WDW
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
WDW?
upon a dream
a dream vacation spent with our Two grandson and maybe a vacation that we will never be able to afford again, but we went with bags and baggage, youth and age, heart and soul, and the ability to go with the flow --- considering there were 5 personalities to contend with.
Some pics oh yeah....i am not going to edit them but put them in naturally for the salvation of time which i never have enough of
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
May 4
Today is my father's birthday. I can't believe he is gone over 11 years. It sucks and I can't help but to cry. Di's Beau got a car. Yippee for us we got a night off from driving. I am in class for three days. I hopefully will get certified to facilitate. This might give me some change. Journaling and just being happy with my life is my goal. I have to accept the things I cannot change and change the thing I can. Watching the xfiles creepy. Got to see ironman too. Time got lost. That's all
May 4th
Today would have been my Dads birthday. I don't think I will ever get over the fact that he is not here and has been gone almost 12 years. It sucks not having him around. And I can't help but to cry. Di's Beau has a car and us driving her to work. What a nice break. I went to class and have two more daysand I hope I will get certified
Sunday, May 02, 2010
May already?
What a worldwind trip to WDW and what a blast...too bad i have had no time to rest since returning and of course they didnt fix my car.... this has me very cranky and upset,...oh well it is May 2nd maybe i can sqeeze in some time to myself this week as i just need it.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
April and then some
quickly now for the time has come
no i havent gotten to Alice or the Titans... too busy all the time it is making me nuts...my brain is not absorbing or i am not paying attention...oh well...so here it is April and it is raining...
boo hoo
no i havent gotten to Alice or the Titans... too busy all the time it is making me nuts...my brain is not absorbing or i am not paying attention...oh well...so here it is April and it is raining...
boo hoo
Sunday, March 21, 2010
March 21
Went into facebook today, first day I've had to really go in there and they are having a day of silence for fallen heroes...ok, but i do not choose to participate... had i known earlier maybe...however i dont want my days' activities controlled by anything especially facebook...geesh... so i clicked not attending... i really dislike the things people write like...post this on you facebook --- if you dare -- leaving the dare out... blah... enough...
it is spring, Mom is home from Arizona, my starlights are grassy, my lilies are peaking out and my heather has gone from brown to brown with lavender specks.... what more sign of beauty than what is growing in my own front yard could give my eyes such joy and pleasure... I thank God to have made it through this tough winter... my body still aching but not such as before, I can only hope for more healing that i am ready to take...yes.... i can bend my knees and actually pick stuff up off the floor .... i can touch my joint below my second toe without screaming...i can wear most of my shoes again.. what more can i ask for.... i would love to be able to function in high heels? please
It is less then a month now until wdw vacation.... It can not come too soon....
yabba ....Took the bus to NYC by myself this Wednesday --- it was fantastic.... stayed away from Times Sq as the parade...st pats day --- was happening walked through Chelsea where I had never been before...lots of small galleries...and just a beautiful day.... Saw the play A Behanding in Spokane with Christoper Walken... funny and very funny at times, dark comedy... realistic...? very well acted...yes yes... and certainly could not have had a better seat then 4th row center stage...center... oh if my arms were long enough... yes it was a great day... exhausted when i got home but well worth it...
One new thing...in times sq you can go into the American Eagle and get your pic taken for it to be shown in the Square on a neon sign for 15 seconds...cool...maybe next time...
Definite wanting to see...next to normal... adams family and SHREK still....
So happy so happy it is Spring.
it is spring, Mom is home from Arizona, my starlights are grassy, my lilies are peaking out and my heather has gone from brown to brown with lavender specks.... what more sign of beauty than what is growing in my own front yard could give my eyes such joy and pleasure... I thank God to have made it through this tough winter... my body still aching but not such as before, I can only hope for more healing that i am ready to take...yes.... i can bend my knees and actually pick stuff up off the floor .... i can touch my joint below my second toe without screaming...i can wear most of my shoes again.. what more can i ask for.... i would love to be able to function in high heels? please
It is less then a month now until wdw vacation.... It can not come too soon....
yabba ....Took the bus to NYC by myself this Wednesday --- it was fantastic.... stayed away from Times Sq as the parade...st pats day --- was happening walked through Chelsea where I had never been before...lots of small galleries...and just a beautiful day.... Saw the play A Behanding in Spokane with Christoper Walken... funny and very funny at times, dark comedy... realistic...? very well acted...yes yes... and certainly could not have had a better seat then 4th row center stage...center... oh if my arms were long enough... yes it was a great day... exhausted when i got home but well worth it...
One new thing...in times sq you can go into the American Eagle and get your pic taken for it to be shown in the Square on a neon sign for 15 seconds...cool...maybe next time...
Definite wanting to see...next to normal... adams family and SHREK still....
So happy so happy it is Spring.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Full
Writing from my iPhone in bed. Fred went to get di at work. I am an emotional mess. Very melancholy today worried about everything. Ricky getting into a pre release program. Steph fell down her steps. Mickey upset that life isn't so easy for him. And Dianna running herself24 Very hard day at work and just too many feelings climbing inside the particles of my mind.
My Mom called we talked for awhile. She said she's having differculty shutting off her car. She could have a push button. Oh if I could just make things easier for her. She said she's feeling lousy and that makes me want to cry.
My Mom called we talked for awhile. She said she's having differculty shutting off her car. She could have a push button. Oh if I could just make things easier for her. She said she's feeling lousy and that makes me want to cry.
Saturday, March 06, 2010
March marched in
Somehow from February to March... time has flown by. Fred is getting comfortabley retired --- and busy all the time. I am doing better somewhat... i hope that the next increase in my medication will make me feel even better... but at least I dont feel like i cant walk all the time anymore... postive postive... work is strange... no one communicates much... i dont know...have lots to do and will get there i am sure. spring spring please come in, come knocking today and sunshine your way into my gloom. i know heat will be good for me so please do come and stay and play.
Monday, February 15, 2010
February where are you going?
I'm in work ... well at working doing nothing now because I am all caught up on what I brought here to work on. I am job sitting as construction is going on in this building. It is a holiday, I posted signs and people are still coming in. I can't believe tomorrow is the 16th, have the month is gone with Feb only having 28 days. It is a short months. Nothing new and exciting going on ... Fred's retirement is okay, a few quirky things to get used to but I will survive. Have not gone back to the gym because I am not feeling well ... I keep hoping that something will click and I will feel better... It has to... Disney World in approx 2 months well a little more than that but not much more. All ready started making the lists on what to bring and have a sorta plan on where we are going on what days according to our dining schedules.... it will be really great to get away... have much to do but have yet to do it planning for the spring... is it really 2010... wow! i wish i brought my knitting.
Monday, January 25, 2010
sausage toe
hahah.... finally went to the drs today as my toe, the second digit, the one next to my big toe has been swollen and sore since before Christmas. it isnt my toe per say, but the bottom of my foot...near the bottom of my toe
dr mayo looked at the foot, " hum do you remember injuring it?"
"no"
"I don't think it is a fracture. It would be feeling better by now. It looks to me like a classic case of sausage toe."
"it feels like im walking on a ping pong ball"
"well, this is your toe, and this is the toe joint and this is where the pain is coming from" she squeezed my foot together "any pain?"
"no. it is underneath and at the bottom on the top when you touch it"
"i think it is psoriatic arthritis and if it is you will have to go on methotrexate"
"Oh my niece was on that for her RA"
"well it is chemotherapy and you will have to be watched"
"can't a trip to Florida straighten me out?"
