vacation really?

yesterday after an extremely strange day at the office, my vacation began. i dropped off the rental and took the train home. The transfer from blue to orange to red seemed exceedingly long and it was, as I missed one train, then they had two braintree trains, and the heat in the tunnels made everything smell and i thought, how i really wouldnt want to live in heat all the time.

F and i went to get "my car" and of course, I wasnt happy. The door was not fixed as it was supposed to be, the air conditioning isnt working right, and really, the car is a fine car for my son, but not for me, and that is how I feel. I am tired of having things that are second class. I am just going to surprise F and save the money and buy my own car. I think it is about time, so that is my plan for that.

I fell asleep early because r and h had another horrid fight, and i just cant take it. I am not used to it, it is makes me sick to my stomach. F and I woke up in the middle of the night and it was nice to have the quiet and the time to just chat. He had to go to work, so he teased me as he was leaving how he will be exhausted all day, but at least We had some time together.

Today I am heading to my mom's. I dont know when I will get there, and I might be traveling back tomorrow, I really dont know as of yet. But i will try to get some sun as the dr recommended especially on my legs and hopefully I wont be so bad on vacation, but then again, I dont think I will care. I need to do what I need to do to get better.

My house is a tumble of stuff. Every child'f mine has stuff. in the hallway, in my upstairs hallway, in my office, in the basement, in the back yard. it is ridiculous. they are going to have to do something about all their stuff that is all i can say, because i am tired of looking at it!

last night f was teasing me, he was licking the back of my neck, i said to him, stop you are annoying me, he said, but i am kissing you, and i said, no you are licking me, and it feels yucky... kissing has more pressure and sucking... and he laughed, and so did i.

of the utmost importance is the fact that i cannot find my bill pay notebook... it is freaking me out. I must take my laptop to best buy and have the shift key fixed ... i like my office but it is much more user friendly to be on my computer downstairs...especially when bill paying, as it is such a horrid task.... back into the groove.