Babe Visits Humanity, A 9-11 story

Babe Visits Humanity
by Connell Mathews

Once upon a time in the Forest of Destiny there was a fairy named Babe. Babe had golden hair and green eyes and a special gift called heartshine; if you were unhappy and Babe smiled at you, you would feel wonderful, at least for a little while…anyway… Babe lived on a grassy knoll under a willow tree where she hung the treasures she found in the Forest of Destiny.
One day Babe woke up very early in the morning. She had no plans, she didn't feel like going anywhere, but her wings were fluttering. Babe put on her cape and said sternly to her wings, “Calm down, take it easy-- hey what if I sing?” But something was urging her wings to flutter and fly for no matter how she coaxed them to stop they just kept waving, and waving --- lots.
Babe sighed, "Oh, wings leave me be. I don't want to go anywhere, don’t you see."
She shook out her pea pod and left opened the flaps, then tried to lie down to take a nap. But as she did, her wings fluttered, and fluttered, lifting her up, up, up.
Babe moaned, "Stop. Stop wings, don't you see, I just want to relax."
She put on her fairy glasses, they were brown with beige spots and she thought, “Hummm, I wish I were a leopard and didn’t have these wings-- I could rest on my back and have some peace.” “I wonder, I just wonder, indeed,” she said aloud as she tried even harder to make her wings settle down. Just then, there came a strong sunbeam.
She called out to Mr. Sun, "Hey, are you playing with me? Are you the one making my wings wiggle and waggle like a bee’s?"
Mr. Sun beamed back, "I don’t think so, but maybe your wings are trying to tell you something you just can’t see.”
Babe tried to lean back in her pod, ”Is there something amiss in the Forest?”