"No unfortunately not, remember when Dr Quinn wanted you to see the rheumotolgist at mass general?"
"yup"
"well this is why -- you need to go to the hospital today and also get these test done today."
"Okay"
Sausage toe, I hope she is wrong. arghhhh
dr mayo looked at the foot, " hum do you remember injuring it?"
"no"
"I don't think it is a fracture. It would be feeling better by now. It looks to me like a classic case of sausage toe."
"it feels like im walking on a ping pong ball"
"well, this is your toe, and this is the toe joint and this is where the pain is coming from" she squeezed my foot together "any pain?"
"no. it is underneath and at the bottom on the top when you touch it"
"i think it is psoriatic arthritis and if it is you will have to go on methotrexate"
"Oh my niece was on that for her RA"
"well it is chemotherapy and you will have to be watched"
"can't a trip to Florida straighten me out?"
"No unfortunately not, remember when Dr Quinn wanted you to see the rheumotolgist at mass general?"
"yup"
"well this is why -- you need to go to the hospital today and also get these test done today."
"Okay"
Sausage toe, I hope she is wrong. arghhhh
Sunday, January 10, 2010
blogg
a post was attacked months ago...and i just noticed it... disgusting. How can i get rid of the bs
just have the blues
Fred being retired it ok. He's doing well. But I am still the maintainer of the major things in our life, like the mortgage company sending a threatening letter that if we do not have insurance our mortgage is in default. HA! This set me off, we did not ask our other mortgage company to sell our mortgage to this company. A phone call or a nicer letter would have been more appropriate. And I told them so in the letter that I wrote to them in no uncertain terms.
It would be to our own detriment to not have house insurance.... who is writing these letters from these companies is what I'd like to know. A total lack of ettiquette which is an example of the young people growing up today. No respect! Rodney where are you? You said it sooo clearly. Anyway today is another day with the BUB... Then I have to gear up for a long week of work... Work Tues, have lunch with Joe Tues, then work late Thursday... So it will be over a 50 hour work week because I always seem to put in extra time...
It would be to our own detriment to not have house insurance.... who is writing these letters from these companies is what I'd like to know. A total lack of ettiquette which is an example of the young people growing up today. No respect! Rodney where are you? You said it sooo clearly. Anyway today is another day with the BUB... Then I have to gear up for a long week of work... Work Tues, have lunch with Joe Tues, then work late Thursday... So it will be over a 50 hour work week because I always seem to put in extra time...
Thursday, January 07, 2010
just too tired
I had a couple of days off but I didn't really rest, went to the gym, and was busy ... Fred and I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy, watching inspired by our nephews' choice. It was really great, but in the middle of it all I worked over 12 hours and had to go to Back Bay and get the DD from her NYC. Which just added to my already exhausted body.
I think I am worn out from the cold and snow never mind the fact of the two broken toes and the ball of nerves collecting in the padding of my foot. Fred insists that I need to go to the drs, but I've had it with the drs. Every time I go they find something else wrong... why can't i just be healthy. Hopefully I will hear from the arthritis clinic and they can do something about the pain in my knees and legs... I wonder if I have PAD ... they advertise it on tv like it is rampant ... the determination to lose more weight just might help me even more if i can get back to the gym with regularity....
the Snow....I like the way it looks in the yard and front of the house, but my feet have been cold now for 5 days even with socks and slippers.... this makes me grumpy.
My old boss Joe called me about a job in Braintree. I am going to meet him someday for lunch and talk about it. It would have Sun/ Mon off and be on the South Shore, the drive might be a little more convoluted but it may be better than having to go over the Tobin every day which still scares me. Plus if I got stuck I could take the Train...woo hoo...I could even give up my car if I had to...
I do not know what it is about bridges, they turn my stomach over and my heart races. The Tobin especially ==it is soo dark and menacing in the morning before the sun rises, and at night when on the top it is as if a giant bird can come from the sky and scoop you up and drive away with you ... open to the nights whim.... I dont know why they are constantly working on the thing... I think just to keep state employees employed never mind the 3.25 in tolls a day one has to pay if driving into the city... avoiding the tolls cost me about 30 minutes a day... hummm it really is something to think about....
yesterday i gave my boss a taste of his own habit, emails, i flooded him with them --- probably about 25, I went home last night and was laughing about the entire situation... fearful of the repercussions today, but alas there was none, no nasty emails waiting for me in the box... yet tomorrow is another day and well.... i suppose there is Saturday too.... arghh.. i hate those emails....Joanne is on vacation...i will miss her camaraderie....but today was fun as I told Rob who was being a complete dick --- F U and that worked because he came to my desk and was pretty nice. I guess he figured out he was being a not nice word. I've had it with men bossing and pushing me around.
Friday, January 01, 2010
January 1 2010
Wow, the year is over and I had to look back at my blog to see what I was doing at this time last year. How could I forget. I was still in that horrid job that fried me day and night, employees with bad attitudes can take you down and stomp on you...that is what i learned in the year of 2008 unfortunately it took all this year to discover what i trully did learn from that experience. My boss was a complete jerk, and actually he still is, but it is not all the time, it floats from here to yesterday --- bipolar which is a term i hate because everyone has highs and lows... me too withstanding my own yanciness... and i do get ants in my pants and the urge to just roam...i said to Fred i dont think i could be retired I would go out of my mind from boredom or be poor because i would want to be doing something more than what i am doing now which of course would create what kind of expense i do not know ...today i looked for trips to london, new orleans, a cruise, and of course las vegas ---vegas is relativly cheap and i found out why ...it is only 37 degreees there....bottom line, i need heat lots of it... and that is only going to be found below the line....so i am still thinking and planning a trip... maybe a trip to the tanning salon might help because i do need that heat!
aching body and bones, tight muscles and ligaments groan
winter cold comes in and shrinks the insides of me
how i whine for heat heat heat
So now, 2010, Fred is officially retired in 2 days!!! I do not have to work... Sun, Mon, and Tues, it will be great to have some time off...just the few days.
Happy New Year to everyone everywhere.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
a month plus ... not working
I've been home from work for over a month. I've learned that it is easy to have to work, but also I know and acknowledge the fact that I need to work, part-time would be better but for now I will go back to the grind and back on schedule. It is easy for me to become depressed and bored even with the zillions of interests I have.
Since being home...well the first two weeks I definetly didn't do much except for knitting... but I did lay about and I cooked... This is the bad of me being home. I love to cook and bake. I've made home made banana bread, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, baked apples, and prepared fantastic shrimp, pasta, and a Thanksgiving Day dinner -- turkey and fixen's --- gobbled up and gone in 24 hours.
I traveled to NYC and also to Providence and purchased almost nothing. I am really not into shopping.... But anyway, here my time has come to an end. I would love to stay home until after the holidays but if I do... I will never go back this I am sure of.
Well bye bye... easy days. Now I just have to figure out a way to keep knitting and work, go to the gym, keep my house clean and get ready for Christmas.
hello po blah
Since being home...well the first two weeks I definetly didn't do much except for knitting... but I did lay about and I cooked... This is the bad of me being home. I love to cook and bake. I've made home made banana bread, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, baked apples, and prepared fantastic shrimp, pasta, and a Thanksgiving Day dinner -- turkey and fixen's --- gobbled up and gone in 24 hours.
