over the bridge

the world became gray because the clouds would not let the sun in
rain poured upon the earth and the earth clammered go away
its frozen tundra pooled the water and the wind waved
the bridge wrapped in plastic

driving over it
the gray dank world turned opaque white
green girders stetched above and below arms carrying
lifting above
gated,

don't stop -- if you do you will be crushed by moving
metal and rubber and plastic
ships below wait to swollow you
above you the crunching goes on
breath in
reach for the exit,
the ground gray world waits
and welcomes you back again

Frebrewaire

So the world goes round and round, people that pay their bills will continue to pay the rest of the worlds debt -- it is disgusting let's face it, there is nothing fair about what is happening in the world, the stock market deflats every single day, companies are selling off merchandise and do not have the funds to make more, outsourcing has taken jobs away from our own country and kids today cant even find jobs at mickeyd's --- dunkins here and there. so many people i know are working two jobs ....they are burnt out... and i am only burnt out from the one job where my boss is expecting me to do two jobs without saying so....

as it is....

took the Bub to see his Dad, what a sad day, he was happy, but it was weird and it must seem weird to the baby, Who sees someone through glass except grandparents visiting the new baby in the nursery. It just sucked. My son is depressed and he looks it, his tshirt was not iron and it hung off him, his face was not broken out which is good, but it was the same routine. I said, why dont you stay here at least it is clean, but he said no, he needs to get out of there, so i wonder what is really going on behind those locked doors, he doesnt say and that is scary, what is the truth, i will never know, he never tells me.

my daughter drives me nuts, she has less enery then my self, as after we got home she was napping on the sofa while i took care of the kids, i really really need to make a change


my sugar is still out of wack and i am really trying i have classes to go to and also have to get into a rythnm at the gym that should help

so i have it

Since I got sick in Ocotober I've been on a diabetic watch, now here it is, have it diabetes, I would love to be able to say my dr is wrong and went on a witch hunt to make sure i have it, but i can't. My sugar is off and has been for over a year, only this doctor chose to look and research, not ignore what it is, anyway friday to the drs again, and then i guess classes and medication, great. arghhhh

Ground Hog Day was Yesterday

and they didnt even mention it on the news. What is wrong with the world... A little ground hog, hedge hog or well I could be fresh here but I wont...

Ive got to go look up the prediction.

motivation

i have no motivation, and D,was supposed to be here and she left. well i will just go with that it is okay... today i do not need to stretch my self beyond where i am and i could have mindlessly, but i will let her try this and see what happens. all her college apps are in so now we are waiting... time is not so important but if she goes away to college then we will see what happens. oh well...

i am just going to take my shower here and go to work as usual, maybe i will go to the gym after wards

Goodbye January

Goodbye January 2009
I cannot say that this has been a good month,
but then again I can't say it has been a bad month.

I need change signifigant change, I need to get away from my boss who is a complete egomaniac and poor in communication. It is disturbing for me to know, to think what I think and not be able to voice my opinion. I have so many thoughts it is frightful, and it all goes back to the po way of f...n someone and certainly, nice people finish last. that is the fact of it all. I really really do not like having a boss that I cannot communicate with, he is smug and sarcastic, and i am grateful to not have to deal with him on the same level as I dealt with him before, not this person who is taking over my job, well, let me just say this, good luck to her, because that job really really sucks, i am glad i will not be working at hard and earning as much cash, how that doesnt sound like me but in reality that is the way it is going to be. thank you God, this may not seem right but it is the way it is going to be for awhile, i will be glad to be able to try to get away from him too, because who knows how long he is going to be in the position he is in, and i am just sick of it....so this is the ramblin on of my incomprehensible situation but yet a very postal situation. arghhhh i h t p o

me

january 22

Today is like no other day, exhausted from work ...12 hours again, no break in site really, i need a vacation. F is sick pneumonia.... too much.... and i have a zillion things to do besides... i hope today will be a better day. that's all

A prayer

I pray with tears held back by my jaw.


joy, relief, hope
today brings a new beginning,
everyone in this world can belong
get along.... better ....

I pray that thoughtful leadership breaks
the jail of prejudice and creates bonds
acceptance, hand and hand,
everyone hold on.

I pray that a child who is innocent
can face a future when the time for
understanding comes
a future that is less selfish
and more cooperative to get things done.

I pray that you and I
and he and she
and they come together with the goal
that we are one nation, one world, one mankind
with the ability to laugh, love and cry.

test

http://www.rainbowvideoandphoto.com/21088_7263.asp

avoiding going to work

this morning I wonder where the weekend went, well yes, i worked Saturday so that was 1/2 of it, and i have so much work to do at work I am avoiding it at all costs. It is just too crazy to continue but I will... back to the grind where I really dont want to be I would rather be home with the fam....but I am going in now to see what I can get accomplished which probably is not much.

Just a jaunt

This Thanksgiving I had a wonderful overnight trip to New York City with my grandson, and my husband ----in tow --- I say my husband was in tow because he never traveled to NYC with us before, and Johnny and I, when we get to the city, we spark, we awaken, we perk.

