projects

again ive been moved into a special project...will i succeed.... two days now we have made goal, my boss was happy...today however i worked 12 hours to get stuff done that should have been done a month ago...oh well.... cant do everything.

i am so mad at my dr.... her sec faxed the wrong test results to my gyn....they called me.....What's going on...they sent us stuff from January.... arghhh...now i have to wait even longer to find out what the decision is going to be...it may not just be a lap....... arghhh...

i took my b day off..and havent told a soul hahahah...
.i just want to take off and go to NYC... i could and no one would even know ... they could think i am in work and i would be sitting in the theatre enjoying a wonderful play... now that the strike is over that's all i can think about....

mk...got refused for his passport, if he was an illeagle...that's how i'll call it to be politically correct he would have a license and God knows what other identification...here he is an american born kid and he has to have 5 pieces of something to prove it....it is bs that is what it is.

well my new medication is working some what except that i feel like a greased pig and that part sucks. this is just a whine session....and i know it....so much for that ...it is really bugging me that i am turning 50...it just really is...not that i feel so much different but gheeze ive got so much to do in my life...

hp is coming tomorrow to remove her furniture, that will free 1.5 rooms in my house...wow wow.... space yahoo... that is something every one will enjoy...i will be able to use my treadmill and the tv room will be a delight to everyone...welcome back house.

on the other hand rw is not here and i am really really sad about that too...3-5 years he said and it aint even the final count.... not that he isnt a jerk..it is just that feeling fractured sucks...and that is how i feel when we are all together and he is not here...and i think about the times we could be having together with his baby ...the little love that he is and my heart is just ripped up and that is the part that is sometimes killing me the most because i cant think about it, coz if i do i just feel so very very sad...enough bitching...

there is nothing i can do to change the way things are
just keep going and praying and hoping that someday he will gain the strength to be whole...and not be part of that clan that is forever labeled.... a drug addict...
that would be a gift...when i was really sick i prayed to God, make him well, i dont even care if i ever get better if he was to get well...but that didnt happen..and i am still not well... figures...

next thurday i am going to join the senior choir at church - i will be the youngest one there. ha! this is something i will enjoy alleluia...

the unthinkable....

Somehow throughout my life I manage to get myself into trouble, being nice, well.... in the supply closet at work there were some pretty nifty hats, hats that should be given to people not just collecting dust, but i suppose....well i asked the jr manager who they were for, and he told me for a certain crew but that they were never given out, so i ask if i could give one to bn .... who is really deserving of a gift for no reason, a just because gift because he would never qualify for anything in the real of po logic...so i gave him one, you would think it was the best thing, he loves it...wears it with pride...that was a great gift some of the people in there you can give them something and they just wont care...it is only trash to them.....so anyway... the nosey body got ahold of bn and questioned him, where'd you get that hat.... of course he said...supervisor stupid gave it to me ---which by all means i am glad i gave it to him ---- so i get this email in work...
You took a hat out of the supply room and gave it to bn. We will talk about this Monday...from ds...well..you would think she was my boss...i felt like responding yes you fn bi it took it, now what...but... i just ignored her message ....this morning i get another email.... you gave bn a hat from the supply room you must pay jlb 12.00 for the hat as soon as possible.

I answered ....no problem


the truth is my boss never said a word to me, and he probably knows of the story... maybe he is pissed, but i did ask someone about the hats and thinking they were to be given out i saw nothing wrong in giving it out... however my judgment was laxs...yet again....yet i dont care about the 12 bucks.... i am still happy that i gave bn the hat because he appreciates it and wears it with a smile. however i am pissed at the pissy secretary... and feel like asking her what her problem is... i would prefer to not have to work with her as she shows so little courtesy and consideration, she could have just talked to me, but no she email...fine...and i didnt mention it and neither did my boss... so what does he really think? arghhhh

