clinched

Oh my heart is a pounding! Will i win in the lottery? please

apple cart

one symbol used in the wrong space can upset the entire apple cart...
so i would say that is me...
death has come to the imc and i am back in my old haunt...
i dont know how long i am staying there...
oh well...
of course they ask, isnt he going to be here for monday
probably not ....but...i feel like saying would you be here if your father died...
anyway...life goes on
there must be an alternative to working this hard.

My Soxs

Red now
in my youth, there was only gray and white and blue sox's to wear,
but with the Red, we shout I dare, I will, Come and get me, and I'll see you through... Believe in us, we believe in you. For long ago a dream that was true, is still that dream filled with God Bless You. too...

It comes like a sneeze, a cathchew cauchew.... the memory, the angst, the wonder, the news....

I watched Yaz and Scott, and Tony C
I watched too, when Buckner bent his knees---
I long ago swooned at Lonberg and though Reggie was cool, and then Nomar and the rest of that crew.... long ago...I sat in the bleachers for less than a duece. I stood by the fence near Landsdowne Street and kissed many a summer goodbye in the heat.

I've watched as September became boring beyound belief, no Red Soxs playing, who cares, the rest stink...

But this year, this team, yes this TEAM -- This ONE -- has had glory and honor, and struggles and grief, it has seasoned players and new kids on the block and sometimes they all stink...but for the most part...it has been a season of bliss....lets keep it going on guys....lets give everyone else the hip!... This year these boys, yes boys i must say, remember the fun in the game,

Let's go!!! Lester and Pap, and oh ho, hummm Big Pappi, let's go Ellsbury, Pedroia, Lowell and Youki ---Mike Lowell, and Coco, and let's not forget Manny, let's go Varitek, and J D too let's go Red Soxs GO RED dont be blue!!!! to be continued....: )

is it ?

it is past my bed time, i ve not slept ...legs keeping me awake, i stretched out for hours it seems...didnt make it to dds school just could not do the walking as still recovering from the horrid flu..... spent two days in my old haunt and think i will return to Eb tomorrow ...i do not know what is happening...one day at a time. will be off sun thru tuesday a little vacation well needed... tomorrow i will be exhausted from no slept although i tried to catch it sometimes


sleep it is a he or a she
it is a star or the moon
is it a firefly or a mosquito
is it a lightbulb or a hue
sleep what are you>

sleep the city cover by fog sleeps no lights gray shadows tall building looming over smaller one like monsters and robots ready to leap cool gray water touched the thick cotton sky and i watch to see lights flicker on and off off and on on and off boats sail moored shrink wrapped presents docked upon the shore no ribbons but bows and my skin feels the salt air and my tongue thirst for refreshment ---- water but not from the mist or the ocean a cool clean river to walk upon yes and drink from it anew refresh

sleep are you?

plans

hub wants me to take next tuesday off... silly if i do not get monday off too... i will ask...i should not have delayed but... i will try---.it is our anniversary... i asked. what are we going to do? and he didnt say much... I wonder if he has a plan? something i should never wonder.

i went crazy last night and had all my hair chopped off... now to get the color straightened out that would be good. the bug is lingering in me...arghhhh....

change

the once tepid morning is now cool,
need of robe, hot shower
dry hair, with warmth in mind
heater on in auto
mobile, noble wind, earth, sea,
what chilly news will you bring?

given

it is 8:35 --- my eyes are barely open... chills...leg pains.... home from work which is a never... but here i am sick .... and i wish i wasnt...home is okay at least there is hope i might get better.

not picked....

not chosen, and not complaining... it would have been a two week trial i think ...or longer a murder trial... something i do not regret getting challenge for..... it was nice to get home early and just enjoy my life a little, make dinner, make a few phone calls, wow there is life out there besides work.i have three bags of baseball peanuts in my office....just the small ones.... i wonder what the shelf life is considering that i have had them here since june hummm..september ...12th almost half way through....i need to go shopping for the bub...who will be 2 wow--- and johnny will turn 9 even scarier...

let me get through the next few days as work is going to be an uproar

ceiling

the fan swirls above me as i sit half covered by a towel although the air is cool i am drying before dressing not in a hurry tomorrow the government the people's choice will take me for a few hours maybe maybe more i wouldnt mind being sequestered at this moment perhaps my idealism of the entire mystic would change if it would to be true, but i look forward to this little time to serve in the judicial system and the truth be known, i dont have to go to work. It isnt that i do not like my job, it is that right now --- i dread working with someone who really is quite harsh and i cannot get a sense of who this person is--- as if there is something else there... and then there is this other man twerp who is just so rude to me at times i feel like telling him to go ---- well i wont say it...is it i that cant stand her or is it she that cant stand me... what her truth is is beyond me. i think she is a liar. maybe i am wrong ....however we shall see

still exhausted...

