water waiting to touch the earth
like the earth waiting to drink the water
like roots digging
it is wonder
How does she know?

like the fence sagging longing to be streched
like a wilted flower longing to be pinched
like a puppy waiting for a pat

It is me, now longing,
feel something
energy take me -lead me
like water through a spigot
sucked through a straw
string hoping to be wound
fruit on the bottom waiting to be stirred

pain-full, yet peace-full
peace-full, yet pain-full
fear to leap,
Will I fall
I wait
I long for
and I wonder

How long?

route

yesterday i traveled old and new... old to visit my mom... her leg - the ankle looks pretty good, but there is that one -- 1/2 inch that is still oozing something... I am praying that it heals...please let this happen for my mom's health and well being...

Lil Ricky and I got stuck in a traffic jam rolling 10 mile an hour can be long and tedious, the little one managed ... he played with the two toys...a little man and an airplane I had in the car... and we finally made it, downtown Falmouth was bursting with tourists, so different from the last time I visited.... this is / was labor day weekend... and I felt so sad, no weekend on the cape for me this year, only one trip to the beach arghhh....so frustrating as I love the sand and surf....

on the way to visit his father we got lost and i ended up on route 44... who ever knew it existed...well i did know it existed but i never traveled it before for the hour i was lost....i dont want to live in burbia that is all i know...too creepy for me... lost and no way out....so that was new, but i finally found my way to the Forest and it was beautiful. Lil Ricky loved the roller coaster road and we saw wild turkeys and it was just so wonderful. He got scared as the night came down though.... dark as the woods can be we left with the high beams on and in my mind i thought of all the scary dark movies i love to watch and said to myself...no wonder.. however from the winding road to the roller coaster road Ricky wheeed and whoa'd and the made the ride all the better. He was a happy boy all the way home... and he was glad to get there because he is at an anxious age...worried about his Nana and Papa going away....


I am trying to get Fred to get his passport..when is mine coming ---i am wondering soon i hope...and then we are going on a trip wether he wants to or not ... his friends at work are telling him to wait...they offered the clerks 15 grand... they are saying the supervisors are next... I dont know if he will wait... He is tired... knowing the post office I am sure they are waiting to see how many clerks and mailhandlers take the offer... it isnt that much but it is more than before....twelve years ---how long i have to work and maybe if my health straightens out i will work even longer who knows...if the post office survives... im not working at anything else right now and that is bad bad bad.... i might have my son pull my tarot drawings out of the attic and paint them that would be a project worth doing. soon the fall will draw in...everything will need to be covered and put away... the pool will be closed, the sunbrella table cloth washed and dried..wow that thing really did work... Today --- I will do the yard and work about here...

Our anniversary is coming... cant believe it is 33 years... where did that time go....it just doesnt seem possible...

the only thing on my mind is Mom getting better and she needs a podiatrist

feeling the sorrow

For a time now I've known that I am sensitized to what is known as the collective conscious...and i completely believe in it especially over the last couple of days with the passing of Ted Kennedy. The air is thick here with grief and reminisce. My neighborhood mourns his loss...

People criticize and with every right, however in my life time, and through personal experience, I know that when you called Ted's office they assisted you, he assisted them, and well, I have a few letters myself signed by Ted and I cherish them. I thanked him then, and I thank him now for choosing to be the man he became, and helping so many people like me, or not like me, it doesn't really matter who or what but it matters to me, that for whatever reason he helped, he helped. He was perhaps the Lion in the Senate as the news is tooting him, but he was more the Godfather of Massachusetts in more ways then words.

God Bless Ted. He will be sorely missed. God Bless his family and may they continue to think of others as they do. There is no perfect person, nor perfect family, but living is not about being perfect, living is about learning, giving, laughter, joy, and well for me it is about creativity too... And although I can't be too creative here as my heart is pounding and my eyes are watering and my head just feels like it is in the clouds somewhere, i can't sleep, my legs are restless, and i am warm all over from the feelings of the caring and the grief.