I traveled to NYC and also to Providence and purchased almost nothing. I am really not into shopping.... But anyway, here my time has come to an end. I would love to stay home until after the holidays but if I do... I will never go back this I am sure of.
Well bye bye... easy days. Now I just have to figure out a way to keep knitting and work, go to the gym, keep my house clean and get ready for Christmas.
hello po blah
Friday, November 20, 2009
light shines down on Gotham
November winds can be wild
windows are often kept closed
sun shines as if it is April
but it can be chilling
once bright colored leaves turn
brown and burnt orange once green lush
grass is yellow and rust
white and brights and strips
become tweeds and velour and brass
here is Gotham in the middle of the day
what could be gray cement and brick is
bright and light and waves our flag
here in Gotham in the middle of the day
Tis' God's light that blesses the way.
Friday, November 13, 2009
sillyness
today I lounged around exhausted from nothing. i knitted and made a reservation to go to nyc on the bus for 14.50. I am going alone. This is a brave venture but one i've often thought of embarking upon. i am going to be able to do what i want to do when i want to do it.... no one else bossing me about. no one whinning... not that every time i've gone to Gotham i havent had the grandest of times, but I am looking forward to just taking this one day trip for myself before i go back to work...
i made soup and grilled cheese for dinner and hubby was happy with that... I really needed to go shopping having no milk for coffee or tea just put me out all day...still i was too lazy to walk the miles to the stop and shop and it just felt too cold out... so after dinner i took a nap and woke at 9... then i went food shopping.... i bought an eye roast that i foolishly put in the oven at 11:30 thinking that it would be easier to cook it tonight than tomorrow as i have my post op appointment...but now it is nearly 1 and i am exhausted again....
when i came in from food shopping i made banana bread and banana muffins... hubby eats a banana a day and they do turn and once they start turning i usually throw them away or in the freezer for later to make banana something...but this time i just decided to make the banana bread when i came in from shopping...which i did...and the roast...which should be nearly done...
we've had no luck with the car situation so i suppose hubby will be off next week looking for a car because the next week is Thanksgiving and I dont know how he plans on getting things done unless he is with me or i have a car. and then i will be going back to work...so... i pray a car turns my way...in a positive way..
i best go check on that roast and see if the sand man will come visit....
only two hot flashes today that i can remember... one last about 20 minutes and went from my thights to my arm to my nose... and dizziness came today too.... arghhh... other wise i am feeling great just have to find out about the lifting ... tomorrow will tell what i can and cannot do....
another thought about time ....as it is forever the thread and the rhyme
it does not wither and it does not run although it is running
it does not ever leave nor does it breath although it is life
it does not tell nor does it hold nor does it keep secrets because it does not know
it has not knowledge or voice or the ability to hear or communicate in anyway
we give it life with the clock
we give it existence with our acknowledgment
how much time is like love and hope and fear and faith
but we give time a face.
just the thought for this moment.
i made soup and grilled cheese for dinner and hubby was happy with that... I really needed to go shopping having no milk for coffee or tea just put me out all day...still i was too lazy to walk the miles to the stop and shop and it just felt too cold out... so after dinner i took a nap and woke at 9... then i went food shopping.... i bought an eye roast that i foolishly put in the oven at 11:30 thinking that it would be easier to cook it tonight than tomorrow as i have my post op appointment...but now it is nearly 1 and i am exhausted again....
when i came in from food shopping i made banana bread and banana muffins... hubby eats a banana a day and they do turn and once they start turning i usually throw them away or in the freezer for later to make banana something...but this time i just decided to make the banana bread when i came in from shopping...which i did...and the roast...which should be nearly done...
we've had no luck with the car situation so i suppose hubby will be off next week looking for a car because the next week is Thanksgiving and I dont know how he plans on getting things done unless he is with me or i have a car. and then i will be going back to work...so... i pray a car turns my way...in a positive way..
i best go check on that roast and see if the sand man will come visit....
only two hot flashes today that i can remember... one last about 20 minutes and went from my thights to my arm to my nose... and dizziness came today too.... arghhh... other wise i am feeling great just have to find out about the lifting ... tomorrow will tell what i can and cannot do....
another thought about time ....as it is forever the thread and the rhyme
it does not wither and it does not run although it is running
it does not ever leave nor does it breath although it is life
it does not tell nor does it hold nor does it keep secrets because it does not know
it has not knowledge or voice or the ability to hear or communicate in anyway
we give it life with the clock
we give it existence with our acknowledgment
how much time is like love and hope and fear and faith
but we give time a face.
just the thought for this moment.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
flash
Hot flashes are strange sensations that feel like someone threw a cup of pepper on my face sometimes
on my shoulders sometimes
on my belly sometimes
on the back of my neck sometimes
on my thighs sometimes
they do not travel but start off in a space and burst like a splash of sun or fire or hot rain...
my nose sometimes sweats.
they are not very uncomfortable
but they are here none the less
i do not want to entertain the thought of going on estrogen when estrogen increases the chances of cancer... and well that was one of the reasons why i had the operation in the first place... to decrease my chances considering that they could not really see what was going on in there or determine because the diagnositic tests were conclusive but inconclusive at the same time...
well i guess i will talk with the dr on Friday at my post op.
For now I will enjoy my tea and continue knitting.
on my shoulders sometimes
on my belly sometimes
on the back of my neck sometimes
on my thighs sometimes
they do not travel but start off in a space and burst like a splash of sun or fire or hot rain...
my nose sometimes sweats.
they are not very uncomfortable
but they are here none the less
i do not want to entertain the thought of going on estrogen when estrogen increases the chances of cancer... and well that was one of the reasons why i had the operation in the first place... to decrease my chances considering that they could not really see what was going on in there or determine because the diagnositic tests were conclusive but inconclusive at the same time...
well i guess i will talk with the dr on Friday at my post op.
For now I will enjoy my tea and continue knitting.
Monday, November 09, 2009
yahoo day
I received the results of my pathology reports and they came back benign... thank God. I was a little worried after the surgeon said it was the right decision.
on a surprise note, hubby bought me the iphone 3gs which has the new video camera in it...soooo cool.... and of course numerous other features i have yet to figure out. I am exhausted though and should be napping instead of playing techie to this thing.
on a surprise note, hubby bought me the iphone 3gs which has the new video camera in it...soooo cool.... and of course numerous other features i have yet to figure out. I am exhausted though and should be napping instead of playing techie to this thing.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
from chick to turkey... and beyond
This is making me nuts.... I have so many things I want to do and my patience is wearing thin. I pulled a chair over to a cupboard today, emptied it, washed it out, relined it and put the stuff back in.... bad bad I supposed ....I only did the top two shelves and then I was exhausted. no stamina.
Yesterday, I laughed so hard that my belly hurt.... and it wasn't even that I laughed that hard...I just didnt realize that my insides would be telling me -- hey you are healing in here be kind....but
I had a good laugh at my husband who thinks he is Mr. Wonderful... and he is sometimes, but.... I do all the shopping and rearranging in the cupboards...and yesterday we did alot of shopping and bought canned items.... So they were stacked on the chair, because I am still in the no lifting mode...and Fred said,
"There is no room for all this stuff." And I said, "Of course there is, things just have to be re-arranged. I just can't do the rearranging right now." And I went to go out of the kitchen, but I heard Fred mumble, "Just do as I say."
