sept 24

i will be getting some help at my job...that will be a blessing, i need to be able to have a life.

tomorrow is our anniversary ... i am trying to think of a gift for Fred who never says that he wants anything.... well except for cigarettes yek...

anyway
time tumbles on... it is already wednesday and i have to make out the schedule. the clerks think that the new hours do not start until october, but they need to start now to come into effect. ill still have to eat 80 hours but so be it, it will free up another 80... and Chelsea needs somebody.


my life is all incompassed by my job right now, i would prefer to not have it so rich and to go into other facets. ive been working my butt off... oh well..so be it. i've put in for vacation around thanksgiving...i dont want to lose it.... no i dont.

still over not

climb over the knotted hill
it is easy but down is not so nice
mis footings tumbles bumps
bruised, how did I end up on such a path

leap jump how I wish it were just that
easy... but i am going to look

why not

what day is it?

Sept 18th, time is running me, my day is full before it starts.... i have so much laundry to do i need a maid. help is what i need overwhelemed at worka and home. yes, and the postal service is using my man Einstein on its employee theft program... hummmm what would he say about that.

oh well another day awaits.

a topical paradise lush ferns beach the beach salt air sand... i oculd use a little of that

exhausted

noise makes me cringe, my eyes slope
my head pounds easily at any noise
i want to crawl back into bed and feel the covers
comfort me, as nice blankets do comfort
just as a man's hug or being held when so
worn down from the day night or just so
overwhelmed with work

i want to say, i need a day off... as i do

tomorrow tomorrow... what will come will be

didnt get home til after 9 from the Bubs party. He is just a sweet boy, not a whine, not a cry. He really is an angel.

The way he plays and he is just so happy... it is great.

I didnt buy him much he has so much stuff but I did get him some Wonder Pet cd's as he loves the Wonder Pets... the Wonder Pets save the Beatles I wonder what that is about, and Nursery Rhymes too... but I brought some nice balloons and it was a great party, even though I was late. Thank God, Bus was there on time with Johnny, my job is just too much sometimes.

The Bub turns three

Today the Bubbins as we call him is three. He is truly growing to be a boy of strength and wit. Last evening before returning to his Nana and Momma he was very intent as he sat upon my bed telling the story of the Three Little Pigs, now the first pig, he said, built a house of sticks, and the wolf said, I'll huff and puff and blow your house down, and then a bunch of gibberish and the wolf said again, ill huff and puff and blow the house down, and he did!! So I said to the Bub, what was the first house made of? Twigs he said, and what was the second house made of? Sticks, and the third? Bricks, and the wolf could blow that house down.

His mother has returned home and he loves her, but he still wants his Nana all the time, yet when they were in my bed, the two grandchildren telling their version of stories... it was calm and quiet and relaxing... that is what story telling is... peaceful

on the other side of the mountain however is my job which is so stressfilled at this time I can only hope it gets better.

arghhh

who to vote for

I am disgusted at the democratic party. I am disgusted at men. Hillary should have been president. I would rather vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin.

My husband however perks up at Palin. He thinks she is cute. I can tell. It is like in the morning before work, if I am in dressed in one of my suits...wow.... the just "you look good" and the eyes.

To some men a woman in a suit with her hair up is just an invitation to loosen her up. a challenge hahaha

anyway... She certainly is a representation of alot of working American women with children building careers. The choices arent easy and they require a mate to do it or a lot of money for childcare assistance. But it is a very real deal.

the fall comiing in

goals
to get organized again, somehow my office at home and work... disasters
to get back to the gym -- my car is fixed supposedly...
to not worry so much that my insides feel like they are grinding
to breath deep before i speak
to have a real vacation some place warm and sunny with a beach

no glasses

it is a different world when you wear glasses and then you opt to go without, especially when writing and not using spell check. I laugh at my mistakes. oh well. I should fix them but I havent...it is my blog and if i want to be lazy or messy or however i think i shall be...especially since ive moved my office and i have the biggest disaster going... it is going to take the next week to straighten all things out. 15 days til our anniversary...what shall we do...hummmm

September is up

Ir is September 9th, wow, Johnny and Steph are still here with us. The family is a large family again. We have dinner at the dining room table, and many discussions I dont really want to have, we just have them because this family has so many things to discuss. Dinner is A one Act play most of the time, sometimes II.

The Dinner
Act I
Scene I

Sone one sets the table or
I put the food on the table and we do help yourself

Where are the napkins? Use your napkin.

If you dont have napkins in the holder someone better
get them or Ma will freak,

no napkins no dinner.

I dont freak

Oh yes you do,

you have your particular way of saying--
Dinner will not continue without napkins on the table.

So be it, what is wrong with napkins?

Nothing.

(Contented )everyone has his or her napkin... dinner resumes

Dad cant cook on the grill
He burns everything

Well that grill cooks fast

Yeah, you try it

Even I burned the burgers today

Who wants salad

I had some

Where is the butter

Oh D will you get the butter/

Any thing else?

Where are the paper plates?

In the pantry.

Don't you have anything else?

What did you cook for me?

Nothing Special?

We are not the vegatarian: I dont know what you wanted:

I am not cooking special
food for you.

I work too many hours.

He is going to do this

She is going to do that.

The car is broken down. AGAIN

Let's not talk about Ma's car.


Did you see this movie.
Did you see her this morning.
And who bore the brunt of her wrath.
The Cake.

Oh he shakes his head, Yup,( he twirls his finger beside his temple)
She was psycho, I mean psycho....

SHHHH dont let her see you doing that. She is your mother you know.


Close curtain.


There is alot here going on. Sometimes it is too much, but I still smile even if it makes me nuts.

end of the what summer

This weekend came and went but not without thunder as I again seems to just not be able to keep my mouth shut when I should know it is futile, my entire life with my mother seems futile when it comes to explaining my take on certain behavior that is unnecessary. I dont need to be around someone who is critical of me and not just me, all in the world who made the decision to have children. I dont want to hear it, it is old and oppressive and just plain inappropriate if said around kids. However as our family makes peace... it is ignored just like the millions of other things that have happened through out time... ignore it, oh i am, but the next time i visit and this person starts ... i am going to say, why dont you go have therapy for this adversion of yours because i dont know if you are ever going to get over the decision that YOU decided not to have children. that might just be caustic enough, or maybe i should say to someone, i dont want to deal with you when you are fn drinking, just as you said, you dont want to deal with fn kids. what could have been a wonderful day and actually was a wonderful day in many ways, has been soured by my own inability to just say...why do you care...and it is not that i do care so much because they dont have anything to do with my life for the most part but i would like to just enjoy being at my mother's without all the pretentious bs they fling.

on the other hand my grandson had a great time with my other brother who generously took him quohogging after the temper tantrum by the 40 plus year old. Such a difference in men, of course one stands his ground, I think he must have to. The other, he must have whip marks we just cant see.