Mr. Sun looked around, “Nothing I can see, everything seems just right, not a storm, nor a sneeze. But oh no, there I see over the mountains, past the ocean, on the island of Manhattan there’s a big commotion--- It’s the humans, they’re smoking--- there’s a fire, noooo--- they’re having a fight. My oh my, this is not right.”
Babe shouted, “What is it? Can you see?” as she threw off her cape setting her wings free. “I wonder, I wonder if there is anything I can do to help those humans muddle through?”
Mr. Sun looked down at Babe, “Little one, all you can do is pray.”
Babe replied, “I think, I think, I should go see. Maybe there is something I can do to bring peace.”
Mr. Sun called to Babe as she flew with sprite, “Please don’t go, for humans, their days are now dark nights. And if you don’t have a guide, you’ll never come back, and remember that lions roam those mountains in packs.”
But Babe couldn’t stop. Now she had a mission. She packed her fairy satchel and off she flew. Through the meadows, by the king’s palace, through the deep woods, under the waterfall, she flew and she flew letting her wings guide her well, “I don’t understand these humans. Fighting--- it is hell.”
Finally, she reached the Mountains of Seperatis. All she had to do was follow the Running River and cross the Downy Peaks, there she would find the island named Manhattan and all of humanity. But as she flew by the river’s mouth and reached into the Downy Peak, the sky grew gray, smoke made Babe choke and everything seemed to fade. Babe looked for a sign, but there was no Mr. Sun, nor Mr. Moon, the stars were blackened and she felt doomed. If she crossed over the mountains without a sign, Babe might get lost and never ever be able to return to the forest. She shuttered and wondered, “What am I to do? There’s no path, there are no clues.”
Just then, from out of the smoke came a lion. Babe peered at him and all his might. His thick mane glowed with a nice sheen, and he walked around her like a breeze. Babe flew high into the smoke hoping to get away, but it made no difference, his figure stayed.
Babe said, “I am Babe and who are you?” But the lion didn’t reply he just stared in her eyes.
His remained fixed and he suddenly growled, “Where are you going? Don’t you know about the towers?”
Babe stared at him, her eyes to his, “What towers? All I know is that there was a fight, my wings were fluttering all through the night. They have taken me here, and now I’m stuck, worst of all…. alas, I think, I am lost.”
The lion shook his mane, and showed his teeth, “On the island of Manhattan there was a terrible disaster--- men used the machines they created to take life away. The people of the earth are all up in arms, and everyone, everywhere, is afraid.”
Babe cried, tears dripped from her eyes, she could feel the lion’s pain. ”I want to go there, to the land of the humans, to see for myself, to see if there is anything I can do.”
But the lion said, “Don’t you see Babe, you can’t leave. You are not human, you are fantasy.”But Babe said, “I know what I am, but I also know of man. I know that they have dreams. I also know that finding a lost hat or a falling star or a kiss on the cheek or a tear in the eye is like magic to a human heart. And, I can only imagine the human magic that is taking place on Manhattan. I’d like to see it in action, even if it’s just for a minute. Just think, maybe, maybe, after this is over, some magic will linger among mankind so that years from now they will live in peace, without anyone to finger or a human that needs the ringer.”
The lion laughed at Babe’s silly rhyme, “I’ll tell you how to get there, but it will only last a night, for when the human sun rises you must close your eyes. If you don’t, you will fade away. The sun’s rays will become your grave.”
Babe fluttered her wings, and she sat inside his ear. She fell off to sleep where she rode without fear.
It was quite a while when Babe finally awoke. She sat on the rim of a hat, amidst lots and lots of smoke. She fluttered her wings and tried to fly, but they were frozen still. She looked for her fairy satchel to get her poppy stick to ride upon, but they had disappeared. Babe felt doomed. The lion was gone, and there she was, a speck upon a man’s hat, just a bit of dust in the sun.
The man held a briefcase in his arms and wore a beard, and a frown. His eyes were bloodshot and a little bit swollen, his lips were pressed together tight, they were peeling from dryness. Babe leaned over into his sights. But he couldn’t see her. She moved back up and sat on the hat. She wondered if he knew she was there, she wondered if it was just a dream, but her wondered ceased as she saw the devastated faces on the creatures of humanity.
She was in the thick of it, among the firefighters, and police, between the FBI and the scars of tragedy. She saw how gently they lifted soot, and beams, and passed bucket to bucket like leaves falling from trees. She watched as they touched each other’s shoulders, as they passed bottles of water, as they push back their tears and their fears, looking for others. Amazed, she gazed, unable to close her eyes, she watched past midnight and into the light.
Through the watching, she forgot the lion’s warning, but when daylight broke, the hat took flight.
Babe remembered the lion’s words and closed her eyes even though it hurt. When she awoke, she was under her tree, it was midnight in the Forest of Destiny. Mr. Moon looked down upon a dusty Babe and said, “My goodness, you are filthy, you are covered with clay.”
Babe looked up at Mr. Moon. She sat up and bent her knees, “I went to the land of humans today--- it was very unsettling and very strange. Their streets of concrete and tar were cracked, their buildings were bent, crawling on the ground like vines, their sheets of glass were like razors spit and split --- there was more---- The people on the streets wore suits that disappear into soot, and I could look inside them, see their feelings long and short. I could see their hearts, blue--- and strong---weeping and strained but moving on. I could see their eyes red and torn, from fear and longing going on too long. Their minds went white with wavering emotions of anger and pain --- There was so much disbelief, but there was relief --- for among the men and women that took to the streets, there was something between them as they could touch without having to speak. They were like rain, falling, but as they hit they ground they were together, a community out, strong, without struggle, melting, mending going on. It was a gift for me to see humans at their best.”
Babe paused, “I pray that this will be their last test.” Then she looked up at Mr. Moon. His eyes were closed, and he was nodding… me too….

9/22/2001

For no reason

How do you say to someone --- I need to be moving on, I need another job, this one is not good for me, I am stuck here, no hope of a raise, no sick leave, no vacaton time. I only took this job as a favor. It really wasnt my plan to stay forever. Oh Lord give me guidance.

I am not so indignant as I have been in the past. I wonder why? Have I calm my restless thoughts? No. Have I changed anything specifically to give me a sense of peace? No. Has anyone else changed? No. It is more like knowing I can't do anything about the way some things are even though I try.