I laughed to myself, and I turned to him and asked, "What did you say?" and He said, "Nothing." And I kept laughing inside, but I knew he was being snide to me, so I said,"I heard you say it. --- Just do as I say." and I cracked up laughing, because I hadn't said that at all, but I guess I got my point across....
It is the little things that get taken for granted... the cleaning out the refridgerator every Monday night, the re-arranging of the cupboard to keep things old to the front and new in the back. The mere changing of the hand towel in the bathroom daily, and new tooth paste when the tube is just not worth squishing any more.... the quick washing of the bathroom to keep it fresh and clean, the swiffer on the steps and over the floors ... no fur balls accummulating anywhere...the throwing away of useless unending clutter that seems to accummulate from no where... clothing that is 10 -5 years old?
... who makes the determination to dispose of this stuff.... in my house, me. So... Everytime I think of my hubby struggling to arrange the canned goods, I remind myself that it isn't his job, and the stuff isn't even things we eat, like chef boyardee ravi... it's for the kids, they should have the job of putting the stuff away.... that would make much more sense.... but then it wouldn't get done.... or else it would be eaten alot faster because right now they do not know the stuff is there. So I keep laughing about his little joke, and wish it were true, that what I commanded was followed through... That must be what it is like to be a Queen... hummm
I've finally made it.
On another note, I took the chick pattern and created a turkey out of it. It was fun and took only a bit of my imagination, but if it had to do it again, I do not know if I could as I didn't keep any pattern.
Oh well!... Steph wants to go to NYC for Thanksgiving. I do not think Fred is going to bite. boohooo.... I wouldn't mind going again!
Friday, October 30, 2009
new era
Tomorrow is Halloween, one of my favorite celebration days, however this year I have to pass on going to Salem, and enjoying the festivities that go with the All Hallow's Eve....
I have to say that my surgery was very successful. I am feeling better than before the operation although I am in the convalesing stage. Most days I am lying about on the sofa or in bed knitting. Today Fred went and applied for his passport giving my imagination a wonderful rush. Where will we go? I want Italy. Fred said, "Any where your little heart desires." But that was just his way of not having to commit to any place ...currently... but I do have my ideas!...
It will be a long two more weeks.... but hopefully I will feel better and better everyday. It is funny though how anesthesia can wipe me out...wow... more to come in the days that follow. At least I have awoken.
I have to say that my surgery was very successful. I am feeling better than before the operation although I am in the convalesing stage. Most days I am lying about on the sofa or in bed knitting. Today Fred went and applied for his passport giving my imagination a wonderful rush. Where will we go? I want Italy. Fred said, "Any where your little heart desires." But that was just his way of not having to commit to any place ...currently... but I do have my ideas!...
It will be a long two more weeks.... but hopefully I will feel better and better everyday. It is funny though how anesthesia can wipe me out...wow... more to come in the days that follow. At least I have awoken.
Friday, October 16, 2009
arghhhh
I have about 1 week and 1 day until I am going to be out of work for 1 month... I'm really just about done with my boss who does not appreciate me at all... I am seriously thinking of leaving him.... there is a job opening closer to home but then again...do i want to go there... decisions decisions... an old worker friend of mine is at that station where the job is at...that makes it not a good reason to go there... coz as people know, i can be a bitch... anyway
i am feeling low...it must be a pre-surgery depression
i just need a real vacation and i dont know if i will ever get one....
i am feeling low...it must be a pre-surgery depression
i just need a real vacation and i dont know if i will ever get one....
Monday, October 12, 2009
Knitting
Knitting 
About a year ago, maybe longer, no one really knows when it started, my mother, the mother of 7 children, an invincible woman, developed a diabetic ulcer, better known as a hole in her skin that went straight to her ankle bone. Osteomyolitis is the technical term.
For nearly a year, minus the time Mom spent in Arizona with my younger sister, Joan, --- my older sister, Jeanne, took Mom to the wound clinic.
My younger sister, Joan helped her through a skin graft while she was in Arizona--that did not work, and finally Mom decided--- after visiting a Dr. suggested by my brother James, at another hospital --- Surgery was the only answer.
Her regular wound care Doc was chosen to do the surgery.
Dr Shaun, ---- I’ll just call him that because he is Polish, like my mother, ----
And his name does not at all spell the way you say it, -----
Dr Shaun has my mother’s faith and trust, as I said, he is Polish and Dr. Shaun is put above the rest.
On August 13th my mother entered the CC hospital, had the surgery, was put on insulin because her diabetes went wild and her kidneys gave her a run for her wellness… She stayed in the hospital an extra day until they felt she was well enough to go to a nursing home, The Royal Arms, I’ll call it. She wanted to go there because she thought she could go to church every morning as it is right beside a church, but… that did not happen.
As it went, Mom was remanded to the nursing home in a wheelchair for quite sometime as Dr Shaun did not want her walking on her leg until the incision was clean. Finally nearly a month later, September 15th arrived and the incision was clean, Mom could go home, but she was to see Dr Shaun the next day.
My sister Jeanne took Mom to the Drs. And it was not a very good appointment. Mom still had some stitches and a section of the foot had opened. Bad news. She was required to stay off the foot and have a baby sitter: Mom’s definition: one who would be there to keep her from doing what she wanted to do.
I worked that day, went home, and did a few things about the house, and drove to the cape. My sister Jeanne was still there waiting. Mom was on the sofa knitting. We chatted a bit. Then Jeanne went home….. The first few days of caring for Mom was getting to know her, what she wanted, when she wanted, how she liked things, hot, cold, size, softness, times…..I asked lots of questions and Mom was ok, not unhappy, being home was wonderful for her, but I could see in her face an apprehension about the foot, and how long and tiresome this procedure had become. This hole had taken her life as she knew it and she wondered if she would ever recover. When I helped her to bed that night she said, “I wish I wasn’t such a pain.”
“You’re not a pain, and you never have been,” was my reply.
My mother has never been a pain. She is the most independent, progressive person I’ve known in my life. This statement broke my heart. I could feel myself welling with tears, but I wasn’t going to cry. I was there to help her get better, get stronger, and that was what I was going to do. And that Feisty hole was not going to win---I said to myself.
The next day, Mom was knitting a very special blanket for her granddaughter, my niece, Marie;
I took up a knitting book and searched for something easy I could possibly make. I found a Baba Doll, similar to the nesting dolls we have in our homes. Mom helped me find some yarn in her yards and yards of remnants and off I went… needles in hands, and started this doll….. I tore it out a few times, but finally she was complete….with the help of Mom’s coaching, she didn’t come out too bad.
Saturday, my brother John and his wife, Patrice were down the cape. Mom insisted that I go home. I left in the late morning. I went home, cleaned about the house, did laundry, ironed, shopped for food, picked up my youngest grandson, and returned to Mom’s the next day.
My daughter Stephanie came to the cape house to pick up my grandson with her son. The two grandchildren picked out knitted toys they wanted me to make. Lil Ricky said he wanted an Elephant then he changed his mind to an alligator, but he still wanted the elephant. I could just tell. Johnny wanted a chick, but the chick he picked was more like a ball not a knitted one. So the elephant was begun, and the Chick was put on the list.
I had work to do; Mom was still working on the blanket for Lil Marie.
Tuesday came and the visiting nurse, Ken, like Barbie’s Ken, came to the house.
When I saw the foot ---Questions came out of my mouth --- What are those black spots, can I massage it? What should I be doing? The nurse said stitches, and he thought I could massage it, but… I was nervous and decided to wait until we visited the Drs the next day.