Ted, he had a good life, a full life, he overcame and he was overcome--- he survived and truly, oh so truly, there is no one that I know of that can compare to the action that he instill others to take. There is no one that I know of that taught others --- young people working for him in his office --- how to wield his name. Ted again, thank you.

just stuff

The Di is off to college...wow what a change, the house is quiet and not so crazy, less milk and food being bought and devoured.... but she will return for only a few days before the real deal begins. I am glad she had this experience, certainly she can decide that she might like to live on campus... but let's see how all else goes...she has a hectic schedule ahead of her, `18 credits..and she's going in with 11 almost a complete semester...she'll rate sophomore status before her time... I am sooo happy she is happy. That is what really matters.

I've misplaced some papers and have been in a funk since. I keep praying to find them. Today s--d at work...didnt get out until 1 becasue of all the bs and I have to finish my valentines...not a good time to have my truck driver on hiatus... enough...joined facebook..it can be fun but also time consumming...

having a difficult time on my diet ...need to go back to the gym which i think i will tomorrow... I definitely need exercise and my knee is feeling pretty good after the last shot...\knock on wood...except when i am sleeping ....then my legs just hurt and that sucks. oh well going for a swim enjoying it while i have it. anxious about my drs appt next week...will probably be on edge until them oh well...

The FW project

Well here it is, the hubby working on a project.
We've been on vacation all week, of course it kills me to sit around and I rarely do.... I've been battling a nasty sinus bug but I still keep going. In the spring I tried to convince the Boss that we should purchase patio furniture... and it rained and rained ...time passed...and we didn't... and then a piece of the ole picnic table clunked on the deck one evening.

"I suppose we need a new table," F said.
"You suppose?" I laughed. We had a long discussion about patio furniture.
1. cost... set would run 6 - 800 .... not a great idea with the college bills facing us.... frivolous...
2. storage, it would have to be stored in the basement, Don't we store enough with the pool stuff... or covered, and the covered furniture takes a beating in a bad winter...
3. the picnic table, sensible.... My mother in law bought us two tables before she passed away... we had a lot of company that summer and we needed the two tables. They were on sale for 35 bucks a piece, they were made completely of 2x4's. They were regular wood, I stained them, and then I painted them. One lasted 8 years, and this year, 11 years later the second one is going out....so...
4. Called the Mill Store, an 8 footer--- tooo big.... the hexagon one I really wanted... all sold out or already weathered without a discount and 164 bucks..not bad really.
5. We shopped on line, picnic table schmatics..... found numerous for free...
the easiest, one day plan... the old fashioned table...
prices out at 93 bucks... and a day of work...
6. We agreed this was the most sensible plan.
7. We went to home depot, 93. 58 cents which included purchasing two 3/8 inch drill bits, that we didnt really need, but we put the stuff in my awesome little Honda Accord with the back seat that fold down, and
Here is the final project.
Complete with waterproof stain etc. I love it. Thank you F.

what i have done on vacation....

I have not had much of a vacation... the first few days were spent on the refi of the house to have money to pay for college for d and get our bathroom and basement rehabed... so that is good, but...work...all left to me because hubby doesn't want to know or care... he just wants to retire and this way he can, all our bills will be paid and the new mortgage hopefully it will come through will be paid off in 12 years with the plan...of course i know all things dont always go well but that will be fine, just in time for me to be able to retire. Fred is going to retire in December and well I hope it is every thing he wants it to be, I will be working for another 12 years or at least i hope the post office doesnt go under... arghhh...what a thought. anyway...we shall survive i guess...

so, i finished the front of the house, no rain so i could paint and stain, it really looks so nice out there now, -- i planted a morning glory sunflower circle and the sunflowers are starting to rise --- and the morning glories open up underneath them in the morning, i have to say that is a pretty sight to me.... if i catch one youngin smokin and leaving ash and butts that youngin will be grown a few gray hairs--- what else, we have replaced some of the boards on the deck and will probably replace a few more, fixed the driveway up, bought a shop vac and vac'd the basement, reorg'd my office and the upstairs room which is now a storage room that has belonging of persons who do not live here but leave stuff all the time...oh i painted the downstairs foyer and washed all the wood work... so i have a few projects left, like doing over di's room when she is in school for two weeks, but i dont know if i will be able to do it, im gonna try though...on top of all that my dr made me schedule a preop appt for next tuesday --- so i guess the surgery is inevitable, i am not keen on having my belly cut open with this psoriasis -- so we are going to talk more about it when i see her.looks like ill be getting another couple of weeks off... whooptdo...this vacation has not been much of a vacation but it will be good to have things done the way i want them to be done when i am home recovering from my inners being taken out. ugh... who needs to be carrying around a softball inside of oneself?

vacation and sickness

have acquired a cold that will not let go... started last Saturday, today is Wednesday, going to try to work it out of me. Doing work on the house and have to get Dianna settled. My nerves are shot.