It was the middle of the afternoon by the time we checked into our hotel room. We had dinner, then it was after 6. My husband was tired, he wanted his constitutional nap.

Johnny was excited and unable to rest -- as was I. We put on our walking faces and went to Rockerfeller Center first.... we visited the ice rink, Prometheus, the Nintendo store. Johnny remembered it being there last year --- Then we took our usual jaunt down 5th avenue. By the time we could see Central Park it was very dark, and the air had a chill, but we stuck together and stopped to gaze at window displays in Bergdorf and Goodman.

Ever since I've been visiting NYC -- these are the windows that entice, pique, and satisfy something in me beyond the material or any holiday wrapping, these windows cling to me as a spiritual gift --- satisfying something in side my heart and mind....

and this night I saw my mother's eye, Can you see it? My mother make cakes and she made them before I can even remember...and this window...posted before --- cakes rich with decorator's frosting is her style,and although she couldnt be with us on this trip, I saw her and will always see her when I look at this...

After our 15 block walk, Johnny begged, can't we take a ride Grammy -- You see- in one of those bicycle taxis... and I said, Johnny, let's see what it cost?

A young man called to us, Hey do you want a ride? His accent was foreign what nation I do not know, not Spanish but Mediterranean? and we said how much, 20 bucks he said, Where are you going? 44th and 6th. We climbed in...

He rode with abandon down 5th Avenue, Johnny yelled and called out with joy! Woah Wow, ahha and The taxi driver pedaled faster swerving in an out between cars. I held onto the side -- whoosh whoosh we rode.... Johnny and I grinned foolishly at each other when we came to a red light but didn't stop fully, the driver pedaled backwards... and forwards and off again we went with the flow of yellow taxis and Christmas lights glittering in our eyes.

The best ride for one of our best walks. When we got back to the hotel, Papa was awake and ready to go out to Times Square, he'd never been there before, and even though it was crowded, he willingly walked up to the Hersey's store where he bought the freshest GoodNPlenty on Earth...as we usually do... only this time, he was there. And he even liked it. What more to be Thankful for? The Parade, and oh it was just as good as seeing it on tv, only Better coz it was a perfect day in November.

wonderous life

dream fulfilled

college trip weeknd

here we go--

same ole me

it is weeks since i have written, stress brings me here more often than not... i am insecure and perhaps it is showing. i guess i need to let this go and have a vacation. selivie.

needles needless

for a couple of months ive told my boss that i need help... so now someone is coming in, but i am a bit perturbed. i dont want to lose my job, maybe i just need to move on from my job, and that would be fine with me. i dislike the bs that is happening and i need to talk to my boss... two new 204 b's and it is just ridiculous.

october19th

Watching the soxs my stomach churns up and down, i clean a little here and there unable to sit still, fred dips from station to station flipping back and forth driving me mad.... work is still tough --- too much to do and just too many employees who cant see the writing on the wall... not worth it

today the house was full... kids running in and out, small and tall, i felt myself smiling as i made brunch for us all... this is true happiness in choas... the children are just happy....no worries not a care not a woe... the bub had to leave early... i brought him to his bath, no i dont want to go, i want to stay here... i dont like... it was hard to let him go, but i know he would have fun where he was going.... his father calls, less crazy then he has been and that felt right ---


the family has been feeling sad... sad for ricky who is away from us and we cant even touch him if we went to see him. it doesnt feel right.. it feels ugly and i hate the system for what it is....this is punishment...and what the gf is doing is too... there is nothing we can do but try to support him...and st says it is our fault..you said people fall in love and stay together, but people dont. and it is true today, love is not a perfect science, love is not always something good, love can be sadness and forgiveness unfulfilled, love you may love a person but that doesnt mean you should marry that person, what makes a perfect marriage> the ability to give and recieve when what where and how whatever it is is needed... how tragic a description is that for love.

sept 24

i will be getting some help at my job...that will be a blessing, i need to be able to have a life.

tomorrow is our anniversary ... i am trying to think of a gift for Fred who never says that he wants anything.... well except for cigarettes yek...

anyway
time tumbles on... it is already wednesday and i have to make out the schedule. the clerks think that the new hours do not start until october, but they need to start now to come into effect. ill still have to eat 80 hours but so be it, it will free up another 80... and Chelsea needs somebody.


my life is all incompassed by my job right now, i would prefer to not have it so rich and to go into other facets. ive been working my butt off... oh well..so be it. i've put in for vacation around thanksgiving...i dont want to lose it.... no i dont.

still over not

climb over the knotted hill
it is easy but down is not so nice
mis footings tumbles bumps
bruised, how did I end up on such a path

leap jump how I wish it were just that
easy... but i am going to look

why not

what day is it?

Sept 18th, time is running me, my day is full before it starts.... i have so much laundry to do i need a maid. help is what i need overwhelemed at worka and home. yes, and the postal service is using my man Einstein on its employee theft program... hummmm what would he say about that.

oh well another day awaits.

a topical paradise lush ferns beach the beach salt air sand... i oculd use a little of that