And although that baby Elephant required knitting with 4 needles, I did not say I am not going to do this, I took up the needles and began….
The ride to the wound clinic was enlightening. In all the years I’ve been going to the cape I’d never driven to Sandwich through the roads we took, plus route 28 where I rode my bike for a few summers long…. Was totally changed. I was sad and awakened --- the cape as I knew it had changed. Had it been that long since I was down there--- traveling these roads -- yet yesterday’s memories are as strong as the days they were made --- my heart ached and I felt a knot twist in my mind and my heart because of the years that had passed. It was almost 33 years since the date my husband and I married. When we were first married we went to the cape quite often, but as our family grew we traveled there less, with work and a house full… there just wasn’t as much time… and suddenly it was 33 years later from then…
Mom was early to the drs and we waited. The patients at the clinic were different than her but the same. Special shoes, special dressings, wheelchairs, canes ---
The chairs in the exam rooms are similar to the ones at the dentist offices, large cushiony with the ability to go up and down, and side to side. No spit sink though which was good. The nurses were happy to see my mom, and when they took her bandage off,
I asked immediately, “What are those black things? Can I massage her foot? How does it look?” And I took out my camera and took pictures. The Feisty Foot was not the prettiest picture, but Mom said she couldn’t really see it, so I wanted to show it to her, and I ended up sharing the photos with all my brothers and sisters, why not? I would want to see.
Dr Shaun came in, Mom introduced me, as he poked and prodded at her foot. Mom didn’t wince too much. She did ask, “Do I still need a baby sitter.” To which Dr. Shaun replied, “Yes.”
I asked for a couple of stockinets so we could change the one she had, and they were supplied. “Next week.” said the Doc. “No Changes for the nurse, No PT.”
Mom insisted on going to Roche Brothers and then we went home. I read over the paper. “No standing on right leg” Keep up at least 30 minutes 5 times a day. No changes to visiting nurse, no pt.
Mom said, “If I don’t do stuff I am going to lose my ability to do stuff.” I said to Mom, “If you do not stay off that foot it is not going to heal. This is the time, not next week or the week after. You are just going to have to put up with me doing stuff for you and stay off the foot.”
Mom wasn’t happy but I was not going to just let her do what ever she wanted. That night I didn’t insist on massaging her foot. But I was going to start, and she was going to have to tolerate me taking care of her.
We knitted and talked and watched TV. My husband came down and we celebrated our anniversary. We took Mom to Job Lot where she strolled off with a carriage. My heart was pounding. We were only supposed to be looking at yarn. What if someone bops that leg? Arghhhhhhhh
After Job Lot Mom allowed us to drop her at home while my husband and I finished the shopping for lunch. Eyeyeye.
Well, later that afternoon, Mom threw me out. “Go home, John will be here.”
And so I went. I went home to cook and clean and shop and take the baby out… And then I returned to Mom and the baby Elephant that was giving me plenty of problems. I massaged Mom’s foot every night starting with it cold and white ending when it turned warm and just pink…
Tuesday, Mom baked while sitting in a chair, I was the assistant, just the lumper carrying things to the table and sink and stove and back again. Mom was happy.
The next day we went to the Drs. Mom brought some brownies with her and she was taken in right away. The girls were singing and giggling and giving Mom hugs. When they took the bandage off, I looked at it and I thought the hole was closed. But one nurse said to the other, “I’m going in.” I held my breath as they took a Qtip to the wound. “2cm,” she called out. I was disappointed. I really wanted that hole to be gone. But Mom took out her list, “copper bottom socks, (I still have to get her some), have you heard of them, can I wear them? Can I go to the heart Drs Appts? Can I get a flu shot, can I? DO I Still need a BABYSITTER?”
Dr. Shaun turned and looked right at me, “Yes, she does too much.”
I asked for some more stockinet and home we went. Mom was happy it had closed from 4 cm to 2 cm. But she still needed a baby sitter. My brother Kenney was next on the list.
Thursday, Mom and I searched the internet for patterns. We found a great one for a little chick and a cat for her to make Little Alan my nephew, her grandson. And I finally finished the baby Elephant that night as she slept.
Friday, I packed up my stuff, washed all the laundry and started the baby Chick. The chick’s math was incorrect. Mom helped me to figure it out. I worked on it, did more laundry and linens, and the day grew into the afternoon. Mom never asked what time I was leaving like every other time. This time she took the day as it was. At 3:30 I said I was going to massage her foot one last time and then I was going to go. All the linens were changed; I was all packed up….
I massaged her foot and we were quiet. I gave her a kiss and told her I was going to miss her and I left. Tears streamed down my cheek as I drove away. She couldn’t wave good bye at the door like she always did before the feisty hole.
It was as hard to leave her as it was to leave my baby daughter in the hospital when she was born and go home. I knew she was on the mend though, and I took the knitting I was working on with me.
My brother Kenny took over where I left off. He massaged Mom’s foot and cooked for her and took her shopping, and did just what she needed. He even fixed the drawer that I couldn’t figure out how it was broken.
Best of all ---- He took her to her visit with Dr Shaun. Mom brought brownies for the nurses and a hat she knitted for Dr. Shaun. Dr Shaun said he would wear it as he was going to Vermont. And with Kenny there, Dr. Shaun told Mom that she didn’t need a babysitter any more.
Today, just a few days later, I visited Mom with my oldest grandson in tow. Her foot looks great. She was baking on her own and she had her foot in its protective sponge and she was keeping it up.
I gave the feisty foot a great massage…. And Mom gave me her secret hat pattern…. as it happened that yesterday Little Ricky said to me, “Can’t you knit me a hat, right now? Before I go home. And I laughed, “I am no way near that fast.”
Today lucky us---- Johnny and I both got new knitted hats made the Grammy way.
Johnny’s is green and mine is blue. His goes perfect with his jacket and mine goes perfect with my postal sweatshirt. I heard my brother John got one too.
I am working on a hat now for Lil Ricky…
10/12/2009
About a year ago, maybe longer, no one really knows when it started, my mother, the mother of 7 children, an invincible woman, developed a diabetic ulcer, better known as a hole in her skin that went straight to her ankle bone. Osteomyolitis is the technical term.
For nearly a year, minus the time Mom spent in Arizona with my younger sister, Joan, --- my older sister, Jeanne, took Mom to the wound clinic.
My younger sister, Joan helped her through a skin graft while she was in Arizona--that did not work, and finally Mom decided--- after visiting a Dr. suggested by my brother James, at another hospital --- Surgery was the only answer.
Her regular wound care Doc was chosen to do the surgery.
Dr Shaun, ---- I’ll just call him that because he is Polish, like my mother, ----
And his name does not at all spell the way you say it, -----
Dr Shaun has my mother’s faith and trust, as I said, he is Polish and Dr. Shaun is put above the rest.
On August 13th my mother entered the CC hospital, had the surgery, was put on insulin because her diabetes went wild and her kidneys gave her a run for her wellness… She stayed in the hospital an extra day until they felt she was well enough to go to a nursing home, The Royal Arms, I’ll call it. She wanted to go there because she thought she could go to church every morning as it is right beside a church, but… that did not happen.
As it went, Mom was remanded to the nursing home in a wheelchair for quite sometime as Dr Shaun did not want her walking on her leg until the incision was clean. Finally nearly a month later, September 15th arrived and the incision was clean, Mom could go home, but she was to see Dr Shaun the next day.