Brain dead

How I could put the coffee maker on and forget to put the carafe in is beyond me? results: coffee all over the counter and floor.... and I didnt even realize it was happenning because I am too busy goofing off on the computer

Fred is 57 today, I just can not believe it. I have to go shopping, pick up the Bub, make his diet coke chocolate cake, I dont know how he is going to like that one, but I will try it.... The decision on dinner is the baked stuffed chicken but I will make the stuffing with whole wheat bread and he will have to tone his serving size a bit, but I think it will surfice.

Went to Foxwoods with Steph yesterday, it was a good day except for my "female problem" that decided to visit... arghh... I have to go to Newton Wellesly at some point today and talk to my dr. But.... maybe I can get away with sometime, I just dont feel right.

Anyway, we did not win any moola, but we had some nice chat for the most part -- but I do hate it when daughters think they know it all and know you sooooo well...lol...grown children teach you how to be more patient then ever.

How, you learn to keep your mouth shut because it just isnt worth it, and then pray they go away at times.

July 29th

Fuuny how looking at old pictures can really zap my memories... all god and wonderful things... and how sad I am about R right noe... I have to stay out of that zone or I just dont know if i can handle that spot...

di and me

Went on the college get ready for trip.... here we are in our usual headshots

ugh

went to the hospital with f today... he is so spoiled and he showed it at the appt. and he said to the nutritionist, you dont look it, talking about age...and i said to him later, you dont think she looks in her 50's and he said, i was just being polite. omg...me are such smoozers...blah!!!

to my kids chargin i joined facebook... it is kinda fun and i can see how people get addicted to it. steph is a riot... and di is mad because she said i bitched at her..."YOu shouldnt be my friend" So i said ok take me out.... i dont know what is happening.... but it is oh well

my car is still broken after f picked it up... depressing to say the least...well i best do laundry or ill have nothing to wear tomorrow. blah blah blah...this is life...boring

pics for June 09

pics to go with previous post....

I miss the old word program to up load pics and text... here are my favorite photos from June, the kids are growing and i remember the days when i was their ages...how significant is that?

pictures of June

I miss being able to upload my word piece to the blogger... Unfortunately I have not spent the time figuring out many parts of this place... for now I will just post my pics here although they go with the post previous. It is July 12th, tomorrow my oldest brother will turn 61. Wow, life just goes by. When I look at him I still see him coming in the door after being away in Vietnam, his blonde mustache not visable in the black and white photos he sent. His gentle relaxed personality, hardworking and willing to do for others, that is my brother.


anyway here are some of my favorite pics from last month.

This past June was perhaps one of the busiest we’ve had in the homestead for a few years. Yes, there have been graduations, birthdays, weddings, and other festivities that we have journeyed to and hosted, but this year, we had a party for The Lady D, who was long ago a lady before the Lady Gaga.
Di or The Doll as her Dad calls her, the youngest of 4, graduated high school and not just any high school,--
BLS high school, which exemplifies the pinnacle of success, --- \
BLS was the first public school in America-- its standards are above the norm; every course is viewed as an advanced class, or honors class, which of course leads to expectations and rewards that are top notch and exceed the average. These students are told from day one that they are the brightest of the bright of Boston, and they are future leaders of the world.
The graduates were reminded at the celebration that a prerequisite to graduation is the giving of service to the community. And with graduation, they are expected to continue to give, volunteer, or work, in the small communities of this city, or in the large community of the world through social, political, scientific, and other types of service. My hope is that they listened and learned and will continue to do as their advisors suggested for there are far too many people in this world who are in need and other who are devoted to only themselves.