shopping surgery and passports

Fred made it through his surgery, I hope this stops his chocking and hacking in the middle of the night, i know i have reflux, but he has it so horrid, i guess i am pretty used to it all, back takes all the attention... i dont know just cant figure it all out, he's been home three days, and i have been home 1 and i just dont get much done, did take the dd and mike for their passports, if all goes right di will be going to the motherland, Germany and Czech for a world wind tour of numerous depression monument to the Holicaust which isnt a bad thing. I wouldnt mind going myself, but with her school I know she will experience a different kind of trip without me being with her, lots to do as usual. did start the xmas shopping and have about 1/2 of it done...if i get the rest done before the end of the month i will feel good and wont be a nut at the end of the holidays. so much to do around the house i will be glad when i get back on schedule with work so i can spend more time organizing... I am looking forward to Christmas and just enjoying life. i am completely ignoring the result of the pelvic ultrasound... why fix it if nothing is bothering you and surgery is not something i want to add to my holidays. yup lets have fun.

november

yes, somehow, some way, the year is coming to a close, time is not a friend of mine at this moment. I did buy a turkey...and i will have a three day weekend which will be awesome -- perhaps I can get ready for the holiday. Fred's surgery is today, and of course every time he has surgery i get nervous... But hopefully this will help him breath better --- the smoking is over whelming... and he needs to quit, how can i make him...cant... we all die sooner or later he says...oh ill put that on his tombstone. arghhhhh....

from my iphone

This is totally amazing, blogging from my iPhone? Is this possible
iguess this is the test.

from my iphone

This is totally amazing, blogging from my iPhone? Is this possible
iguess this is the test

ever persistent change

the old boy network is at work in the old po. the processes that were in place are going over significant change. I have no idea what will happen next. covering a co worker while she is out of a month...or so it seems... oh well new things do keep me going. working again like a dog and my house is a disaster this has got to be fixed. went to the drs...my mri shows my back is still the same, will i ever recover, no... this is it, so live with it, and within it... proof..i need to get inot shape. I have the number for a personal trainer that works out of the Sheraton in Boston, but I think I might just join the bac.... i just have to do it.

the other surprise was the pelvic ..fibroid uterus, enlarged, two cysts and just a mess great... primary stated call the gyn... ill pass. im feeling just fine.... well most of the time.

WOWWHEE

Well they did it! The Soxs socked those Rocks, and we had a great time watching them...it is sooo crazy having an awesome tv in our bedroom....

Wow and WOW

After a long series, but an entertaining one the Red Soxs have made it to the series. Now the Sox have to take on the Rocks, and Boy do I hope they Sox it to them! My love of baseball beseeches me. I dont know why I continue this affair as it gives me so many ups and downs, and worst of all it isnt like I get to go to a game much. the priciness of the tickets is a killer oh well but the tv is free, but as i told hubby, it is a lot easier to watch a game at the park...

there are distractions at the park that keep you ---
at home ---the pacing the floor infront of you, through to the kitchen and back again, the guant stares and groans while standing by the sofa alone, the clapping weakly and then loudly and the screaming that shakes the house is just a small example of watching a do or die game --- and kids looking at you like you are out of your mind only happen in my living room. At the park you can cheer and jeer, and sing and dance and

geesh ill have to finish this later....

a boy not a baby?

time gone by

seems impossible that the pool is closed, ive put the summer things away, and fall has been knocking on the window for over a week. the redsox's loss last night....arghh it was painful, but we could have won...faith and the faithful...

have been lacks about posting, writing and doing much of anything as my back has been out for a couple of weeks now, the cool air is not helping it much --- looking for a hotel in NYC trying to plan for that. January looks like the best rates. I have to check and see if Dianna wants to come and go from there.

some of my favorite pictures from days gone by recently....

hair cuts

the Bubbins got his first hair cut... his curly white locks sent to the bin, saving forver ... Karen said he tired to put them back on. "As each one fell, he would lift it and pat it to his head." He is a handsome boy, and looks like his father....and yes, although a toddler, a big boy, not so much a baby. He used his new Ikea cups and loved his new chair and the Diego toy we purchase for him for his birthday....

His father is still crazy....i dont know if he will ever change. Love cant fix him.