My sister Jeanne took Mom to the Drs. And it was not a very good appointment. Mom still had some stitches and a section of the foot had opened. Bad news. She was required to stay off the foot and have a baby sitter: Mom’s definition: one who would be there to keep her from doing what she wanted to do.
I worked that day, went home, and did a few things about the house, and drove to the cape. My sister Jeanne was still there waiting. Mom was on the sofa knitting. We chatted a bit. Then Jeanne went home….. The first few days of caring for Mom was getting to know her, what she wanted, when she wanted, how she liked things, hot, cold, size, softness, times…..I asked lots of questions and Mom was ok, not unhappy, being home was wonderful for her, but I could see in her face an apprehension about the foot, and how long and tiresome this procedure had become. This hole had taken her life as she knew it and she wondered if she would ever recover. When I helped her to bed that night she said, “I wish I wasn’t such a pain.”
“You’re not a pain, and you never have been,” was my reply.
My mother has never been a pain. She is the most independent, progressive person I’ve known in my life. This statement broke my heart. I could feel myself welling with tears, but I wasn’t going to cry. I was there to help her get better, get stronger, and that was what I was going to do. And that Feisty hole was not going to win---I said to myself.
The next day, Mom was knitting a very special blanket for her granddaughter, my niece, Marie;
I took up a knitting book and searched for something easy I could possibly make. I found a Baba Doll, similar to the nesting dolls we have in our homes. Mom helped me find some yarn in her yards and yards of remnants and off I went… needles in hands, and started this doll….. I tore it out a few times, but finally she was complete….with the help of Mom’s coaching, she didn’t come out too bad.
Saturday, my brother John and his wife, Patrice were down the cape. Mom insisted that I go home. I left in the late morning. I went home, cleaned about the house, did laundry, ironed, shopped for food, picked up my youngest grandson, and returned to Mom’s the next day.
My daughter Stephanie came to the cape house to pick up my grandson with her son. The two grandchildren picked out knitted toys they wanted me to make. Lil Ricky said he wanted an Elephant then he changed his mind to an alligator, but he still wanted the elephant. I could just tell. Johnny wanted a chick, but the chick he picked was more like a ball not a knitted one. So the elephant was begun, and the Chick was put on the list.
I had work to do; Mom was still working on the blanket for Lil Marie.
Tuesday came and the visiting nurse, Ken, like Barbie’s Ken, came to the house.
When I saw the foot ---Questions came out of my mouth --- What are those black spots, can I massage it? What should I be doing? The nurse said stitches, and he thought I could massage it, but… I was nervous and decided to wait until we visited the Drs the next day.
And although that baby Elephant required knitting with 4 needles, I did not say I am not going to do this, I took up the needles and began….
The ride to the wound clinic was enlightening. In all the years I’ve been going to the cape I’d never driven to Sandwich through the roads we took, plus route 28 where I rode my bike for a few summers long…. Was totally changed. I was sad and awakened --- the cape as I knew it had changed. Had it been that long since I was down there--- traveling these roads -- yet yesterday’s memories are as strong as the days they were made --- my heart ached and I felt a knot twist in my mind and my heart because of the years that had passed. It was almost 33 years since the date my husband and I married. When we were first married we went to the cape quite often, but as our family grew we traveled there less, with work and a house full… there just wasn’t as much time… and suddenly it was 33 years later from then…
Mom was early to the drs and we waited. The patients at the clinic were different than her but the same. Special shoes, special dressings, wheelchairs, canes ---
The chairs in the exam rooms are similar to the ones at the dentist offices, large cushiony with the ability to go up and down, and side to side. No spit sink though which was good. The nurses were happy to see my mom, and when they took her bandage off,
I asked immediately, “What are those black things? Can I massage her foot? How does it look?” And I took out my camera and took pictures. The Feisty Foot was not the prettiest picture, but Mom said she couldn’t really see it, so I wanted to show it to her, and I ended up sharing the photos with all my brothers and sisters, why not? I would want to see.
Dr Shaun came in, Mom introduced me, as he poked and prodded at her foot. Mom didn’t wince too much. She did ask, “Do I still need a baby sitter.” To which Dr. Shaun replied, “Yes.”
I asked for a couple of stockinets so we could change the one she had, and they were supplied. “Next week.” said the Doc. “No Changes for the nurse, No PT.”
Mom insisted on going to Roche Brothers and then we went home. I read over the paper. “No standing on right leg” Keep up at least 30 minutes 5 times a day. No changes to visiting nurse, no pt.
Mom said, “If I don’t do stuff I am going to lose my ability to do stuff.” I said to Mom, “If you do not stay off that foot it is not going to heal. This is the time, not next week or the week after. You are just going to have to put up with me doing stuff for you and stay off the foot.”
Mom wasn’t happy but I was not going to just let her do what ever she wanted. That night I didn’t insist on massaging her foot. But I was going to start, and she was going to have to tolerate me taking care of her.
We knitted and talked and watched TV. My husband came down and we celebrated our anniversary. We took Mom to Job Lot where she strolled off with a carriage. My heart was pounding. We were only supposed to be looking at yarn. What if someone bops that leg? Arghhhhhhhh
After Job Lot Mom allowed us to drop her at home while my husband and I finished the shopping for lunch. Eyeyeye.
Well, later that afternoon, Mom threw me out. “Go home, John will be here.”
And so I went. I went home to cook and clean and shop and take the baby out… And then I returned to Mom and the baby Elephant that was giving me plenty of problems. I massaged Mom’s foot every night starting with it cold and white ending when it turned warm and just pink…
Tuesday, Mom baked while sitting in a chair, I was the assistant, just the lumper carrying things to the table and sink and stove and back again. Mom was happy.
The next day we went to the Drs. Mom brought some brownies with her and she was taken in right away. The girls were singing and giggling and giving Mom hugs. When they took the bandage off, I looked at it and I thought the hole was closed. But one nurse said to the other, “I’m going in.” I held my breath as they took a Qtip to the wound. “2cm,” she called out. I was disappointed. I really wanted that hole to be gone. But Mom took out her list, “copper bottom socks, (I still have to get her some), have you heard of them, can I wear them? Can I go to the heart Drs Appts? Can I get a flu shot, can I? DO I Still need a BABYSITTER?”
Dr. Shaun turned and looked right at me, “Yes, she does too much.”
I asked for some more stockinet and home we went. Mom was happy it had closed from 4 cm to 2 cm. But she still needed a baby sitter. My brother Kenney was next on the list.
Thursday, Mom and I searched the internet for patterns. We found a great one for a little chick and a cat for her to make Little Alan my nephew, her grandson. And I finally finished the baby Elephant that night as she slept.
Friday, I packed up my stuff, washed all the laundry and started the baby Chick. The chick’s math was incorrect. Mom helped me to figure it out. I worked on it, did more laundry and linens, and the day grew into the afternoon. Mom never asked what time I was leaving like every other time. This time she took the day as it was. At 3:30 I said I was going to massage her foot one last time and then I was going to go. All the linens were changed; I was all packed up….
I massaged her foot and we were quiet. I gave her a kiss and told her I was going to miss her and I left. Tears streamed down my cheek as I drove away. She couldn’t wave good bye at the door like she always did before the feisty hole.
It was as hard to leave her as it was to leave my baby daughter in the hospital when she was born and go home. I knew she was on the mend though, and I took the knitting I was working on with me.
