december

December ---

deceased one Uncle Junior
name in paper
no phone call
just the living listed
no one from the past, those already in the grave, not mentioned...
yet remembered...
those living remember, and remembered, and called....
yet the wonderment goes on --
how or why did this happen.

we will go to the wake for remembrance, one cannot change the past
only learn from it...

i learned alot from my mil.... some of what i do not want to be, and also some what i would like to be....

so far this month has completely filled all negative space with something dark and the unknown -- tears.... lots of them --- i wait for Christmas to come and go.... be gone I think, not that it isnt a good time when it gets here, but the angst before it is a killer...and the people around me --- at work, at home, and elsewhere, the tension of dealing with just day to day stuff.... and then the holidays... wow... what a storm.....