This morning is one of those mornings that I just feel like crawling back to bed and sleeping.... Our vacation last week was way too short. How i enjoy just hubbing along.... October 1st....time to think of Christmas organization and getting ready for the holidays. Steph is still away not back til thrus or fri.... i miss my JC.... i am just writing this to avoid going to work

The series starts this week...tonight is football...and Mikey has yet to start painting the kitchen ...procrastinator...he is painting every thing but.

clinched

Oh my heart is a pounding! Will i win in the lottery? please

apple cart

one symbol used in the wrong space can upset the entire apple cart...
so i would say that is me...
death has come to the imc and i am back in my old haunt...
i dont know how long i am staying there...
oh well...
of course they ask, isnt he going to be here for monday
probably not ....but...i feel like saying would you be here if your father died...
anyway...life goes on
there must be an alternative to working this hard.

My Soxs

Red now
in my youth, there was only gray and white and blue sox's to wear,
but with the Red, we shout I dare, I will, Come and get me, and I'll see you through... Believe in us, we believe in you. For long ago a dream that was true, is still that dream filled with God Bless You. too...

It comes like a sneeze, a cathchew cauchew.... the memory, the angst, the wonder, the news....

I watched Yaz and Scott, and Tony C
I watched too, when Buckner bent his knees---
I long ago swooned at Lonberg and though Reggie was cool, and then Nomar and the rest of that crew.... long ago...I sat in the bleachers for less than a duece. I stood by the fence near Landsdowne Street and kissed many a summer goodbye in the heat.

I've watched as September became boring beyound belief, no Red Soxs playing, who cares, the rest stink...

But this year, this team, yes this TEAM -- This ONE -- has had glory and honor, and struggles and grief, it has seasoned players and new kids on the block and sometimes they all stink...but for the most part...it has been a season of bliss....lets keep it going on guys....lets give everyone else the hip!... This year these boys, yes boys i must say, remember the fun in the game,

Let's go!!! Lester and Pap, and oh ho, hummm Big Pappi, let's go Ellsbury, Pedroia, Lowell and Youki ---Mike Lowell, and Coco, and let's not forget Manny, let's go Varitek, and J D too let's go Red Soxs GO RED dont be blue!!!! to be continued....: )

is it ?

it is past my bed time, i ve not slept ...legs keeping me awake, i stretched out for hours it seems...didnt make it to dds school just could not do the walking as still recovering from the horrid flu..... spent two days in my old haunt and think i will return to Eb tomorrow ...i do not know what is happening...one day at a time. will be off sun thru tuesday a little vacation well needed... tomorrow i will be exhausted from no slept although i tried to catch it sometimes


sleep it is a he or a she
it is a star or the moon
is it a firefly or a mosquito
is it a lightbulb or a hue
sleep what are you>

sleep the city cover by fog sleeps no lights gray shadows tall building looming over smaller one like monsters and robots ready to leap cool gray water touched the thick cotton sky and i watch to see lights flicker on and off off and on on and off boats sail moored shrink wrapped presents docked upon the shore no ribbons but bows and my skin feels the salt air and my tongue thirst for refreshment ---- water but not from the mist or the ocean a cool clean river to walk upon yes and drink from it anew refresh

sleep are you?

plans

hub wants me to take next tuesday off... silly if i do not get monday off too... i will ask...i should not have delayed but... i will try---.it is our anniversary... i asked. what are we going to do? and he didnt say much... I wonder if he has a plan? something i should never wonder.

i went crazy last night and had all my hair chopped off... now to get the color straightened out that would be good. the bug is lingering in me...arghhhh....

change

the once tepid morning is now cool,
need of robe, hot shower
dry hair, with warmth in mind
heater on in auto
mobile, noble wind, earth, sea,
what chilly news will you bring?

given

it is 8:35 --- my eyes are barely open... chills...leg pains.... home from work which is a never... but here i am sick .... and i wish i wasnt...home is okay at least there is hope i might get better.

not picked....

not chosen, and not complaining... it would have been a two week trial i think ...or longer a murder trial... something i do not regret getting challenge for..... it was nice to get home early and just enjoy my life a little, make dinner, make a few phone calls, wow there is life out there besides work.i have three bags of baseball peanuts in my office....just the small ones.... i wonder what the shelf life is considering that i have had them here since june hummm..september ...12th almost half way through....i need to go shopping for the bub...who will be 2 wow--- and johnny will turn 9 even scarier...

let me get through the next few days as work is going to be an uproar