This graduation was a great celebration for her and also for her father and me --- although she said so in the planning, “This party isn’t for me, it is for you,” when I rejected fried plantains and salmon she requested on the menu. She did get her macaroni and cheese, colossal grilled shrimp, and everything vegetarian with the exception of meatballs and lunch meats for us carnivores.
She was right though, yes, the party was in celebration of her success, but also in relief ---the baby graduated and is moving onward to better things.

My husband and I grew up in different styles of family. My family, the parents stayed together and worked through hardships, both my parents attended college, and their children were expected to follow suit, go to school better themselves and be independent beings in this world. My mother volunteered, worked, and taught. She is an independent woman who expected and taught her children from the get go ----- you must work to achieve and I expect you to do so.

His family is the opposite of mine, his parents split after years of turmoil and only one brother in a family of 6 graduated high school. He grew up tough but with a sense of integrity that made him the man he is today. A hard worker who understands now the value of an education, but still, rejects the status quo pressures society places on everyone today.

We both believe that Drs and Educators place people in boxes and individuals can break out of those walls, but it isn’t easy to do so…. Those with money get more powerful, those who work hard without luck or spoon often can be overwhelmed by life itself. Living often times gives notices without reason…and believe me, we have gotten our share of those kinds of notices…yet we survive and continue to grow and change as the world is changing.

I don’t know how my parents would have handled lazy children or obstinate older adults such as the world is creating today, and --- I say the world because entitled young adults seem to be everywhere, not just in my family, but numerous families that I know. Young adults expect their parents to help out. These upstarts should not have to ask, nor should they be made to feel guilty if they do so. Parents should willingly make allowance for their adult children and extend their pocket books whenever necessary. College tuitions, cars, car insurance, even cell phone use --- parents are obligated to support these luxuries, because they are necessities … or so it seems. And I must admit, I am guilty of over giving and capitulating to the “entitled.”

But to get on with it. June passed by quickly and a wonderful month it was… and here are the happenings that made it so wonder-full beyond the graduation even though it was the rainiest month on record since 1931 here are the days spent and the wonder of life so good.


This was the top to Lady Di’s Cake, and of course the bottom….


When all was said and done we had a great day and it was wonderful to have so many family member and friends who came to visit. Although it was Father’s Day and I miss my Dad still, I was reminded of him many times, we had two christenings on Father’s Day and my Dad never rejected attending although they were his special day. Also, my son kept saying, Aren’t we going to have manhattans? For which I supplied no booze. I couldn’t be tempted not for that day…. Both my sisters came and my sister in law Syb who is a dear sister to me too. I don’t know where’d I’d be sometimes with out these three wonderful vibrant women in my life. So many times it is just knowing that they are there by the phone to listen of course I have other friends and family but they are my mainstays for sure.

Another best of the day was my wonderful beautiful daughters --- What would I do without them I often think…. Each has her own personality and strengths but they are such beautiful people who wouldn’t be grateful to have them. I am eternally so.
Another best of June was my new walk way in the front of my house built by Mike after a vision or so my husband calls all the ideas that come into my mind and that are made into reality. I just love it. Thank you Mikey.
My mother came to my house for the graduation. She was happy and she said to me, She’d “forgotten how nice it was to be here. “ So that was a compliment to me.





Another little delight was our outing to www.spohrgardens.org-- check it out. A tiny place on Oyster Bay filled that could be called a Secret Garden. I love this picture of the kids, even though my nephew is nearly a teen his goofing around for this picture shows he has a sense of humor and it makes me smile.


I also took another picture of a bell. I love the big bells… perhaps I will go on an excursion to discover more… maybe I’ll just make a collection of them on paper…something to be creative with…and idea that just blossomed.



Bells chime, the phone rings, calling together you and me
Spring and Summer paths do cross Winter wonder and Fall not lost
I long to hear the ringing and singing of the bells tossed
Wind and Wonder, Cast and Caught
Bells twingling, bells sought
Bells for Angels no one is naught

July 9

Working on separating things previously saved. Found little note left to myself...

No Time or 15 Minutes

like seaweed left on the beach once free flowing ever changing as the tide comes in and goes out somehow my roots gave way and here i sit


I do not know what obscure moment of time this took place in or at...it was a thought some time ago I imagine, but i'm writing it down here now because i am throwing this slip of paper way.

June gone by