September is on the door step, my favorite month, the month I married my husband. The month the air is cooler and the nights just long enough, the day just long enough too. September is a good month except now we do have the Memorial Day of present time, 9-11... tragic. I watched the National Geographic Story on 9-11 from before to after effects, I think it was 3 hours of TV, an extremely long time for me, but I was glued. Enchanted by horror, mesmorized by the planning and hatred. 9-11 was the last time I was so inspired, I wrote a Babe story. Perhaps I will go find it and post it. I wonder where that is? I lose so much of my writing it is horrid.
Everything on my laptop is lost. Stay away from Best Buy and for goodness saks... BACK UP! Yosemite Sam would be a great reminder for all who have data dear to them on a computer. I must go find a picture of him too.

Passwords and formidable challenges

The password for today is:
The premise of the password is the secret code that let's you into something, something special, not always a place, it could be a space, it could be a voice journal, or even your vehicle. But the use of the password that was fun for me as a child, inspired by AliBaba and the 40 Thieves, "open sesame," and further propagated in my brain through my virtual memory of the childhood game Relievio, and some faint memory of the Three Stooges, just isn't as fun anymore.

The use of the password has gone from a childhood amusement, to an overused, but necessary chore and a formidable challenge. It is a challenge because there are so many of them to remember in so many areas of living. I presently use, I think, 24 passwords; this will soon be changed.

I've tried to cut some of them out, but my jobs, my credit cards, my banks, my jounals, and some other techno devices, and my brain refuses to let me have the same password all the time.

For example, at my job, where I use one computer I must change my password monthly, no one can use the same password for 4 months, or the computer will inform you that you cannot use that password because you used it previously. It will even tell you where and when you used it. So, I have collected 4 passwords for use on the one computer I use at my first job. But those passwords are for my accessibility, what about the other "secret" passwords I know that I am not supposed to know because they belong to some other employee(s), well I have a collection of them, 8 to be precise. So I have 12 passwords from my first job.

At my second job, where I also use computers, there are passwords too. These passwords are community passwords that everyone who works in the office should know. They never change or rotate, however there are 6 passwords in that office that I need to keep in my password queue.

This brings me to my personal life, where I have over the years acquired numerous passwords. Currently I use 6 passwords for various reasons, forced to change my password because the company is upgrading, forced to change my password because I am not allowed to keep that password any longer ..., I've changed my password because I forgot the password I changed it to when I was originally required to change the password because that password was no long acceptable.

I don't want to change my password, I am tired of having to know all these passwords and what password goes with what. But, I see no solution, only more passwords.
Now what about pin numbers and user names?
Currently, I have 3 distinct personalities and oh yeah one assigned K number!

exhaustion

exhausted from my life, could sleep all day, too much to do, laundry never ending, straightening never ending, kids stuff never ending, work work work. i want to go see the brother's grimm. this i shall. i want to work on my novel and go to exercises... these things i want to do but am to exhausted to do. note: must do the things i am too exhausted to do first. bed time comes early. lyme disease in my joints. it is transient... painfull and coming back again. i can bearly barely which one is it keep my eyeys open.

changing blog design and keeping in a focus

decided to change blog design, the previous one was never aligned correctly, any new post was below everything else, dont have the time to fiddle with those kinds of things, investigating why when i have too many things to do, i am lucky i have quiet to just sit and write for a few. this seems to be working out better than i thought. trying to write every day for a few minutes, just writing out my thoughts where ever they lead me, my eyes keep watering, cold? sad? who knows. we bought a never printer yesterday, one for bus so he could print his labels, the old printer wont feed the label sheets correctly, otherwise it is fine. my laptop is still in the shop, i hate big companies, they lie. when you purchase a protection agreement ...well we believed what the sales man told us, he was a liar according the manager. and i dislike managers and business people who always think they are right, i dislike best buy, they think they are the super power of stores, please.... and what is it about these stores.... let's see...bed and bath and beyond that is a woman's store, yet best buy is a guy's store, female and male stores, why do i care.... it is a mere perception, what about sears what kind of a store is that, it certainly could be a metro sexual store if they upgraded their look.... some of their ads are ma and pa kettle for sure, is that midstream america, who do i think i am anyway liking pottery barn, the store for gay men, and pier one, who shops there? bohemian... Barnes and Nobles, where did that name come from? i have to call the dept. of labor... forgot to do that...and what about the rolling stones tickets..out ragerous... i cant sit in the rafters at the Garden...I am too afraid ill fall... and no way can i afford a ticket for 400 bucks....life goes on.