i am exhausted today... still... came home and slept but not peacefully everyone was waking me up... read this, can you find this? I need a vacation... again...i do pray for a better day today.

more work and not working out

somehow my plan to join the bac hasnt worked out... i am too friggen tired...last night i didnt get home til 8, i spent the time with dd doing her hair and getting her ready for the 1st day of school. i watched a movie with her, but then i ...i... had to go to bed, i forgot that i woke up at like 3 something am...no wonder i was exhausted...and now i am still exhausted but off to work...and she will be off to school with her day dropping her at the t.... junior girl...i remember my junior year as one of my best.... go di go ...

sleep

somehow between the rush at work yesterday, and dinner, and the last quiet moment i remember feeling the softness of my husband's face... i feel asleep only to wake before the alarm, 3:30 am. wow! I was exhausted when I got home yesterday, but i guess i didnt realize how tired. I wish I felt this way every day when I wake, just enough sleep.... and relaxed as i dont have work for two and so so hours. ive had a headache for days, and this sleep... helped--but work sucked yesterday, it just really did.

half tellers

once someone said to me, only show half your ass, or in other words never tell the entire truth, or story or what ever it maybe, this way you can cya, or cover your ass, or leave a door or window open or something like that....but throughout my life, i have never been a cyar... I can be brutally honest, and even more so, say things at the wrong time, and then again, i am anot keep my mouth shutter..or nkmsr. now... what is the point of all this? if you cant tell the entire truth than why bother to tell anything at all> If you tell the story so changed around and embellished from the facts then it is fiction even if it is truth to you -- yes it is still fiction.... There are many truths, how many times must i remind my self of that.... but.... i have met so many liars who tell untruths for so many various reasons.... it would be nice to run into honesty someday.... it just really would be and then i would be faced with an almost vision of myself except when i am practicing the art of being a half teller, cyar, or even a kmar... or even a nkmsr -- git... what is that again?

tired before i begin

went to bed early and woke a t 1 am... now i am up for work and Mikey is just coming in... college age and only in the collage of life..yes deliberate typeo ...yes i make many... i am exhausted and now have to go to the grind --- arghh why think of them...f has three days off... i will get 2...yahoo... holding my own thinking... fearful of the month that are going to follow

one day left

I count down the days, well the last few days waiting for August to end and September to come in... What am I waiting for I wonder as the 6th will change the quiet of the last few weeks with the D going back to school...and then Halloween will be upon us, and Thanksgiving and Christmas all over again...

I will turn 50 in between all that and my dream was to take a cruise to some place hot without any kids to harrass me, but i dont see that happening with all the has happened this year...so again it will be postponed to something else. I am going to look into last minute trips, but our passport or rather lack of them even though i filled our the forms a year ago...well they still haven't been done...arghhhh... this weekend will be a good time to get them together....everyone has all kinds of plans...i just plan on staying home and enjoying my time off...least i forget the shopping trip with the d...oh well there goes my pocket book.

August 29th

Labor day weekend is coming... it is going to be some time in work, no one has been in.... those that do come in work like dogs...it sucks.... but we continue on.

S says she has a new puppy, i couldnt deal with one....i forgot to ask if yk took sugar to the new house.... I need to get into focus to take care of myself... so much work...oh well... September is my favorite month....wow...

Bubbins goes to the Beach

I went to the big beach with Grammy. The beach is not a pool. The beach is the ocean and the water is very salty. VBlahhh.

Grammy said, "The beach has waves." I waved to it a few times, but it kept waving and waving and waving. I guess the beach never stops waving.

The beach I go to has very soft sand and a sand bar. That means that the water is not too deep most of the time for little ones like me.

But today there was a lot of seaweed along the shoreline. There was brown seaweed with little bulbs on it. There was skinny grassy strappy type seaweed and there was also big leafy green seaweed. Grammy said there are all kinds of seaweed. She said some people eat seaweed. "Ick" is what I say about seaweed. It tried to get me a few times but I pulled it off of my little feet. By the time I left the beach I was no longer afraid of seaweed, but it is still "ICKKKKKKY."

When I was swimming in the water with Grammy, I saw something scary. It had two arms that went up and down in the water, it had a squished face with one big square eye, and it had a tube that stuck out of the water as it moved its arms. I was scared at first and held Grammy tight, but Grammy told me not to worry, that it was a person snorggling. I watched as the snorkler swam this way and that way. Soon I was saying hello, but he didn't hear me.