My brother Kenny took over where I left off. He massaged Mom’s foot and cooked for her and took her shopping, and did just what she needed. He even fixed the drawer that I couldn’t figure out how it was broken.
Best of all ---- He took her to her visit with Dr Shaun. Mom brought brownies for the nurses and a hat she knitted for Dr. Shaun. Dr Shaun said he would wear it as he was going to Vermont. And with Kenny there, Dr. Shaun told Mom that she didn’t need a babysitter any more.
Today, just a few days later, I visited Mom with my oldest grandson in tow. Her foot looks great. She was baking on her own and she had her foot in its protective sponge and she was keeping it up.
I gave the feisty foot a great massage…. And Mom gave me her secret hat pattern…. as it happened that yesterday Little Ricky said to me, “Can’t you knit me a hat, right now? Before I go home. And I laughed, “I am no way near that fast.”
Today lucky us---- Johnny and I both got new knitted hats made the Grammy way.
Johnny’s is green and mine is blue. His goes perfect with his jacket and mine goes perfect with my postal sweatshirt. I heard my brother John got one too.
I am working on a hat now for Lil Ricky…
10/12/2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
sept
i am tired it has been a long and busy day.. i was knitting hshs...i am the slowest knitter on the planet...but Mom enjoyed helping me with my questions and mistakes. I was always the seamstress so to speak much better at sewing than knitting but if this little doll comes out ok i will make some more. havent started reading have just been busy making sure Mom does not walk on her foot. Ive caught her a few times...ugh...typical... guess i should get to bed.
it is so dark down here i wonder if stars are in the sky.
it is so dark down here i wonder if stars are in the sky.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
found poem
undate poem When did I write this?
Wonder
Like water waiting to touch the earth
like the earth waiting to drink the water
like roots digging
it is wonder
How does she know?
like the fence sagging longing to be streched
like a wilted flower longing to be pinched
like a puppy waiting for a pat
It is me, now longing,
feel something
energy take me -lead me
like water through a spigot
sucked through a straw
string hoping to be wound
fruit on the bottom waiting to be stirred
pain-full, yet peace-full
peace-full, yet pain-full
fear to leap,
Will I fall
I wait
I long for
and I wonder
How long?
Wonder
Like water waiting to touch the earth
like the earth waiting to drink the water
like roots digging
it is wonder
How does she know?
like the fence sagging longing to be streched
like a wilted flower longing to be pinched
like a puppy waiting for a pat
It is me, now longing,
feel something
energy take me -lead me
like water through a spigot
sucked through a straw
string hoping to be wound
fruit on the bottom waiting to be stirred
pain-full, yet peace-full
peace-full, yet pain-full
fear to leap,
Will I fall
I wait
I long for
and I wonder
How long?
Monday, September 07, 2009
route
yesterday i traveled old and new... old to visit my mom... her leg - the ankle looks pretty good, but there is that one -- 1/2 inch that is still oozing something... I am praying that it heals...please let this happen for my mom's health and well being...
Lil Ricky and I got stuck in a traffic jam rolling 10 mile an hour can be long and tedious, the little one managed ... he played with the two toys...a little man and an airplane I had in the car... and we finally made it, downtown Falmouth was bursting with tourists, so different from the last time I visited.... this is / was labor day weekend... and I felt so sad, no weekend on the cape for me this year, only one trip to the beach arghhh....so frustrating as I love the sand and surf....
on the way to visit his father we got lost and i ended up on route 44... who ever knew it existed...well i did know it existed but i never traveled it before for the hour i was lost....i dont want to live in burbia that is all i know...too creepy for me... lost and no way out....so that was new, but i finally found my way to the Forest and it was beautiful. Lil Ricky loved the roller coaster road and we saw wild turkeys and it was just so wonderful. He got scared as the night came down though.... dark as the woods can be we left with the high beams on and in my mind i thought of all the scary dark movies i love to watch and said to myself...no wonder.. however from the winding road to the roller coaster road Ricky wheeed and whoa'd and the made the ride all the better. He was a happy boy all the way home... and he was glad to get there because he is at an anxious age...worried about his Nana and Papa going away....
I am trying to get Fred to get his passport..when is mine coming ---i am wondering soon i hope...and then we are going on a trip wether he wants to or not ... his friends at work are telling him to wait...they offered the clerks 15 grand... they are saying the supervisors are next... I dont know if he will wait... He is tired... knowing the post office I am sure they are waiting to see how many clerks and mailhandlers take the offer... it isnt that much but it is more than before....twelve years ---how long i have to work and maybe if my health straightens out i will work even longer who knows...if the post office survives... im not working at anything else right now and that is bad bad bad.... i might have my son pull my tarot drawings out of the attic and paint them that would be a project worth doing. soon the fall will draw in...everything will need to be covered and put away... the pool will be closed, the sunbrella table cloth washed and dried..wow that thing really did work... Today --- I will do the yard and work about here...
Our anniversary is coming... cant believe it is 33 years... where did that time go....it just doesnt seem possible...
the only thing on my mind is Mom getting better and she needs a podiatrist
Lil Ricky and I got stuck in a traffic jam rolling 10 mile an hour can be long and tedious, the little one managed ... he played with the two toys...a little man and an airplane I had in the car... and we finally made it, downtown Falmouth was bursting with tourists, so different from the last time I visited.... this is / was labor day weekend... and I felt so sad, no weekend on the cape for me this year, only one trip to the beach arghhh....so frustrating as I love the sand and surf....
on the way to visit his father we got lost and i ended up on route 44... who ever knew it existed...well i did know it existed but i never traveled it before for the hour i was lost....i dont want to live in burbia that is all i know...too creepy for me... lost and no way out....so that was new, but i finally found my way to the Forest and it was beautiful. Lil Ricky loved the roller coaster road and we saw wild turkeys and it was just so wonderful. He got scared as the night came down though.... dark as the woods can be we left with the high beams on and in my mind i thought of all the scary dark movies i love to watch and said to myself...no wonder.. however from the winding road to the roller coaster road Ricky wheeed and whoa'd and the made the ride all the better. He was a happy boy all the way home... and he was glad to get there because he is at an anxious age...worried about his Nana and Papa going away....
I am trying to get Fred to get his passport..when is mine coming ---i am wondering soon i hope...and then we are going on a trip wether he wants to or not ... his friends at work are telling him to wait...they offered the clerks 15 grand... they are saying the supervisors are next... I dont know if he will wait... He is tired... knowing the post office I am sure they are waiting to see how many clerks and mailhandlers take the offer... it isnt that much but it is more than before....twelve years ---how long i have to work and maybe if my health straightens out i will work even longer who knows...if the post office survives... im not working at anything else right now and that is bad bad bad.... i might have my son pull my tarot drawings out of the attic and paint them that would be a project worth doing. soon the fall will draw in...everything will need to be covered and put away... the pool will be closed, the sunbrella table cloth washed and dried..wow that thing really did work... Today --- I will do the yard and work about here...
Our anniversary is coming... cant believe it is 33 years... where did that time go....it just doesnt seem possible...
the only thing on my mind is Mom getting better and she needs a podiatrist
Thursday, August 27, 2009
feeling the sorrow
For a time now I've known that I am sensitized to what is known as the collective conscious...and i completely believe in it especially over the last couple of days with the passing of Ted Kennedy. The air is thick here with grief and reminisce. My neighborhood mourns his loss...