graduation

found this old picture from around 1992-3 ... that boy in the green sweatshirt graduated today. that boy that i call the f and a kid, it is a joke but not funny, but he is a wonderful son, and person. i'm happy the graduation part is over. now to go on with things.
the youngest in this photo is 14, two have children and one had a child on the way. where does innocence go? does it fade like wallpaper hit by sunlight or even just being hung... does it just one day disappear as the stone you walk by at some place, gone, you dont even know it, or realize it, just a space that was once full is now empty... when you lose your innocence does it hurt, or does losing it hurt you.... or is it like a chocolate bar, when cool it is hard, then warm it softens, too hot it melts, and isnt a chocolate bar anymore but something else, syrup that is gooey to some enjoyed to others just a big mess and worthless just trash. innocence, i wish i had mine back sometimes, it is easier to live when blind and ignorant and without this mind or is that a lie?

cold = watery eyes

hard days for no reason, just not feeling well, have a sinus cold, watery eyes, no energy. the pain in my hips has subsided a bit, had another nasty headache dont know if it was from the lyme disease or my back situation or the fact that my weight is out of control. I am out of control I must face this fact. Tired and have no time for myself without getting up and staying up at dawn, cant wait for things to level off.

tomorrow is a big day, son's h.s. graduation. invited my mom but she is already busy, she was already busy, she knew the date long ago, she could have saved it, but she didn't. i can't be sad because i cant expect her to be here for me, it has never been that way. i feel like she stopped being there long ago, not that she stopped advising me, to me there is a difference between mothering and advising, between parenting and mothering --- it is easy to be a mom, not for all women, there are many women who just shouldnt choose motherhood, there are many parents who are good parents but expect too much from themselves, then there are those who just well ... dont care about being a good or bad parent, they just are. time for reading

morning time

morning, alone no stress only I to get working and I to do for.
It is unusual, and relaxing, this space is my own, but it will not last, far and few between like bricks without mortar life goes on, building and breaking down, lifting and shifting. this is truly good, i like it. shows me how much i need a change. but September is around the corner, perhaps then.

oh i forgot

face painted by daughter. yes i drove around like this. it was wonder full

laughin

It's nearly 8 am. I've done dishes, laundry, and thought about the day. Need to take my shower, wake up my daughter, and just get on with things. Someone read this blog. I thought no one ever read it. That was interesting.
Note: people make assumptions all the time, shared opinions. I know I do... So what does that mean about people ... general statement: no one likes to be alone, human nature compares, why is it competition? is it one teaching another? It is difficult to not be a teacher when you know something.... many of us are teachers without being teachers. why cant or dont I find a teaching job? I think it is fear.... What is fear?
is there a standard? I am not in the box? who is not in the box? is he or she out of the box? what is the box?
why cant it be a ball?
if we think too much we can drive ourselves mad with thought
if we don't think at all others will think we are crazy or selfish or some other label
at this moment I am mad at the world, I want something I will never get without working at it. arghhh and then there is all the other bs that will come because ive made a decision, why cant decisions just be given to us at times,
decisions given to us arent always easy to take, but you adjust. the decisions you have to make and do well those are the most difficult.
i know why my husband is my best friend... because no matter how difficult things are, no matter how upset or frustrated I get, no matter how many curve and spit balls life throws at me, he is always here to say, it's okay, or what did you expect and he reminds me to laugh, he never ignores my pleas or phone calls that I make indiscriminatively since I've acquired a cell phone, and he understands my Mother which is something I've never been able to do.
Random note: I love the Boston Red Sox but I can't even get a ticket to a game. geesh where are those 1.50 bleacher tickets I got when I was a kid?