Mom

My Mother's 80th had come and gone, in a hoopla, and hooray it was a wonderful day, the crowd appeared and dispersed -- it is so funny we are so closely related... I have two grandsons, my brother had two grandsons... my mother 4 great grandsons and 14 grandchildren and one angel in heaven, so that is 18 people on this planet... wow, how amazing life is.

work is coming along... my boss asked me if i wanted to stay in So so ville for a month...I blatantly said, you want to be rid of me, you think i suck...i really need to know if that is the case..he said no...and told me why he brought me... the bottom line was i said i would do whatever he wanted me to do, but to wait until after Saturday to make the decision as they dynamic will soon change. He agreed. whoa... did i say that? it is a lot less stressful -- but .... who knows..i will take things as they come.

removed

removed from the old and in with the new
removed from what i feel
removed from the space that could be
removed about the remiss
removed as in moved again, and again and again
removed as in rubbed out, it wont happen, it will happen
removed as in let me stand back and see what is the truth
removed as in truth is not always just
removed void the context of what was and what will be
removed replaced reestablished redefine reentry
of what

ole' Fireball

Tonight I look out into the yard
and it is vacant of the old soldier that
once owned it.

Pugsley lies with stretched out legs, his paws curled in, head
sloped to the deck boards. He misses his friend.

We will all miss Fireball, good ole dog, died at the age of 18.
well taken away and put to sleep as he wouldnt eat, or drink, his legs moved
only on quivers.

Dear Fireball, you were a good ole boy. We loved you.
Rest, and play in dog heaven.

sense

change again, and it is fine by me, i will be going to another city for a while which is a challenge but i will get to do what i like to do best, but there is a chance that all could change, i hope not, i am only too happy to oblige my boss and go with him on this detail.... what i have then left of me, is a bit of me, struggling to get time for itself and none ever available. the baby is coming over today so that will be a full day for me. and then work, and the trying to tie off the loose ends i might have. i will take everything with me, i dont trust a soul in there. so be it.

life sucks and then you die

this has never been a favorite tag of mine, some where a while ago, this was brought to keychains and bumper stickers...how depressing and how cynical we all are...but, right at this moment i think things couldn't get much worse for me mentally... f says he wouldnt have made it through..and my job, what can i say, that sucks too... no conforming... yup that is what is going on. push on push back, yep...so it goes. not fun, just flustering fuming and a bit of flaming.... yup
tomorrow i am glad i have the day off ...field of dreams day at Fenway, my poor Soxs... boo hoo... they are tired and need to regroup!! come on guys...get it together!!

stand up /stand down

if i were to tell my mother, i wonder if she would have a heart attack, so i will tell her, but after her party. the kid and his gf, well it has all caught up with him and her, and now, they are in the pen, my husband is without his big tv, i am without any jewelry of any value, his sister is without her diamond from her ex. and we are all a bit broken and fractured from the past .... and the present, i pray he gets some help now. the fbi and cops i guess were ok. hubby spared me from them...but not the kids, who found themselves home and they came into our house, without knocking and well..it has just been perhaps one of the most horrid days of my life. the tears finally came, and like the rain that happened today..they flooded my face, and i realized that i as explained it to his sister that a great part of my choking on my words was the strong sense of relief i felt...but then again i had such a horrid day at work, my boss on his ramage...and me again at the end of the page .... beaten up again... so angry...my job and the po...this just totally sucks again...