People criticize and with every right, however in my life time, and through personal experience, I know that when you called Ted's office they assisted you, he assisted them, and well, I have a few letters myself signed by Ted and I cherish them. I thanked him then, and I thank him now for choosing to be the man he became, and helping so many people like me, or not like me, it doesn't really matter who or what but it matters to me, that for whatever reason he helped, he helped. He was perhaps the Lion in the Senate as the news is tooting him, but he was more the Godfather of Massachusetts in more ways then words.
God Bless Ted. He will be sorely missed. God Bless his family and may they continue to think of others as they do. There is no perfect person, nor perfect family, but living is not about being perfect, living is about learning, giving, laughter, joy, and well for me it is about creativity too... And although I can't be too creative here as my heart is pounding and my eyes are watering and my head just feels like it is in the clouds somewhere, i can't sleep, my legs are restless, and i am warm all over from the feelings of the caring and the grief.
Ted, he had a good life, a full life, he overcame and he was overcome--- he survived and truly, oh so truly, there is no one that I know of that can compare to the action that he instill others to take. There is no one that I know of that taught others --- young people working for him in his office --- how to wield his name. Ted again, thank you.
People criticize and with every right, however in my life time, and through personal experience, I know that when you called Ted's office they assisted you, he assisted them, and well, I have a few letters myself signed by Ted and I cherish them. I thanked him then, and I thank him now for choosing to be the man he became, and helping so many people like me, or not like me, it doesn't really matter who or what but it matters to me, that for whatever reason he helped, he helped. He was perhaps the Lion in the Senate as the news is tooting him, but he was more the Godfather of Massachusetts in more ways then words.
God Bless Ted. He will be sorely missed. God Bless his family and may they continue to think of others as they do. There is no perfect person, nor perfect family, but living is not about being perfect, living is about learning, giving, laughter, joy, and well for me it is about creativity too... And although I can't be too creative here as my heart is pounding and my eyes are watering and my head just feels like it is in the clouds somewhere, i can't sleep, my legs are restless, and i am warm all over from the feelings of the caring and the grief.
Ted, he had a good life, a full life, he overcame and he was overcome--- he survived and truly, oh so truly, there is no one that I know of that can compare to the action that he instill others to take. There is no one that I know of that taught others --- young people working for him in his office --- how to wield his name. Ted again, thank you.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
just stuff
The Di is off to college...wow what a change, the house is quiet and not so crazy, less milk and food being bought and devoured.... but she will return for only a few days before the real deal begins. I am glad she had this experience, certainly she can decide that she might like to live on campus... but let's see how all else goes...she has a hectic schedule ahead of her, `18 credits..and she's going in with 11 almost a complete semester...she'll rate sophomore status before her time... I am sooo happy she is happy. That is what really matters.
I've misplaced some papers and have been in a funk since. I keep praying to find them. Today s--d at work...didnt get out until 1 becasue of all the bs and I have to finish my valentines...not a good time to have my truck driver on hiatus... enough...joined facebook..it can be fun but also time consumming...
having a difficult time on my diet ...need to go back to the gym which i think i will tomorrow... I definitely need exercise and my knee is feeling pretty good after the last shot...\knock on wood...except when i am sleeping ....then my legs just hurt and that sucks. oh well going for a swim enjoying it while i have it. anxious about my drs appt next week...will probably be on edge until them oh well...
I've misplaced some papers and have been in a funk since. I keep praying to find them. Today s--d at work...didnt get out until 1 becasue of all the bs and I have to finish my valentines...not a good time to have my truck driver on hiatus... enough...joined facebook..it can be fun but also time consumming...
having a difficult time on my diet ...need to go back to the gym which i think i will tomorrow... I definitely need exercise and my knee is feeling pretty good after the last shot...\knock on wood...except when i am sleeping ....then my legs just hurt and that sucks. oh well going for a swim enjoying it while i have it. anxious about my drs appt next week...will probably be on edge until them oh well...
Friday, August 07, 2009
The FW project
Well here it is, the hubby working on a project.
We've been on vacation all week, of course it kills me to sit around and I rarely do.... I've been battling a nasty sinus bug but I still keep going. In the spring I tried to convince the Boss that we should purchase patio furniture... and it rained and rained ...time passed...and we didn't... and then a piece of the ole picnic table clunked on the deck one evening.
"I suppose we need a new table," F said.
"You suppose?" I laughed. We had a long discussion about patio furniture.
1. cost... set would run 6 - 800 .... not a great idea with the college bills facing us.... frivolous...
2. storage, it would have to be stored in the basement, Don't we store enough with the pool stuff... or covered, and the covered furniture takes a beating in a bad winter...
3. the picnic table, sensible.... My mother in law bought us two tables before she passed away... we had a lot of company that summer and we needed the two tables. They were on sale for 35 bucks a piece, they were made completely of 2x4's. They were regular wood, I stained them, and then I painted them. One lasted 8 years, and this year, 11 years later the second one is going out....so...
4. Called the Mill Store, an 8 footer--- tooo big.... the hexagon one I really wanted... all sold out or already weathered without a discount and 164 bucks..not bad really.
5. We shopped on line, picnic table schmatics..... found numerous for free...
the easiest, one day plan... the old fashioned table...
prices out at 93 bucks... and a day of work...
6. We agreed this was the most sensible plan.
7. We went to home depot, 93. 58 cents which included purchasing two 3/8 inch drill bits, that we didnt really need, but we put the stuff in my awesome little Honda Accord with the back seat that fold down, and
Here is the final project.
Complete with waterproof stain etc. I love it. Thank you F.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
what i have done on vacation....
I have not had much of a vacation... the first few days were spent on the refi of the house to have money to pay for college for d and get our bathroom and basement rehabed... so that is good, but...work...all left to me because hubby doesn't want to know or care... he just wants to retire and this way he can, all our bills will be paid and the new mortgage hopefully it will come through will be paid off in 12 years with the plan...of course i know all things dont always go well but that will be fine, just in time for me to be able to retire. Fred is going to retire in December and well I hope it is every thing he wants it to be, I will be working for another 12 years or at least i hope the post office doesnt go under... arghhh...what a thought. anyway...we shall survive i guess...
so, i finished the front of the house, no rain so i could paint and stain, it really looks so nice out there now, -- i planted a morning glory sunflower circle and the sunflowers are starting to rise --- and the morning glories open up underneath them in the morning, i have to say that is a pretty sight to me.... if i catch one youngin smokin and leaving ash and butts that youngin will be grown a few gray hairs--- what else, we have replaced some of the boards on the deck and will probably replace a few more, fixed the driveway up, bought a shop vac and vac'd the basement, reorg'd my office and the upstairs room which is now a storage room that has belonging of persons who do not live here but leave stuff all the time...oh i painted the downstairs foyer and washed all the wood work... so i have a few projects left, like doing over di's room when she is in school for two weeks, but i dont know if i will be able to do it, im gonna try though...on top of all that my dr made me schedule a preop appt for next tuesday --- so i guess the surgery is inevitable, i am not keen on having my belly cut open with this psoriasis -- so we are going to talk more about it when i see her.looks like ill be getting another couple of weeks off... whooptdo...this vacation has not been much of a vacation but it will be good to have things done the way i want them to be done when i am home recovering from my inners being taken out. ugh... who needs to be carrying around a softball inside of oneself?
vacation and sickness
have acquired a cold that will not let go... started last Saturday, today is Wednesday, going to try to work it out of me. Doing work on the house and have to get Dianna settled. My nerves are shot.
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