Monday

well, my hopes are again dashed as it was told to me that the son was here today, humm, who does he think he is? my son, our son, --- all ways welcome, not now, but he knew when to drop in, not a car in the drive... of course... he is alive, I thank the Hand for that. However, it doesn't help to know that he is not on the right path, at least I don't believe he is, and I refuse to accept what he is doing as his right path. How righteous am I? I can be if need be and at this moment I am very.

Have to go to the store, the game has my stress up... how ridiculous, but true. why do I even like sports: they are like life --- you dont know when your good game is on til your playing it

Salem, MA

Although we've lived in Mass forever for years we never visited Salem during the Halloween season although the history is there --- Last year my sil and I and some of the kids, who are not really kids anymore took the train out of North Station and walked the streets of Salem for hours. There was a bike run among other festivities taking place, and we had a blast, so we went this year again....

It was quieter without my grandson Johnny, whom I missed dearly because of his innocence, but he really wasnt interested in going, too scary grammy he said... but it was a nice windy day, lots of costumes were abound and the spirits were good.... so we went not for a long day, but a nice day.... and i wish i had more of them....

what really bugged me out however was my oldest daughter blew me off, she never answered her phone... then my youngest said to me, she said r is going to die. so that was something i didnt need to hear, or to have to ponder, as what is it about older females in families, they think it is their right to tell youngers stuff the teller thinks the listener needs to know. Some times it sucks having older and younger children, the olders ones have some type of authority vision that exists if only in their own minds, the younger ones think ''''' things are kept from them""""" well.... what ever it is the oldest one just pissed me off to no end today, and of course when i talked to her she has a different story all together, and i didnt mention the burden she dumped on her sister's brain, because she thinks it is her right to tell her what she thinks and feels regardless of what i think is appropriate. arghhh .... im ready to snap!!... halloween is two days away, tomorrow the treadmill goes into the old tv room, and the plan is in place to take off some of this weight i seem to just keep gaining ... too much stress doesnt help. Help would be wonderful ... i found a great magnet quote... dwell in the possibility... i am dwelling in the possibility that my son has come to his senses and locked him self away. even though i dont know if that is true. amen i say amen.

the way things are

i am not doing well at all, as a matter of fact i am falling apart ...holes no seams to resew. there seems to be no end to this.

exhaustion

Very tired this week, not fulfilling the needs of the house, I need a maid. R has gone away, all I an do is pray. M is still job hunting. Dianna is taking her psats today... There was a college fair at her school the other day. As she is only a sophomore, I wanted to let her look alone. I picked her up --- she was excited, showing me this and that. She picked out Columbia, I think she would be a good fit there, but she said she is interested in Bowdoin in Me. I will have to take a look. I had a hard time to keep from crying. I am happy she is planning, the others never wanted to. on top of all this one of her favorite teachers died of cancer yesterday ---- she got the news and wrote a beautiful tribute. She wants to go to the funeral Monday....
Monday my mom goes to the drs to find out about her heart. Tues. my sister has surgery, and my daughter has an ultrasound to find out about the lump in her breast. It is all overwhelming.

I wish science and medicine was further evolved... I wonder if it will ever become like on startrek.... humm --- it would be wonderful

another lost blog

i really must use word.

babies and babies

Johnny turned 8, he is no longer a baby.
My baby Dianna has acquired a baby, a kitten named Nina.
And the baby, Baby R, well he is growing quite large! What a boy! baby.

slippage

Slippage


he said, "it's not like the last time."
but I knew, and watched, and waited,
the hysteria inside let bees out occasionally
the stingers didn't stay in long enough to
cause an infection, just sharp pains
quick jabs in the gut
nausea begetting headaches begetting tears
don't fall because I can't pick you up
you are too slippery like a fish in the bath
wiggle wiggle wiggling through my veins.