I also saw a buoy in the water when I was swimming. It was white and red and blue. It bobbed up and own in the water. The buoy tells boats they cannot come any closer. It also tells people they cannot go past it. The lifeguard always blew his whistle and waved his arms at anyone who went out to the buoy.

At the beach there was a little boy from France. I know this because Grammy said his parents spoke French. I said hi but the boy didn't understand me. We had the same shaped pail and shovel but they were different colors. I had a purple shovel and he had a purple pail. I had a blue pail and and he had a green shovel. We both made sand castles with our pails and shovels. I stepped on all of mine. He left his standing.

Grammy and I walked along the edge of the water where the waves come into the sand. We were looking for seaglass. I found no seaglass, and Grammy found only one piece on the entire beach. It was brown and looked like a seahorse. I found lots and lots of rocks, little rocks and big rocks, gray and white rocks, black rocks and brown rocks and marble type rocks. I found so many rocks that I could not bring them home. I left them in a pile for someone else to play with.

I played, ready, on your Market, get set, and go, at the beach. I ran from the big rock wall to the blanket over and over again. Grammy said most of the time you cannot run at the beach because it is too crowded, but it was okay today because the beach was not crowded. Grammy even let me jump on the blanket. It was great.

In the water at the beach there were boats, motor boats and sailboats. The motor boats made funny noises and lots of waves. The sailboats just floated along.

Above the water I saw two planes carrying big giant flags. One was about lemonade and the other was about sharks. I did not understand them at all.

After awhile it started to sprinkle, Grammy said we had to leave before it poured. I don't know why as we were getting wet anyway.

I love the beach. It is the ocean.

for Little R. 8/26, 2007

lament

the night once a deep blue sea has turned like a black crayon covered by film, watched and waxed, fine filtered fog finds the morning
wet dripping in gauze, the sun is hiding, the moon is too
leaves once soft and supple are tough and aged their lives cut
too short soon they will turn and fall jumble tumble
they will be raked and bagged and burned and buried and jumped into
not necessarily in any order the little shelters built only for a month will be
crushed and regenerated into the land building soil and garden and hutch
like a movie set and just as expensive because after they fall they are useless

The Bubs FIrst Adventure

Sunday, Grammy came to pick me up. Just Grammy, no Papa, because we were going to the cape to visit my greater Grammy, Great Grammy.

I fussed a little bit about half way down, but then Grammy and I began to sing songs. We sang The Three Little Fishes, and Willoby Wolloby, and my very favorite of all Bingo. I love that clapping.

Just as we were almost at Great Grammy's, the Papa car had a problem. The brakes stopped working. Grammy drove slow, and then we almost rode into the house, just kidding. We made it okay. But, we didn't get to go the the little beach because Grammy had to get the car fixed and find a way back home.

I played with Great Grammy in the back yard. We played three ball, and one big ball, we played with rocks, and best of all we read my picture book. I counted all the fishes, and told Great Grammy all my colors. After a while we went into the house because the sqeetos were coming out and we don't want to catch EEE.

Grammy had to get a tow truck. She was on the phone off and on. I played with Great Uncle Jim's little chair, and Grammy's little chair. They are both over 45 years old. Grammy's is a rocker. Great Uncle Jimmy's has no rockers because he rocked them off when he was my age. That is what I heard.

We waited for the tow truck. I played the piano. Grammy told me,"One finger, One finger." So that is what I did. Plick, plunk, tink, wink, plick, plunk, but every once in a while I've have to let those keys have allllmy little fingers and, "Whump" or "Tinkleingunk" would come from the piano.

The big tow truck arrived. I watched the man load Papa's car onto the ramp truck.
"Bye," I said to Papa's car as he went away.

Great Grammy drove Grammy and I to the bus stop. I fell asleep until it was time to get onto the bus.
Grammy picked me up, I saw all the people, I was so tired they looked like a bunch of monsters on the bus. And it was FULL - Full of Monsters! I was so scared I started to scream and cry. All the monsters on the bus looked at me. They had mean faces. Grammy held me tight so I would not be scared. I closed my eyes and slept on Grammy the entire way home.

When I woke up at the bus station all the monsters were gone. They turned into people again. I was happy.

That was my first bus ride, and what a ride it was.

Little R The Bubbins August 19, 2007

morning

seeking quiet --- everyone is up.... i am still tired as i stayed up way too late -- the Cake is so thoughtful of Pugsly... now if he would just stop lifting his leg.....

I cannot believe it is August 18th..it seems near impossible, Dianna will be back in school in three weeks... and I who was going to do something about taking a class has yet to do so... God it will be tough I havent been in school for over 5 years.... Is that Possible? I have to decide what I am going to do... now... wow...

I will have the Bub tomorrow and drive his mother back home ...I will see how that goes.
It is fully how G and I get along... omg.